Not Super Satisfied. Might Be In A Creative Low. Been A Lot To Adjust To My New Job. Might Find My Voice

Ever felt such anxiety when your legs stop working completely? Where you can’t move anything underneath your shoulders really. Where you have no other option than to stare up to the ceiling, waiting for your body to respond again. Alone with your thoughts. No clue what happened or why, just accepting that it’s a part of your life now.

Had the first of these attacks over a year ago. It lasted an hour. The next as well. Then 50. 45. 30. I still have them, but mostly 15-20 minutes before I get my legs to move.

I still don’t know what causes them, but I have learned to see them coming. Days in advance where my autism can be a little extra, social skills go down for a moment, hyper-attention goes way up. Or random heavy breathing, now that I have a job can last the whole afternoon, where I spend every break meditating, 5 minutes at a time.

One day I will learn to counter them

Cupidpool You’re welcome . #deadpool #marvel #marvelfanart #fanart #marvelcomics #wadewilson #photoshopart #photoshop #digitalart #valentinesday (på/i Marvel Universe) https://www.instagram.com/p/CoxTbNHse7s/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

Original plan for the day was a Star Wars wallpaper but guess that will have to wait. Right after waking up, I saw the news that the world had lost another legend. John Romita sr, the second artist of Spider-Man, introducer of the mysterious Mary Jane and co-creator of favorites like Punisher, Luke Cage and Wolverine (and apparently had a hand in the creation Tigra and Nova) and also classic Spider-Man villains like Shocker, Hammerhead, Rhino and the Kingpin of crime as well as classic Daredevil-enemy Bullseye.. it was no other than Romita who finally unmasked the Green Goblin as well as drew his last stand and the final days of George and Gwen Stacy. He also drew the famous Spider-Man No More and the 100th issue with its easily recognizable cover and a fun fact, did the cover for Spider-Man and Iron Man’s first team-up which is nicely printed onto my (third) favorite mug.

Thank you and may you rest in peace

A creature I designed back in August, a being of pure floral and green, burned and regrowing. Approximately 3 metres high and kind in nature and non-violente as it lacks any claws or teeth.

What I’m the proudest of here is that I can’t recall any real inspiration. I watched a Psych2go-video where they introduced their new mascot, a marshmallow with a plant on its head representing growth and that was that. The idea sparked from the mention of growth but can’t really say the two creatures have anything in common more than that.

And the original sketch has the lower part being reminiscent of the meat-monster from Stranger Things S3 but not really ready to call that an inspiration either other than a scrapped idea for the material, being now supposed to be completely made of vines.

And yeah, it has light coming out of it like Groot back in Guardians 1 but not really a character I had in mind either when drawing this.

And that’s my favourite type of sketch, where I can just pick up a pen and let the hand do the work for me, this being a minority that I had an actual theme in mind for once.

#hogwartslegacy #hufflepuff #photoshop #photoshopartist #digitalart #fanart (på/i Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry) https://www.instagram.com/p/CqItaTrs26r/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

So! Last thing I felt I needed to get done before New Year! This Year’s Daredevil-remake!

So, compared with last year’s, I don’t think my art-skills or style has developed that much, maybe changed or refined the vibe somehow. Like how Daredevil’s face looks slimmer and fitter than last year’s, he looks more muscular. Less halloween-costume, more superhero-suit, looking at how Christopher Reeve’s suit sat on him instead of one of my random shirts in the mirror. So I guess the development 2023-2024 was how I could make it more character-fitting and interesting and references.

So, yellow street lights have changed to the red/blue police-lamps, random rooftop has changed to what could be the top of a church, city background has become bigger, trying to showcase how much area this one character has influence and responsibility over but blending in with the noise of the background.

Random lighted windows now have the shape of braille, hinting at his disability and what makes the character stick out, the texts referring to biblical verses and comic quotes if you want to take the time and translate.

The blue sky is now black with a hint of red, connecting more to his color-scheme and I wanted to think more from his perspective of the world. The heartbeats are less of a game-hub and more of just part of the input of the world around him.

Wanted the billy-clubs a little bit more fluid and over-the-top but maybe too much over the top.

So more probably changed than stayed but if I got the basic idea of Daredevil on top of the roof, this would have come up in my head now instead of what I did in 2021.

So… curious on how I will retake this piece 2025.

I didn’t feel very good in high school. Or life. Childhood. At all. There was a lot of negativity. I didn’t feel I belonged in my family and friends who I thought were ride or die had all just abandoned me as our class swished schools to fit in with the new popular kids and that meant, not to get seen talking to me. Any time someone in my class spoke to me were either to speak down to me or just hit my head into a wall. And well, I lived at a child care I guess is the closest translation so it's easy to feel abandoned by your relatives and you tell yourself your place there isn’t more than an income for your carers.

I felt useless. Absolutely 150% worthless. Waste of space and oxygen. If you think you can imagine that, you can’t. You have to experience it and not everyone makes it out of that journey alive. I kinda just dragged my lifeless body throughout childhood, telling myself “just one more day”, trying to find something to live for. Marvel-releases were kind of small milestones to strive for but lacked any real meaning, so now you know why I draw so much Marvel.

I didn’t talk much to my new class in high school as well, my friends I have known since kindergarten didn’t value me more than popularity, why would this new class?

So strangely enough, I find myself in a group chat with some other selected classmates one night and have to leave the conversation because of a sudden anxiety attack where, to my surprise, I get a notification.

One of the other classmates had noticed I stopped talking and reached out privately, asking how I was doing. And in my entire “emo-phase”, nobody had ever asked me that before. Not really, not in a meaningful serious way other than the usual polite “it’s been so long, how are you, enough about that…”

That was the first real step into this random girl who I expected would leave my life after graduation becoming one of the most important people in my life and holding my hand in this new journey into the light at the end of the tunnel.

Tiny moment after moment, inviting me for milkshakes, sleepovers, watching Good Omens, bonding over horror films, this girl made me feel like I was more than a waste of space, that maybe I… could matter?

And from feeling absolutely nothing, that I mattered nothing, less than so, to just… be invited to stuff. That was huge. It’s indescribably huge.

I am now 22 and can seriously say that I’m much older than I ever expected to be and I am grateful for that every good and bad day.

All because of that single message that one night. That first step on a ladder she probably didn’t know I needed to climb.

Thank you.

Reach out to someone, you never know who might be needing it.