Happy Halloween

Is that has been fun. It has been toxic and annoying as well. And I know OW2 will come out tomorrow but still! Thanks to my unnamed but I promise real and existing friend for picking the selection of heroes . #overwatch #overwatchfanart #fanart #roadhog #cassidy #colecassidy #cassidyoverwatch #lucio #lúcio #lúciooverwatch #soldier76 #ana #anaamari #anaoverwatch #blizzard #blizzardentertainment (på/i Watchpoint: Gibraltar) https://www.instagram.com/p/CjP9XHbsPqg/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

So! Finally finished Season 5 and the Paris-special.

Thank you Miraculous for reminding me of my emo-days.

I know, I know, the text is messy and on-the-nose but I wasn’t sure how to sell the actual message without having to redraw them both.

I didn’t feel very good in high school. Or life. Childhood. At all. There was a lot of negativity. I didn’t feel I belonged in my family and friends who I thought were ride or die had all just abandoned me as our class swished schools to fit in with the new popular kids and that meant, not to get seen talking to me. Any time someone in my class spoke to me were either to speak down to me or just hit my head into a wall. And well, I lived at a child care I guess is the closest translation so it's easy to feel abandoned by your relatives and you tell yourself your place there isn’t more than an income for your carers.

I felt useless. Absolutely 150% worthless. Waste of space and oxygen. If you think you can imagine that, you can’t. You have to experience it and not everyone makes it out of that journey alive. I kinda just dragged my lifeless body throughout childhood, telling myself “just one more day”, trying to find something to live for. Marvel-releases were kind of small milestones to strive for but lacked any real meaning, so now you know why I draw so much Marvel.

I didn’t talk much to my new class in high school as well, my friends I have known since kindergarten didn’t value me more than popularity, why would this new class?

So strangely enough, I find myself in a group chat with some other selected classmates one night and have to leave the conversation because of a sudden anxiety attack where, to my surprise, I get a notification.

One of the other classmates had noticed I stopped talking and reached out privately, asking how I was doing. And in my entire “emo-phase”, nobody had ever asked me that before. Not really, not in a meaningful serious way other than the usual polite “it’s been so long, how are you, enough about that…”

That was the first real step into this random girl who I expected would leave my life after graduation becoming one of the most important people in my life and holding my hand in this new journey into the light at the end of the tunnel.

Tiny moment after moment, inviting me for milkshakes, sleepovers, watching Good Omens, bonding over horror films, this girl made me feel like I was more than a waste of space, that maybe I… could matter?

And from feeling absolutely nothing, that I mattered nothing, less than so, to just… be invited to stuff. That was huge. It’s indescribably huge.

I am now 22 and can seriously say that I’m much older than I ever expected to be and I am grateful for that every good and bad day.

All because of that single message that one night. That first step on a ladder she probably didn’t know I needed to climb.

Thank you.

Reach out to someone, you never know who might be needing it.

The Choice

The Choice. The important choice. For some, the final choice. The one needed to be made every single day. Choose if you can find the search for strength to fight just another day. Weak legs, fake smile, empty heart. The thoughts, the bullies, the oppressors, the search for the light in the end of the tunnel. The quiet fight. The unseen fight. The one bypassers won’t know about it until it’s too late.

The maths’ not perfect, I didn’t keep it in a journal or anything but 10 years ago now, I made a choice. I stared down into the abyss and said No and I have been saying No everyday since. Some days have been easier than others. And I’m grateful I did what I did. 10 years later, I have strengthened my bond with my family, I went to the most amazing high school and made friends. Once a childhood bully is today the best of them. I’ve travelled, I’ve made memories, I’ve gotten awards, met idols. I got to hold my nephews, hear them speak and walk and laugh with pure unfiltered joy. I got jobs and earned colleagues’ respect and proved myself and my oppressors that they were wrong. I’ve been a rock, I have inspired others to follow their dreams. I do matter, I should breathe this air too.

10 years and this topic is still as important to be as ever. 4 days ago was Suicide Prevention Day. I really wanted to make something about it but couldn’t come up with anything worth presenting until now.

So a friendly reminder, keep in touch with the people around you, check up on them, be there for them. Be a rock. Or ask for one. Turn to your contacts, you might be surprised how much they care if you let them.

Keep fighting, it will be worth it in the end.

Oops, forgot to upload yesterday.

So me and my sister saw Ladybug and Cat Noir: the MOVIE a few weeks ago, and because I have planned uploads up to next Valentine’s Day, this was the first best opening I could squeeze in an Awakening-thing.

So… I’m not a big musical-fan. Well, I like High School Musical but that’s it. Well, musicals feel like they pause the plot for the characters to sing out the plot but I did kind of like this one and Reaching Out was absolutely my favorite song. Lord, I can’t explain how hard “Is it enough to just be me” hit me.

But short movie-review, see how much I remember… I liked it. It wasn’t perfect, the fact it was a musical didn’t land for me. Marinette’s voice, everyone has already complained about it so I will move on.. I liked the characters a little more here. I liked a Marinette without the creepy obsession, I liked a broody lonely Adrien. Gabriel… I feel like he could have needed another design in the end cause I wasn’t really sure what exactly akumatizing himself meant… he just made the water into lava and I was supposed to accept I guess.. would have loved the S5-design but I know I’m alone in liking that design so… where was Nathalie? She was just there, I don’t remember if she knew or if she just was an assistant this time?

Idk, I should have written this while my memories were fresh, 7/10. Might rewatch. Wasn’t sure about the love-story, at least here it moved faster but didn’t feel it had much ground. At least in the show, it’s this apologetic sweet moment in the rain between Marinette and Adrien and it’s Cat seeing how cool and badass Ladybug is but here it’s just the two of them helping the other from the ground. But… they’re also both like 14 so maybe they don't need more.

Aaand 7/7