“Carry Yourself With The Confidence Of A Mediocre White Man.”

“Carry yourself with the confidence of a mediocre white man.”

— The Love Hypothesis

The 10 o’clock train

Okay u guys, so this is the first time that I post any of my writing, so if u got any comments or tips I’d be eternaly greatfull!!!

The sky suddenly opened up, and as the rain started to pour down, they ran across the street to the station. Already soaked, through and through, her otherwise loose dress stuck to her legs, as they made their way down the stairs. At the sight of an approaching lot of people, he gripped her hand tightly and pulled her closer, careful not to get lost in the swarm. Weaving in and out of children, couples and the occasional elder citizen, they held tightly on to one another. The crowd started to scatter, either hurrying up the stairs to the inevitable rain or further down the hall to the trains waiting to take them to their destinations. They got to the platform, and he made to loosen his grip, but she only held on tighter. He looked down upon her, meaning to tell her she could let go if she wanted, but she merely smiled at him, squeezing his hand for emphasis. Why on earth would I want to let go? Her eye seemed to ask. Her hair – which had been neatly arranged just 30 minutes ago – was now plastered across her face, her red dress no longer flowing in that special way, and yet she looked even more astonishing than ever before.

A train arrived at the platform, and they were once again crowded and pushed together by the countless people getting in and out of the train. She laid an arm around his waist, resting her head in the nook between his chest and shoulder. Above all of the noise, she could hear his heartbeat. She rather liked listening to his heart beating, especially when he’d be asleep, but she wasn’t, or whenever they were squashed together like now. The horde vanished as fast as it’d come once the train left, and the passengers started to make their way towards the exit. Above their heads, one of the speakers rustled as if clearing its throat, “Attention passengers, the 10 o’clock train towards the central station has been delayed due to weather conditions, we apologise for the inconvenience.” As the speaker once again rustled and went out, he turned his head to look down upon her, finding her already looking at him, with a displeased expression in her deep blue eyes. “Beautiful summer, huh?” he asked her with a crooked smile. Summer was always like this so they ought to be used to it by now, but somehow the poor weather always seemed to take them by surprise. “You’re not funny, you know!” she tilted her head back, looking at him as if she was getting cross. “Yes, I am. In fact, I’m so damn hilarious that only those of the highest intellect, might understand my impeccable sense of humour,” he looked away, pretending to think, “must be why you don’t get it, I suppose.” Before he saw it coming she withdrew her hand and whacked him at the back of the head. “Ouch!” he burst out, rubbing the spot with one hand. “You deserved it! And if my memory serves me right, when we first met, you proclaimed that I was ‘the funniest person, you’d ever had the pleasure of meeting’.” He shook his head, drops of rain falling as he did, and put both his arms around her small figure. Despite of the wet layers of clothes it felt nice, standing there his arms around her, as he snuggled her head into the comforting warmth of his body.

They stood like that for a while, his arms around her shoulders, her head half buried in his chest. After some time, she lifted her head, taking a step back to look him in the eyes. “So, how shall we pass the time? Seems to me that the train might not be here for quite some time.” He thought for a second, taking in the almost empty platform, and the few people scattered on various benches. He pulled back, letting go of her fully. Just as she opened her mouth to protest – already missing the heat from his body – he stretched out his left hand towards her. “Dance with me?” She started to laugh, but stopped abruptly as she laid her eyes on him. His face serious, eyes sincere and sparkling. “Well…uh…well there’s just the slight problem that I can’t actually dance.” His smile widened, “neither can I,” he conceded. “But we haven’t got any music either!” she protested. He merely ignored her, grabbing the headphones currently dangling out of his pocket and waved them an inch from her face. “Don’t we?” the crooked smile on his face grew.

They each took one of the earbuds, as he dug up his phone willing it to play her favourite song. As the song started to play he once more stretched out his left hand towards her. While she put her small hand in his larger one – both of their hands still shaking because of the rain. He slid his right hand around her waist, leaving it to rest on her back. They both took a small step closer to the other, as she finally placed her remaining hand upon his upper arm. The music began to pour out and into their heads, as they started to move – clumsily at first, but with each passing minute more and more sure of themselves and their partner. As the dance grew more fluid, and their smiles grew equivalently bigger people started to notice them – the two teenagers dancing happily as if they hadn’t a care in the world. The minutes passed, just as the people around them, yet neither of them noticed, utterly infatuated with each other and the music only they could hear. Time passed, the arms on the clock above their heads moving around, trains arriving and leaving, neither of them bestowed with the pleasure of bringing the young couple home. No, they just stayed there at the platform, unaware of the time that passed – happy in the company of the other.

