Hypothetically If I Read Crack Fanfic During A Church Service Will I Get Smitted By God. Completely Hypothetical 

Batman: This undercover mission is highly critical, I expect everyone to come undercover as civilians.

Shazam, raising his hand: uh

Batman: You don’t have to raise your hand. We are all adults here.

Shazam: Cool cool- good to know. Anyways, my suit doesn’t come off.

Superman: what

Green Arrow: How the fuck does that work.

Shazam: It’s kinda just glued on?

due to popular demand:

go wild yall

Really obsessed with this idea of some villain taking over the JL because they figured out a way to mind control every single adult and CM is in the lineup, standing at attention when the villain just goes down the line and asks how best to incapacitate them and he makes it to CM and says “Now, what’ll it take to overpower the Big Red Cheese?” and Cap’s like “With all due respect, Mr. Mind Control, sir, you don’t want that.” And the guy’s super offended like “You can’t tell me what to do! How do I incapacitate you?” “You can’t.” “Then why are you acting all snarky?” “Only I can incapacitate myself, Mr. Scary Evil Guy.” “Then do it. Right now.”

And this is pre-reveal so guess what happens? CM shouts the word, and before the guards can even tell what’s going on, Billy’s zipping between their legs, grabs maybe a weapon of some kind while he’s at it, and BOLTS like the funky little street rat is being chased by a cashier with a broom out of the supermarket, and you know YJ is outside waiting so when they suddenly see this scrappy 14yo Billy Batson running from out of the villain’s lair where JL is being held captive, they’re like “wtf??” and Billy has to convince them that he’s actually the massive Champion of Gods dude but he can only do some magic when he’s in his kid form but he knows the whole layout of the place “and we have to hurry! He’s gonna ask what their secret identities are! God you’re all so slow”, and that’s how JL and YJ learn they accidentally inducted a homeless 9yo five years ago who only agreed cuz they have a kitchen in the watchtower.

I have made what I think is the shitty-est dad joke in existence and I love it

So I'm in hell (the nether in Minecraft) with my friends, yah know the usual. So this one friend and I come across a Bastion which results in lots of screaming on my part and death for the both of us but as we’re exploring trying to find our way around I found a random loot chest with a banner in it which my friend gets  hyped about and asks if he can have it. So as he comes and finds me so I can hand it off I make the passing comment of ‘it’s like Bruce’ ... like the banner, like Bruce Banner. This is what I mean by shitty as in actually shitty not just its so shitty it’s funny shitty. Anyway my friend gets what I mean and finds it kinda funny in a pain way cause he’s a nerddd so at least there’s that.

*Hugs you and cries when you leave but in a totally heterosexual way*

I saw this meme and I just had to jump at the opportunity.

“Link, I heard a girl’s voice call out to me when I fell. It felt oddly familiar..” “…”

Stakeout

Batman: Oracle, status report.

Oracle: [over the comms] the teams are all in position. Things are quiet so far.

Batman: Hm. Ok, thank you Oracle. I’ll check in on them. [switches over to Nightwing and Robin’s frequency]

-

Nightwing: -nd I’ve already bought it! You need to socialise more; this is an important part of your childhood.

Robin: No.

Nightwing: It’s so cute, though. You’ll look adorable!

Robin: [with feeling] No.

Nightwing: [huffs] At least try it on; I already paid for it.

Robin: I am NOT going trick-or-treating.

Batman: …[switches over to Orphan and Batgirl’s comms]

-

Batgirl: -so then I said “you put that hand anywhere near me again I’ll break it off” and he-

Orphan: B is listening now.

Batgirl: oh, hey B. Anyway then we had sex and he had this-

Batman: [cuts off the feed before he becomes even more traumatised] …

Batman: …ok. [tunes into Red Robin and Red Hood’s frequency]

-

Red Hood: [in a fake posh voice] the handyman?!!! How could you DO this to me Dolores?!

Red Robin: [in a high-pitched voice] How could I?!! How could I NOT?? You married your office long before I ever fucked Juan-Eduardo!

Red Hood: Don’t you DARE put this on me! I knew I shouldn’t have hired that ridiculously good looking sonofabitch!

Red Robin: Hah! Well that wouldn’t have stopped me from sleeping with CHAD!

Red Hood: NO!

Red Robin: [Triumphantly] OH YES

Red Hood: NO! MY BEST FRIEND?? WILL THE LIES NEVER END DOLORES??

Red Robin: YES! And let me tell you- he was SO MUCH better than you. He-

Red Hood: YOU’RE TEARING ME APART DOLORES

Red Robin: [breaking character] nice one

Red Hood: thank you

Batman: [over the comms] what are you DOING?

Red Robin: Hi B. There’s a couple in the building across from us who’re having a huge fight. We’re giving them voices.

Red Hood: [in his fake voice] Look at all these papers! These papers that I’m waving around! Look at them!!

Red Robin: [as “Dolores”] Well if you love your papers so much why don’t you MARRY THEM?

Red Hood: MAYBE I WILL

Red Robin: I HATE YOU! I have always hated you! and what’s more- I HATE your MOTHER.

Red Hood: [gasps] MY MOTHER IS A SAINT AND A GIFT TO MANKIND

Red Robin: YOUR MOTHER IS A DECREPIT OLD WHORE

Red Hood: I WILL- DON’T YOU WALK AWAY FROM ME DOLORES

Red Robin: [hisses] Whenever the Mets play, I wish they would lose.

Red Hood: [gasps] YOU BETRAY ME LIKE THIS?? ME -the man who obviously bought every piece of Mets Merch known to man and display them in every room of our apartment like a tool?! HOW COULD YOU??!

Red Robin: Well what are you gonna do about it? HUH?

Red Hood: WHAT AM I GONNA DO? I’LL TELL YOU WHAT I’LL DO! I’M GONNA TAKE THIS GUN- [breaks character] Ohmygod he’s got a gun! Shit fuck moving out

Red Robin: We’re coming Dolores!

[Line goes dead]

Batman: …[stares unseeingly at the sky]

Oracle: Aw man, and it was just getting good too.

this blog hates donald trump

Look how many people hate him. I’m pretty damn happy about that 😁😁😁😁😁😁

I HATE BABY GAYS I HATE BABY GAYS