23.02.22

1989

somewhere out there chaghan heard the news of fang runin’s death through the talks of the markets. he stops to ask them what they know, and they tell him she died on speer, by the side of chen kitay, and at the hand of yin nezha. he understands that she is gone—that he is the last of the cike, and he has never felt lonelier.

Learn about consents in any place and in every place irrespective of who is saying that. Excluding their profession as well. Respect consent.

Little Tit-Bits of thoughts -Diary blog post

Do you wonder about how mundane things are everyday but when you look back there’s so many things that reminds of you each and everyday.  Do you say to your mind or under your breath” this day sucks” but when you think, you realize they are different. I do this a lot, looking back I mean however that doesn’t mean I  don’t enjoy my present. But I look back a lot, and most of the time I go through my pages of old diary. It’s the end of 2021 and when I read my old entries, I wondered and always became astonished how different I am compared to my previous self and sometimes I wish I could go back at that time and say to myself you are doing great love, stop the self loathing thoughts. I am completing my Master this year. When I went to my campus for the very last time, I stood for a long time in front of my class building and my mind went through so many flashbacks. One of the most prominent thought was I will never be able to go through those simple times. I am an adult now and can never go back to those carefree days. I wish to enjoy and live my present more lively so that I look back to my life and can say it was a great life. New year and new situations. Hope my 2022 be brighter and full of everything.   

2nd June,22

This is my June Productivity Challenge Day 1, so i can keep track of my work life as well as study. Today marks my first time working in a late night shift, I'm excited to work and I hope i won't fell asleep in the middle of it. Fingers are crossed.

I don't care if people ship Jonsa, but stop stealing content from Jonrya and somehow making it about Sansa when it's actually about Arya. And stop lying about Jon and Sansa's importance to each other.

Jon and Sansa rarely think about one another. Sansa thinks about Jon one time while pretending to be a bastard, and that was only after someone else brought him up. And that was the first time she thought about him since AGoT.

Jon, on the other hand, hardly thinks about Sansa either. It's Arya that he misses even more than Robb, and Arya who misses Jon the most out of all her siblings.

Jon compares Ygritte to Arya, not Sansa.

Jon wants to kill Ramsay for being betrothed to Arya, not Sansa.

Jon sends Mance to find the grey girl on a dying horse which was supposed to be Arya, not Sansa.

Jon was willing to forsake his vows to the Night's Watch for Arya, not Sansa.

Jon's favorite person in the world is Arya, and Arya's favorite person is Jon.

every now and then i look back on this GIF i have of nalu during tartaros arc and cry about how this particular scene alone solidifies the beauty of their relationship (natsu holding lucy's hand gently in the face of chaos and panic did wonders to my heart)

Lucerys's outline in aemond's sapphire when he jumps him at storms end, like how to add little proofs of obsession, he's both the reason for the sapphire being there and complete focus of aemond 🤌

Levihan in 132, not what you thought

To understand 132 and Levi Arkerman as a character, one needs to look at Levi’s whole military life and beyond.

I think 99% of readers failed to notice a critical behavioral pattern from Levi - how he deals with death.

Let me refresh your memory.

In his first appearance in the manga, Levi is holding the hands of a dying comrade and promising him revenge.

The behavioral pattern starts from there.

He stares at Petra’s dead body.

He looks straight into Erwin’s eyes and asks him to die (to give Erwin strength).

Later he stares at Erwin’s dead body.

Even when Hange looks away he keeps staring, imprinting the image of Erwin’s death on his mind.

It keeps evolving.

In the forest he killed all his subordiantes who turned into titans, deliberately stopped to stare at their dead bodies before catching up with Zeke. Though heart-broken for a fleeting moment, Levi, in extreme anger, almost got a… you tell me what experession on his face. 

There must be a reason aside from the fact that too many deaths desensitize him to it?

Remember Levi’s childhood trauma?

He was abandoned by Kenny.

Levi copes with his fear for the death of people close to him, the fear of being left behind, by looking at death straight in the eye, sneering at it, metaphorically laughing at it.

Gradually, death fuels his anger, becoming an impetus to drive him forward, in a bone-chilling way it almost excites him, and he unleashes his anger through violence, or in a nicer name, revenge.

Let me reword it in case you think I’m too harsh on Levi:

He avenges his comrades’ deaths to give meaning to their sacrifices; for himself, personally, he deals with death in this way so no one’s death could break him. 

He asks his comrades not to die, he wants to save people, as many as possible. But Levi, understanding the inevitability of sacrifice since joinging the Survey Corps, is not scared of anyone’s death. He is Death itself, he is unstoppable.

You can’t scare me, you can’t hurt me.

-

Hange ends it for Levi, right there in 132.

First let me say, what a genius Isayama is!

Once, Kenny left Levi without a word, leaving him in confusion and pain: “why did you leave me that day”? 20-plus years later, Hange attempted to jump off the plane without a word to Levi. She only had a final talk with 104.

It was Levi who stopped her in her track.

Hange orders him to let her go (it’s not a polite ask).

He can’t look at her eyes, he can’t move. Nor could Hange look at his eyes, if she does, she will lose all the strength to go.

The sound of Rumblings and her order are the recipe for Levi’s mental breakdown.

Then comes the salute.

It is an explosive moment ruined by wanton translations, which I will talk about at the end.

Hange walks past him, Levi remains in the same position, refusing to turn around to send her off.

Remember his stare-at-death-and-the-dead way of dealing with his comrades’ sacrifice?

On the plane, while 104 crowd at the window, Levi retreats to his seat, away from the window as if hiding from some monster.

So he would’t have to watch her fall, so there is no image of her death on his mind.

(Note Levi is no longer near the window, he is at the opposite side, and looking downward)

Even better, he mumbles to himself and to her “…see you, Hange”, a pathetic act of self-deception.

A small Japanese language lesson to have a better grasp of it. 

じゃあな - what Levi said - is a casual way of saying “see you later” in daily conversations. Like, at the end of a meeting, “it’s 5 pm, let’s call it a day, see ya!”

Say it to a deceased person, people who happen to hear it will freak out and worry about your mental statement. The right word for people you’re never going to meet again is さようなら.

Levi is a kid in denial. 

If I can’t accept something, I pretend it doesn’t exist. I say it out loud to convince myself. 

No she’s not dead, I will see her later.

-

Ladies and Gentlemen, that’s Levi kneeling in front of Death, covering his eyes and ears - he is scared. Over decades, for the first time, he can’t face it. He fears (her) death.

Here is a Buddhist philosophy regarding love:

Love leads to fear.

-

If I turn around, I will have to watch you go

I will break down, and beg you to stay.

See how Hange triggered Levi’s childhoold trauma of being abandoned by Kenny and it’s worse this time. He has less courage facing it than the little boy 20 years ago.

-

For 132’s “devote the heart” scene, it deserves another long-winded analysis, because again, you need to check the slogan and gesture featured in the manga, not with just a vague memory, and first you need to get the translation right. Not “devote YOUR heart”, no.

Coming soon…

-

Speaking of Levi’s chilldhood trauma, Hange taking care of him with love and tenderness, protecting him, keeping him alive, is a reminder of mom’s unconditional love. 

I will save the analysis for another day. Isayama’s genius play shouldn’t go unnoticed - Pietà! (When is Levi’s brithday? Chritsmas)

All I’m saying is, the love Levi recieved and the pain he endured during his childhood, all came back and culminated in his relationship with Hange. 

I don’t know why Isayama applies such aesthetics and narrative skills of literature level to a manga couple. It’s too too too much for average readers and anime watchers.

リヴァハン

Source@Pixiv

Artist’s Twitter