Me Because There’s No Man In My House, No Man In My Phone And No Man On My Mind.

Not even a whole bottle of Klonopin can suppress my vibe (unfortunately)

I Worried

Mary Oliver

I worried a lot. Will the garden grow, will the rivers flow in the right direction, will the earth turn as it was taught, and if not how shall I correct it?

Was I right, was I wrong, will I be forgiven, can I do better?

Will I ever be able to sing, even the sparrows can do it and I am, well, hopeless.

Is my eyesight fading or am I just imagining it, am I going to get rheumatism, lockjaw, dementia?

Finally I saw that worrying had come to nothing.

And gave it up. And took my old body and went out into the morning, and sang.

Give up your worries and sing.

Whenever I’m in any type of relationship with a man whether it be casual or serious, I always feel like I’m pretending throughout the entire duration of the relationship, and I don’t do it on purpose. I don’t aspire to morph into my current boyfriend’s image of the perfect girl, it just happens. The way I talk, walk, dress and behave all become skewed and foreign to me. I hate that no man I’ve been in love with has met the real me. I don’t make up the way I feel about these guys, I just haven’t met anybody that I’ve felt like I could be my true self around. Whenever whatever fling I have going ends, I’m left disgusted with myself and empty because though I was vulnerable with my heart, I wasn’t with my soul and I don’t know how to change that. It’s not even just with romantic partners, it happens in majority of my friendships too. Also, for some reason I don’t think that any of these people have really tried to get to know to me on a deeper level anyway, so how could I be myself if nobody ever knows me? I think I’m cool and worth knowing, it just feels shit that nobody else seems to. I don’t know where or how to meet people that make me feel like being myself, but I would really like to.

White Ring

Any song recommendations that match the vibe of this Pinterest board I made, except for the obvious? I’m trying to make a matching playlist, but im stuck.

Pinterest

beth on Pinterest

Explore a hand-picked collection of Pins about beth on Pinterest.

check out my new playlist of all my favourite witch house music if you want 💞

It’s crazy being an American from a southern thus very conservative state having lived in farther left leaning states because I am so used to having to put up all my defenses before I make a simple statement such as “This group of people should be treated just as human as you would treat John Doe.” So, living in a blue state is such culture shock because I can openly talk about things that would have me shunned in my hometown, unless I were with a very specific few people. For reference, where I’m from, I’m considered to be verrrryyy liberal and outspoken, but anywhere else I am most likely seen as the average person that should honestly be more politically involved. Fun fact about republicans, you absolutely cannot convince them that America’s government is ever in the wrong, or something bad is ever at the fault of the rich people they wish to be or that they surround themselves with. Also, no matter how much you beg, they will not pick up a book and further educate themselves with an open mind.

ever since i was a child ive known that i wanted to, someday, be the mutilated corpse on a nature trail that ruins a hikers week

I worry that the only time I will ever feel comfortable is when a song I love is playing. One of the few constants in my life has been that I’ve always been able to effortlessly get lost within a song, an album or a curated playlist. Whenever I’m sad and blue, there’s a musician that’s already yearned the way I have and they’ve already written something that makes me feel safe and understood. The same goes for anything I feel, whether it be excitement or rage, there’s a song that speaks to that feeling. I’ve never found this sort of reliability or kindness within any person I’ve really known. I’m not a great songwriter and I’m most certainly no singer, but I really wish I could be among the many artists that have aided in saving my own, and surely other people’s lives many times.

I don’t really know what it is and I suspect it has something to do with trauma, but I constantly feel dirty. Showering multiple times a day, washing my hair more than I should, using wipes to wipe myself down if I can’t get to a shower etc. Literally nothing helps. I feel so disgusting and it’s actually like mental torture idk what to do. It makes me break down sobbing sometimes especially right after a shower and I still feel gross. Anybody have any tips?