I Am, As The Novelists Say, In Need Of Seaside Air

yeah yeah yeah girlhood is grief and godhood and cruelty or whatever but also girlhood is your friend telling you what sex is because nobody else will, girlhood is walking you to the nurse’s office when you’re too nervous to go on your own, girlhood is the journal you kept together and hid under your mattress, girlhood is going downtown for the first time by yourselves and sneaking into the PG-13 movie and then going next door to eat french fries, girlhood is coordinating outfits to let everyone know that you’re best friends because girlhood can be love as well

and for my next trick i will now demonstrate just how many fucked up things a girl can have wrong with her at once!!

Look at you comforting others with words you wish to hear.

William Wordsworth

He asked me when I fell in love with him and I knew it sounded dramatic to say the moment I saw him, so I told him this story of my grandma who had Alzheimer's- she forgot her name and the words for fruit and food, she forgot her address and how to use the washroom, all her life lost to the disease. The only thing she remembered was her son's name and when that began to fade, the one thing she always remembered was that she loved him, even in illness, even in insanity. She saw this 6 foot 2 man with a scrubby beard and she didn't know him but she said she trusted him, she asked him to hold her hand when she died. When does memory end and love begin? All I know is- she loved him before she remembered him.

-Ritika Jyala, excerpt from The world is a sphere of ice and our hands are made of fire

dark science academia ♡

I need a lot of affection and some rough sex

funny how you just straight up forget basic maths when you start learning advanced equations and stuff

for example, yesterday i used the calculator to do 2x1 and the calculator said 2 and i was like 🤨🤨 this seems wrong

writing tip:

if you push buttons on a keyboard, letters will appear on the screen. and with that power you can do anything

That best feeling where you’re like, “I love books. I wanna read all the books. I just wanna spend all my time immersed in all of the books.” And then you inhale and just get that feeling of peace and anticipation and slight anxiety but it’s okay, because you love the books and no one can take that away from you.

Like my mother

Like my mother

Like my mother

I need to be beautiful like my mother.

She's the most beautiful woman to have ever lived. But no one knows that except me because no one else has the same wounds as her like I do which can carry the entire truth of her existence. No one else has cried when she cried, bled when she bled, died when she died.

No one else has inherited her rage.

No one else has inherited her grief.

No one else has inherited her bloodlust.

Except me

So I need to be beautiful like her too.

I'll paint my lips to hide the crimson stains of spitting my own blood.

I'll darken my eyes to hide the bruises from nights spent with mania instead of rest.

I'll pluck out every imperfection in my brow until it no longer furrows for men who do not deserve it.

I'll put kajal on my waterline so whoever makes me cry has to see me in all my horrifying anger.

I'll powder up my cheeks to hide the tears my father never dried and put lotion on the skin that holds the scars from wounds I was too young to heal.

Like my mother did.

Because I need to be beautiful like my mother.

Even if it leaves me lifeless.

She has been lifeless for most of her life too.