Me Except I Turn Every Single Squish/crush Into A Full Blown Limerent, Delusional, Crying At 2 A.M. Obsession.

Hey so sorry about my week or so absence.

The truth is that I was in a mental state of absolute limbo. I was so depressed and generally low energy that I lost a lot of motivation to do literally anything.

I stopped talking to people, barely went out or payed attention in classes, and kinda abandoned the blog as a product of my growing apathy towards… well everything.

Although I do feel better now(somewhat), I do feel very guilty. Not only will I probably fail most of my classes, but I feel like I’m just driving a wedge in all of my relationships to where I feel like I don’t have any connection or attachment to them anymore.

But hey. At least I got my monster energy. 🤷‍♀️

Anxious jirais, could you reblog this if it's alright to interact with you? Sending asks/messages/reblogs/etc. too!

I made a bunch of collages of all the different styles I like & wear/want to wear.

90/2000s Grunge?? Not sure…

Mcbling/Trashy Y2K

Kawaii(with some possible jojifuku influences)

2020s Tiktok Alt

Mall Goth

Scenekid

Dark Coquette/Morute/Dollcore

Jirai Kei/Girly Kei

Imagine my struggle trying to figure out what to wear lmao

You ever feel like you’re just not as connected to anyone like you were previously?

Like you’re close with a certain set of people in the sense that you’ve known each other for so long and you’ve been through a lot with them, but you aren’t close with them in a sense that you can have a conversation and not let it die within a minute of talking.

This is how I feel everyday.

My friends, family, everyone. I feel connected to no one anymore, and the loneliness is actually starting to kill me deep down. Each day that passes, I feel myself becoming more and more clouded and desperate to feel at least a little closer to someone.

I’m tired of having these fantasies and other delusions that I am famous and loved and accepted like I want to be.

In fact, I’m hopelessly scrolling through stupid dating apps silently praying that I can get a connection with SOMEONE and maybe feel something other than numbness and guilt, but so far I’ve had no luck.

The internet is all I have, and if I were to lose that.. I think a part of me would die.

Jirai culture is feeling guilty for trying to recover

.

WARNING:

POSSIBLE NSFW & SH MENTIONS

I just got a message from I think a bot or maybe a scammer trying to get me to be his sugarbaby or something like that.

I blocked of course but it got me thinking…

Even if it wasn’t a ploy or something I just wanna say:

Bitch in what world am I sugar baby material?😭I’m a hopeless, fat virgin who cuts herself to cope with stress(which doesn’t even work anymore), can’t maintain a healthy friendship to save her life, and will throw a hissy fit when things don’t go exactly as she wants it to go.

I struggle doing minimal tasks such as getting up in the morning, brushing my teeth and taking a shower.

I spent the last two days doing absolutely nothing but sleeping and scrolling on my phone, praying that I get more online attention.

They say people are complex but if I were a rubix puzzle i’d be a fucking dodecahedron.

I’m a mess and I wear that fact on my sleeve.

I doubt that I can handle a relationship, let alone a transactional one.

Anyone got any J-idol recommendations?

Here are a few of the ones I like atm to get an idea of what I’m looking for:

-BABYMETAL

-Candye Syrup

-Momiro Clover Z

-i☆Ris

-femme fatale

I already have a list of some of my faves but I don’t think I delved into specific songs so here we go :3

Jazmin Bean-Piggie, Carnage, Hello Kitty

Eyes Set to Kill-Broken Frames, Reach, All You Ever Knew

Sleeping With Sirens-If I’m James Dean Then You’re Aubrey Hepburn, A Trophy Fathers Trophy Son, Deja Vu

Pierce The Veil-A Match Into Water, Tangled in the Great Escape, Million Dollar Painter

Hollywood Undead- Own the Night, Gangsta Sexy, Coming in Hot

Attack Attack!-Smokahontas, Renob Nevada, Turbo Swag

Candye Syrup-Idol Death Ska, Sweet Suicide, Syrup

CORPSE-Code Mistake, Cat Girls Are Ruining My Life, Daywalker

Carolesdaughter-nobody’s favorite not even my own, Target Practice, My Mother Wants Me Dead

Nicole Dollanganger-Flowers of Flesh and Blood, Poacher’s Pride, Gold Satin Dreamer

MARINA(& the Diamonds)-Teen Idle, Primadonna, Ancient Dreams in a Modern Land

Ethel Cain-Head in the Wall, Ptolemea, Inbred

That’s all the ones I’ll name for now less I go on forever and ever lol

What r yalls fav songs and/or artists!

Feel free to ask me any of these!(^_^)

I have a lot of free time so I’ll probably answer any of them as soon as I get them.

cutesy and creepy ask game ☆

🎀 - favorite anime ?? ( if you have one )

🩸 - scariest experience you feel comfortable sharing ??

🦴 - how do u dress irl ??

🖤 - any paranormal experiences ??

🧁 - favorite music ??

⛓️ - do you listen to true crime ??

🏩 - show us some of your comfort items !!

🐈‍⬛ - show us something scary you have in your house !!

🧠 - favorite cat breed ??

💀 - do you like horror movies ??

🍮 - what's your favorite memory ??

🌑 - have you ever had an emo phase ??

⭐️ - hot chocolate , coffee , both , or neither ??

💉 - do you listen to metal / hard rock ??

🪷 - what's your favorite pink color combo ??

🕷 - have you ever drank alcohol?

🍧 - 3 characters you kin/relate to ??

🕸 - ever gotten in legal trouble??

🍀 - do you collect plushies and/or figures ??

🎱 - do you like vampires ??

IF YOUR UNCOMFORTABLE WITH ANSWERING ANY OF THESE QUESTIONS, THATS OKAY! JUST LET PEOPLE KNOW KINDLY.

edit: ty for all the notes holy shit <333

Omg I’m already halfway to 1,000 it’s only been over a week or so since I’ve been here😭

Thank you guys though! Seriously! I don’t think I’ve ever felt this welcome and validated in a community before!🥹