Punchy-academic - This Is Really Something

I hate the internet. I hate how this poem doesn’t need to be finished but it has 13.9k retweets and 21.1k likes. Everyone knows how this poem ends and I hate it

the voice of the devil

congrats, once you enter the magpod universe you are now bisexual unless it becomes important somehow.

Kim Addonizio, from “For Desire”, Tell Me

maybe the real northwest passage is the friends we ate along the way

Correcting a Chinese kid's English homework that another American got wrong on a Chinese app named after Mao Zedong's Little Red Book as part of a mass online temper tantrum to help save TikTok was not on my 2025 bingo card, but here we are.

This might actually be the political fuck-up of the century. Our politicians are all 900 year old crypt keepers who probably turn off their computers by unplugging them from the wall. Were there a single synapse in their decrepit domes focused on something besides their next payday, they might have thought twice about challenging Millennials and Zoomers on the internet. I repeat, ON THE INTERNET. Oh to have the confidence of an octogenarian born into generational wealth.

Something I need people to understand is the "security threat" doesn't just stop at data. The mere act of normal Chinese and American citizens interacting scares the shit out of governments on both sides. I'm already seeing videos from folks here in the US talking about how shocked they were at the grocery hauls in China, and how much they could get with very little. Chinese people are watching Americans absolutely dog walk their own government and talk it for filth. People are having fun.

All rich people had to do was remember the deal. Americans are terrible people. If they had just paid folks enough to buy a house, an electric car, and a vacation once a year they'd sit in front of the TV in a docile fugue state while the wealthy shoved their boots up the ass of the global south. Now who knows what's going to happen. I just know it's a testament to how done with Mark Zuckerberg's ass people are that they're rather learn Mandarin than go back to Facebook.

I think 2025 is about to be a ride.

HAS THIS BEEN DONE YET?? WELL IT HAS NOW

TRULY, THEY ARE PARALLELS OF ONE ANOTHER

I walked into a lab one time, feeling like I was on deaths door, and the TA took one look at me said “As long as that’s not a hangover, I’ll cover for you.”

I said “Believe me I WISH this was a hangover” he marked me present and I immediately went home and slept for 2 days.

Hey students, here’s a pro tip: do not write an email to your prof while you’re seriously sick.

Signed, a person who somehow came up with “dear hello, I am sick and not sure if I’ll be alive to come tomorrow and I’m sorry, best slutantions, [name]”.

can you imagine how freaky shark mermaids would be like unlike sharks, shark mermaids would have actual arms/hands and could rely on touching things with their hands to see if they’re prey rather than having to bite like sharks do. like youre just swimming in the ocean and suddenly you feel a strong grip on your leg, you freak the FUCK out because uh what????? the fuck??? youre swimming alone in the ocean??

a head pops out of the water, dorsal fin pointed from its back and it just points at you and says in a low whisper: “i thought you were a seal. please dont swim alone like this, im sorry i scared you i just wanted to see what you are” and then disappears back into the depth. what the fuck.

Temples are built for gods. Knowing this a farmer builds a small temple to see what kind of god turns up.