I Was Already Chewing This Over But I Got Some Reblogs That Made Me Consider Saying My Opinion Out Loud.

Be willing to try!

It smells and sounds like spring 

Today I was talking with my mom about why seeing an alligator is fundamental to my mental health. At first she laughed but I got her to listen and she gets it now. My psychiatrist and I call this the alligator litmus test, and it works really well for making decisions about my treatment. I bring this up because perhaps there is something in your life that you can use in a similar fashion.

I have severe major depressive disorder, and I treat this depression with medication. I've been on meds for about... seven years now, and sometimes we have to mess with them. But sometimes the emotional part of the depression is just super bad and there's something underneath that needs to be addressed. When we are figuring this out, my psychiatrist says to take one alligator and call her in the morning.

See, no matter how bad I'm feeling, seeing an alligator almost always cheers me up in the moment. (This works with other large crocodilians, too- they gotta be big, it doesn't work with caimans. I don't know why.) I can't look at their goofy toofers and beautiful eyes and bumpy hides and not be a little wowed by them. Millions of years of evolution have led to this amazing creature and they are completely unbothered by me. Almost all of the time, they make me feel happy. Or maybe I'll feel sad for some unspecified reason. Maybe I'll get worried about the ecosystem or something- but invariably, I will FEEL.

Unless, of course, it's my brain chemistry. If I can experience an alligator and not feel anything- not happy, not sad, just numb- there's something wrong and we should talk about adjusting my meds. Usually with a little tweaking I'm back to my very functional medicated baseline in quick order- instead of wasting time with coping skills and such alone when what I really need is brain chemicals, it's a much quicker way to communicate what's going on with me. At the same time, it also helps me know when the coping skills ARE likely to work without changing up my meds, or when there's something I need to work through with some help.

It's a pretty solid test. Might not work for anyone else on the planet, but it works great for me!

step one to overcoming social anxiety is to realize that most people kind of suck and their opinion of you is literally worthless

This is a big thing that I continue to work on unlearning/relearning

today i got locked out of watching youtube videos entirely on adblock grounds, so i did some tinkering.

ublock does not, in fact, seem to circumvent this, but i did find out something new through circumstance as well as trial and error:

bf told me two bits of information that turned out to be rather useful. 1) he hasn't really gotten the youtube adblock notifications much. 2) his work laptop blocks youtube cookies completely. (this annoys him a bit because a couple quality of life features function off cookies)

so when i was trying to troubleshoot how to wrangle youtube into letting me listen to music without constantly throwing intrusive as hell ads at me, i decided to block youtube cookies just to see what would happen.

well wouldn't you know, it has stopped complaining about ads being blocked entirely. for now anyway.

TL;DR: looks like youtube is using cookies to check for adblockers, so blocking them seems to cause it to leave you alone.

I was thinking about something earlier: being sensitive can be hard and overwhelming when most emotions you’re feeling are negative and cause suffering. But then I cried for hours listening to live music today, my soul was moved, my heart felt so much for all that beautiful music, for all that talent, for all those people involved in making this music and this concert, and I was with people I love. Everyone left the concert in awe. I felt such bliss. And honestly, being sensitive is hard, and like anything in life, it is something that one needs to learn how to live with, to find balance within it.

I’m soft, I cry easily, I feel whenever I see someone suffering, I care a lot. But sometimes I get to see so much beauty and I get to cry happy tears and think about my loved ones, and to be grateful to be alive and experiencing so much. I must allow myself to. Life itself feels like a gift these days, and allowing myself to just be me is only fair, and now restraining myself based on “what will people think if they see me cry” seems so silly. Who cares?

I’m experiencing life, this is my first and only time in this world, it’s a finite experience, and I’m not spending it ashamed of being moved by the world around me. It means this world becomes a part of me when I perceive it by the way it moves me, and I become a part of it by living life in an authentic way, without so much fear of being judged for caring a lot. What a great thing it is to exist and experience so much!

I have a thing to get to but had to get this out real quick

One of the cool things about getting older that would have seemed bad to my younger self is you know that feeling when you meet someone and you immediately click and are just on the same wavelength… the first time that happens when you’re in like grade school it’s like soo crazy and the first time you date someone like that it’s like whoa okay. But the more you move around and travel and play and explore in life these people will keep popping up. You’ll feel comfortable around them like you’ve known them forever but it won’t be like this desperate once in a lifetime feeling you need to hold onto because you’re like cool it’s happening again. I always heard it was harder to form new connections when you’re older but for me it’s continually gotten easier bc I know myself, respect my own time and naturally gravitate towards ppl who energize me

hey, don’t cry. one half flour one half yogurt knead into dough and fry for easy flatbread and dip in balsamic vinegar, okay?