Why "doing something relaxing” does not help your anxiety

A lot of the time when people give advice intended to relieve anxiety, they suggest doing “relaxing” things like drawing, painting, knitting, taking a bubble bath, coloring in one of those zen coloring books, or watching glitter settle to the bottom of a jar.

This advice is always well-intentioned, and I’m not here to diss people who either give it or who benefit from it. But it has never, ever done shit for me, and this is because it goes about resolving anxiety in the completely wrong way.

THE WORST THING YOU CAN DO when suffering from anxiety is to do a “relaxing” thing that just enables your mind to dwell and obsess more on the thing that’s bothering you. You need to ESCAPE from the dwelling and the obsession in order to experience relief.

You can drive to a quiet farm, drive to the beach, drive to a park, or anywhere else, but as someone who has tried it all many, many times, trust me–it’s a waste of gas. You will just end up still sad and stressed, only with sand on your butt. You can’t physically escape your sadness. Your sadness is inside of you. To escape, you need to give your brain something to play with for a while until you can approach the issue with a healthier frame of mind.

People who have anxiety do not need more time to contemplate, because we will use it to contemplate how much we suck.

In fact, you could say that’s what anxiety is–hyper-contemplating. When we let our minds run free, they run straight into the thorn bushes. Our minds are already running, and they need to be controlled. They need to be given something to do, or they’ll destroy everything, just like an overactive husky dog ripping up all the furniture.

Therefore, I present to you:

THINGS YOU SHOULD NOT DO WHEN ANXIOUS

–Go on a walk

–Watch a sunset, watch fish in an aquarium, watch glitter, etc.

–Go anywhere where the main activity is sitting and watching

–Draw, color, do anything that occupies the hands and not the mind

–Do yoga, jog, go fishing, or anything that lets you mentally drift

–Do literally ANYTHING that gives you great amounts of mental space to obsess and dwell on things.

THINGS YOU SHOULD DO WHEN ANXIOUS:

–Do a crossword puzzle, Sudoku, or any other mind teaser game. Crosswords are the best.

–Write something. It doesn’t have to be a masterpiece. Write the Top 10 Best Restaurants in My City. Rank celebrities according to Best Smile. Write some dumb Legolas fanfiction and rip it up when you’re done. It’s not for publication, it’s a relief exercise that only you will see.

–Read something, watch TV, or watch a movie–as long as it’s engrossing. Don’t watch anything which you can run as background noise (like, off the top of my head, Say Yes to The Dress.) As weird as it seems, American Horror Story actually helps me a lot, because it sucks me in.

–Masturbate. Yes, I’m serious. Your mind has to concentrate on the mini-movie it’s running. It can’t run Sexy Titillating Things and All The Things That are Bothering Me at the same time. (…I hope. If it can, then…ignore this one.)

–Do math problems—literally, google “algebra problems worksheet” and solve them. If you haven’t done math since 7th grade this will really help you. I don’t mean with math, I mean with the anxiety.

–Play a game or a sport with someone that requires great mental concentration. Working with 5 people to get a ball over a net is a challenge which will require your brain to turn off the Sadness Channel.

–Play a video game, as long as it’s not something like candy crush or Tetris that’s mindless.

THINGS YOU SHOULD DO DURING PANIC ATTACKS ESPECIALLY:

–List the capitals of all the U.S. states

–List the capitals of all the European countries

–List all the shapes you can see. Or all the colors.

–List all the blonde celebrities you can think of.

–Pull up a random block of text and count all the As in it, or Es or whatever.

Now obviously, I am not a doctor. I am just an anxious person who has tried almost everything to help myself. I’ve finally realized that the stuff people recommend never works because this is a disorder that thrives on free time and free mental space. When I do the stuff I listed above, I can breathe again. And I hope it helps someone here too.

(Now this shouldn’t have to be said but if the “do nots” work for you then by all means do them. They’ve just never worked for me.)

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queenofbumblebees

3 years ago

First Becca Meyers, who is a swimmer, had to drop out of the Olympics because she is deaf and blind but wasn’t allowed to bring her care assistant

Now it turns out that Simone Biles had to drop out of the Olympics because they made her go off of her medication and what’s worse is that we know this because her medical history was leaked

For the record, Biles isn’t accused of using the medication as an enhancement, Japan has banned the medication from the country because they used to use it to drug their soldiers

Not to be that guy but this shit wouldn’t have to keep happening if all of you would add disabled people’s civil rights to the agenda. Maybe right after you get around to banning all plastic straws. I don’t know. Fuck us, I guess

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queenofbumblebees

3 years ago

Discourse: Willy Wonka is Old Testament God

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