I've always been the one to talk too much or too loud, but in those moments she was there. Her silent rivers flowed across my cheeks as she tried to comfort me. I used to think she and I were nothing alike, but in growing up, she became all that I was. Silence, the kind of comforting ache that sits with you while you’re talked over and forgotten, but she never forgets you. She once held me in her arms while I sat and watched the stars. I saw a shooting star and wished for her to leave, so I could be heard; yet she always found her way back to me. In silent car rides and silent rooms, she held me the way I wished my mother would. Eventually, I learned to appreciate her. I meditated with her and learned her language. She told me she loved me, but hated that I was becoming her. She told me to speak, to be heard. It's hard at first when she is all you know, but I wanted to be heard. I wanted to be seen. So I became louder and louder and she cheered me on from the quiet corners of every room
most common thought: damn haha im going to have to deal with that sooner or later
my mind wants to get away.
so that I can just be alone, so I can’t hurt anyone else,
especially you.
I feel like a threat
and I can't get away
yet here I am, only 10 feet away
it’s a rare light, that I chase to the end.
it’s a rare book, that i read to the end.
the cycle starts again.
why do i keep messing up?
just stick to the plan.
learn to stop talking.
you have to stick to the plan.
stop hurting the people you love.
stick to the plan.
jesus, have some self control.
stick to the plan.
you’ve been this way for so long,
why can’t you stick to the plan?
what’s wrong with your brain?
can’t you just stick to the plan?
you promised yourself you’d stop,
just stick to the plan.
it’s really not that hard.
stick to the plan.
you’re not trying hard enough to fix yourself.
if you’d just stick to the plan,
you wouldn’t be stuck in these problems.
stick. to. the. plan.
- a girl with no self-control. who acts on impulse even when she knows it’s wrong; who doesn’t know how to describe the way she feels; she never knows when to stop and god does she wish she did.
when the wind starts to pick up
and the storms come,
sit with me
and see all your little things.
like the way you look at me.
with those eyes,
and how they’ve never told me lies.
or how as you fall asleep,
you fall into me.
or when you’re happy,
how your eyes shine like the stars.
and your smile,
makes me want to walk the isle.
or even when you’re sad,
and you come to me,
i promise i won’t get mad.
i only want you to see
the beauty that you have.
so when your storms come,
sit with me in the rain.
and we’ll find all your little things
tumblr is such a unique experience in 2021 because it’s probably the only place on the internet, or in real life, really, where there is absolutely no point. there is no agenda, and no purpose, it’s just a place i can create this little bubble of art, and self-expression, and poetry, and live in it peacefully. scrolling through my blog and appreciating photography, fashion, literature, etc. just feels like a beautiful respite from everything outside of this website? no news no performance no productivity just pure vibes
Be my Romeo
I’ll be your Juliet
Let’s get married and run away
Finish their story
Let our love be seen in all its glory
We’ll live in our own secret world
We’ll forget our names and who we were
Let us be so in love
That we are no longer two
But one
Let our story be read by scholars and in schools
Let us be martyrs for a force stronger than any god we’ve ever known
My Romeo, let us be martyrs for a love stronger than what anyone’s seen before.
love is hard
but loving you is the hardest thing to do
i know all the good you’ve done
but i cant overcome
all of the hurt feelings
and i hate what i’ve become
fires trickle through my veins
fires i know i have lit
the ache in my bones weigh me down
no matter how light i make myself
feeling the weakness in my heart
barely pumping blood to my torn body
and yet i still smile
because this is the way,
the only way they’ll love me.
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