Hello Very Much,

The best thing about tumblr is that when i look at a blog there isnt a number next to the persons name that determines their overall value to me. Like do i really need to know how many people follow the same person as me?

Listening to my mom tell me that i had a major personality change when i started going to a dance studio is unlocking a lot if memories of being as outspoken as she said i was how i would lip sync to songs, jumping was enough dancing to have fun, and i was whole lot less conditioned to make myself useful to others.

Also my family members gradually stopped going to therapy once i stopped because they thought they didnt need it anymore. THEY STILL NEED IT. I stopped going because i moved and honestly after visiting them for 3 days i need to go back to therapy.

Stretch Marks

I felt my legs while laying in bed today and felt like they were smoother than usual. This hit me strangely because i remember always feeling the unique stretch marks that have permanently adorned my skin. After spending my preteen and teen years afraid to get in the pool or wear booty shorts, its weird that now that ive finally made peace with my body, my stretch marks are disappearing.

Im suddenly remembering that i felt like my wellness was a burden. I think im gonna start taking care of myself as a privilege to contribute to my altar because the goddess that i am provides and protects every second of the day and i want to say thank you and convey my sincerity.

Are you becoming what you've always hated?

Isle of Dogs / Game of Thrones / Painting by Jenn Mazza / Unknown / Ancestral Memory by Hari Alluri / Unknown / Venetta Octavia / Emma Tranter / Unknown / Ninth House by Leigh Bardugo / @ machineryangel

Ive learned that when i react proportionate to your offenses instead of listening to my words and interpreting my volume for conviction all you listen to is what you’ve heard time and time again: that i am as dangerous as a bear. You see my small stature and tears streaming down my face and the first things you think about is YOUR SAFETY. You know what? Fuck you and the fucked people that said that im in the wrong for getting angry because i hope you know i have been angry since. I actually dont feel much anymore and its your fault.

I took myself in a date to the museum last night in attempts to spend time with myself without needing to look normal. I’m working on living without being scared of someone seeing me and judging me for being alone or judging me for dressing weird. Yesterday I really needed to show up for myself after months and months of letting myself down and only finding inspiration in doing things for other people. So last night i took a couple hours for myself. I put on makeup, i put in my favorite clothes, took a train, and walked around for a couple of hours purely for myself.

My mom, as a single parent, used to work at the front desk of my dance studio after her regular 9-5 just so i could have “free” unlimited classes and studio space to practice. And that sums up my mom as a parent.