That Best Feeling Where You’re Like, “I Love Books. I Wanna Read All The Books. I Just Wanna Spend

You don’t have to justify your existence. You don’t have to make yourself skilled or clever or funny in order to validate your presence in this world. You don’t have to turn your feelings and experiences into art or witticisms for them to matter. You matter just as you are.

"Forgive me, for all the things I did but mostly for the ones that I did not.” (ouch)

The secret history by Donna Tart

If We Were Villains by M. L. Rio

When Jaun Elia said Ek hi shakhs ki baat hai maula, Sara jahan kisne manga hai

We talk a lot about productivity on studyblr. And seeing what some people accomplish in a single day is absolutely stunning. Like damn you cooked 3 meals, cleaned, studied for 3 hours, worked for 8 hours, took a walk, made espresso, read 3 chapters, AND made a whole painting? Seeing these lists can make you feel lazy or underachieving. I promise you're not. A lot of times you just don't have small "habits" (I can't form habits for some reason so they're more like small, structured items I make a conscious effort to complete daily) that structure your day and mindset. But even if you do, remember that not everyone is 100% every day and some days, you don't do anything and that's ok! Listen to your body!

Firstly, realize that lists like the one I listed are probably exaggerated. I doubt someone can cook themselves a meal while at work and unless they're getting up at 5am, they probably don't have time to get all of that done. This is the first thing you gotta realize. Social media is full of exaggerations and lies. This includes the studyblr community. So don't fall for the expectations that you see here.

Secondly, get a schedule for yourself. Get up at a certain time, make your bed after you get up, go and wash your face. This gets your mind to transition from being asleep to doing things. Wash dishes after you use them. Hang your laundry after you finish it. Put things away after use them. Keep your shoes in the same spot and get a shower schedule going. These small things are hard at first, but get easier as they become more routine.

By doing things immediately, you don't create much clutter and your cleaning time is cut down drastically. It helps so much. Trust me.

Have relax time. I've posted this before because it's IMPORTANT. SCHEDULE YOUR BREAK AND RELAX TIME AND TREAT IT LIKE ANYTHING ELSE. IT'S NOT LESS IMPORTANT.

Find easy snacks and meals! Look at pinterest or Instagram for ideas! Egg and cheese wraps, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, salmon and mashed potatoes, etc. Especially if you work a lot like I do. The majority of my diet is "easy meals" at this point.

Make time for healthy habits. Meditation, yoga, a jog, the gym, running, swimming, reading by the creek, dancing to weird music, just get up and move and give your mind a break. You charge your phone. You need to charge yourself too.

Sleep. Please. Get a full 6-8 hours of sleep. Don't glorify sleeping small amounts. It's not a competition. I hate seeing people compare how little sleep they got, like bro that's like bragging about eating nothing but bacon and potato chips or something. Get sleep. Have a night time routine. Make sleep a sacred night time ritual even. Please. It's good for your body, your mind, your immune system, your skin, your future brain, etc. It can reduce your chances of getting in a car crash even.

Realize that life isn't a race or a competition. Life is something so short and it's meant to be enjoyed and savored. Please do something every day that makes you smile. Do something every day that makes you laugh. Do something every day that makes someone else smile. Live each day like it's the one you'll be remembered for. Spread love and kindness, especially to yourself and make sure you remind those you love that you do every chance you get. At the end of the day, you're living life, not racing in a societal race to be the most accomplished and you need a reminder about that.

Friday nights & Clandestines

The world is small when it is limited to your own room

And the thick smoke of his endless cigarettes

And cobwebs on the framed pictures of the lovers time buried/

The furniture is dusty with ashes of my past, but he doesn't mind that

He's okay with the fact

that we'll never last and the passion will wilt away like his cigarettes/

2 A.M. and Loving in adagio

Flesh meshing with mine and our heartbeats synchronised

We dont have to speak to communicate

As every caress is open to interpret

We are in separate wonderlands/

The night is unfurling and I wonder if our obscenity woke up the sun but

I cannot think clear because I am inebriated on the cadence of his voice and my head is on his chest

And I listen to him like I listen to that damned song/

Carefully/ intently/ on repeat

From start to finish.

The soundtrack is coming to an end

And so is his last cigarette

I will lay on his side of the bed and watch him leave

But the smoke will stay

And I won't open any windows

I'd let me suffocate/

I'm a writer before I'm a mistress

Hence I'll write love confessions with the remains of our night

And my fingers in the ashtray

Oh how I envied your cigarettes as they

Kiss your mouth more than I do/

But it's okay, you suck the life out of both of us.

mfs say “i’m fine” then detach themselves from everyone in their lives for weeks. that’s me, i’m mfs

“Don’t walk behind me; I may not lead. Don’t walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friends.”

— Albert Camus

Masterlist

Poetry

Brother (tw: CSA)

Friday nights and clandestines

The anatomy of my heart is flawed

Brother

TW: CSA

Tell me how does darkness feeds on an unsullied soul;

Am I the one to be blamed for your viciousness?

Or was it the gratuity of my parents' sins?

Or was it the ode of innocence that tempted you?

An ode you consumed.

You shredded me to ribbons so that you could use them

to tie the knots of your selfish yearnings;

Morphed me into an infernal machine in the pursuit

of your eternal fantasy.

Unbloomed; I was cradled in the soft bed of childhood

Yet, you stripped me away from that delectation;

And impelled me into the wretched abyss of unholiness.

Suffocated I was, as you took advantage of a frail heart,

and ruptured it from its hollow.

Yet I am the one they blame, I blame.

For being tainted, ruined.

Abhorrence filled in their gazes.

But, if to taint me is to ruin me, then let the gods be blamed for bestowing such wickedness on my existence,

For I was nothing but a child,

Slaughtered because of vulnerability and pestering naivety.

Tell me why does darkness feed on an unsullied soul, brother?