I Did Not Concent For Google To Throw AI In My Face Everytime I Search Something And For The First Time

So, last year I drew characters on the spectrum in coordination with me telling stories how aspects of my diagnosis have affected me in periods of my life. But I just have so many meaningful stories so this year’s Autism Awareness Month, I will talk more about the characters themselves and the parts of their characteristics that I enjoy. So starting is Max Caulfield from Life is Strange, who I fell in love with from scene one. From her awkward posture to the need to put on music walking from the classroom to the bathroom, she was just a character I enjoyed in another light than literally any character I ever came across before. (Other than you, Newt. You will always be my nr. 1) As well as her interest in photography and classes matching my own interest in the subject and the history of art and so on, born from the need to capture the moment as my senses are usually just so overstimulated 24/7 leading to majority of memories either getting messy or just overwritten completely by newer memories, she really became a comfort character. So because I fell for Max so early on in the story, I felt it was fitting for her to represent the overstimulation of sound and the rest of the senses. I wanted the background to be crowded but you see glimpses of an empty hallway throughout the lyrics of the song that’s tuning it out, but the text ended up so small so it’s not as clear as I had hoped.

Ever felt such anxiety when your legs stop working completely? Where you can’t move anything underneath your shoulders really. Where you have no other option than to stare up to the ceiling, waiting for your body to respond again. Alone with your thoughts. No clue what happened or why, just accepting that it’s a part of your life now.

Had the first of these attacks over a year ago. It lasted an hour. The next as well. Then 50. 45. 30. I still have them, but mostly 15-20 minutes before I get my legs to move.

I still don’t know what causes them, but I have learned to see them coming. Days in advance where my autism can be a little extra, social skills go down for a moment, hyper-attention goes way up. Or random heavy breathing, now that I have a job can last the whole afternoon, where I spend every break meditating, 5 minutes at a time.

One day I will learn to counter them

Bittersweetness

Last planned Life is Strange for a while Fitting it would be the ending I went into it with not liking Chloe that much and ended actually having a difficult time with who to sacrifice (or whom? is this a "whom"-moment? We never mentioned whom in english class)

Another thing I have wanting to do for ages and finally got the time was to redraw this a little bit.

Max’s and Chloe’s pose felt awkward and poorly drawn and didn’t match the vibe of the game I realised so kind tried to just draw them hanging out. Less action-game, more life-game.

Not that this is 10/10, there’s a giant gap in the picture but a step in the right direction

World Mental Health Day!

Mental Health has become a larger life issue for me than I expected. (Life issue? Life focus? Might not be the right word, there is a word for it…)

I have struggled with mental health, I have friends that do, family that does. I have social anxieties and panic attacks and days it’s hard to get my foot out of the door and it’s important to me to work on myself and try to help everyone around me in every way I can. And it had led to periods of loneliness and dropping out of university and problems with job-hunting. But I also read psychology in my last year of high school and a lot of articles about everything between earth and the sky and it really helped me overcome a lot of old obstacles.

And I love it when fiction handles mental health. The sole reason I like Miraculous so much is that they handle anxiety, panic attacks and stress. Big reason I love Life is Strange so much is Kate Marsh and the effects of bullying and hopelessness. Big reason I like MCU Spider-Man is Mysterio, his special kind of brutality, mind games and effects of his lies on Peter’s life and mental health. Same with RDJ’s Tony Stark or Anakin Skywalker or really any famously unhealthy fictional character.

So yeah, a big part of fiction is escapism and to get away from stuff, but also fun when they handle it and helps me to easier explain and understand my mental stuff.

My friend requested an Ant-Man. But I assume he meant Scott… and the MCU-version. But I felt classic Hank and his questionable stability was more in line with my stuff and my own selfish interests.

I don't know if I love or hate how much I can relate to this

I love talking with neurotypical people about my executive dysfunction because I'm like "yeah there's this invisible wall in my head that I'm incapable of getting past no matter what I do and it stops me from doing things" and they're like what the actual fuck

Meanwhile other neurodivergents are like

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

Happy Birthday to my oldest of friends who many moons ago taught me how to play Minecraft