I Tried So Hard

Margaret Atwood, from Paper Boat: Selected Poems; "He Shifts from East to West,"

Everyday,

I wake up to another nightmare

too wild but definitely real,

unable to stand up and fight

unable to be the knight in armor

unable to work hard for my dreams

unable to love, to fight.

I wish to be reborn.

right into the arms of a monster.

A monster who will tame my wildness. to an extend.

~k

the silence is getting too loud. Stop it. I can't save me.

how am i going to rebuild myself when i dont let myself fall apart?

Am i not family, mom ?

Why do i always feel like i am an outsider in my own home ?

Why do you assume i dont need that love ?

Why do you assume i dont need to be protected ?

Why do you insist on making me stronger ?

It hurts to watch.

To watch my family from afar.

i am living the

best daydream and

worst nightmare

at the same time.

it’s just me and my blurry vision against the world

i keep going back,

and it hurts.

the world is heartbreaking every day and the world is beautiful every day and we have to pay attention to both

Untitled 15/7/24

Writing and rewriting the same lines,

Over and over again,

Thinking, That’s awful, this is awful, why can’t you write something good for once.

For once? Something good for once?

If it’s as awful as you’re saying it is,

Why do(es) literally everybody you know who you show it to,

And even people you “know” superficially via social media and one shared interest,

Praise it constantly?

And why do even the most unpolished of first drafts receive that same praise?

Maybe you’re actually a decent author & poet?

Ever think of that?

-oaks

life would have been soo dramatic

if i was a dragonnn