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Rant of a PCOS Girlie

I am so angry at the society that failed me as a human being. I hate being a woman. Why our reproductive system and complications are so understudied. Why do we and our health come out at the end of the barrel when the whole population depends on us. For my whole life, I have suffered so much because of my periods. In my teenage days, I cried so many nights, days, and evenings because of abdominal cramps; it was so painful, I felt like I might pass out. And the irony is among all these I had to study, attend my classes and expect to get good grades, cause come on, it's just periods, no big deal!. I literally had to sit in my washroom because it was so painful, uncomfortable.

I am so angry at my parents, too. When I used to cry, bleed out, my mother used to say it's normal, everybody has pain. No! it's not normal to feel like you might pass out, lightheaded, or bleed for days after days. Never did they think that it might be something else. Because of it's periods, it's regarding a woman's reproductive health, a specific organ, and because nobody in society bothers to do proper research about it. Oh, you have menstruation issues- here either go on hormonal tablets or take a contraceptive pill.

Now, being in my late twenties and diagnosed with severe PCOS and having to flip out my lifestyle, diets, and food preferences just to undo years and years of negligence, makes me feel that it's so unfair to me. I was a child, they should have researched and taken care of me.

I know it is their first time being parents too, and I tell myself every day. But it's so unfair and unjust to me, I didn't sign for this. I have my uterus, I have it so much. I hate that society to not live up to us. If men had uterus, there would never be so much unfairness regarding their treatment.

I am so tired.

The Poppy War characters ❤️❤️

This took me nine hours and 45 mins :)

Rin and Venka hii 🤲🏼🫠

absolutely genius of rf kuang to elaborate on virtually nothing about speer's culture. the only things said about speer are "speerlies are mindless savages" and "speerlies are most definitely not mindless savages". there are no deep dives, no explanations of their way of life, nothing beyond the glimpses that disproves nikan's belief that they are nothing but a violent group. we saw that they had leaders that cared about their people and children. we saw that they are people who found joy in life. but that's really not much.

this emphasizes the horror of genocide. millenia of culture and history, individual lives filled with love, pain, and passion, just completely wiped away. there were only two surviving speerlies. one of them was too young when he was taken away, and probably doesn't remember much. the things he did remember was also probably buried under years of abuse and drugs people were plying him with. the other one didn't even know she was from speer until the last few months of her life, and there was really no one around to teach her about their culture. and if there was, life as she knows it was falling apart. learning about her dead people's culture probably didn't even cross her mind.

without saying any of these things and by intentionally leaving readers in the dark about what speer was truly like, rf kuang said so much about the horrors of genocide. by not saying anything, she said everything. she did the "show me, don't tell me" tip for writers and it was brilliant.

we will never learn most of speer's culture and history and that was the point.

“The only difference between us is that I can suffer pain, and you’re still a fucking coward.” -TDR p.469

She brings out the viseral rage in me

female rage ft. Fang Runin

The personification of female rage

the most sad part about the ending is the fact that they can't never fulfill their hope and dreams for their country since they only talk about it with each other. nobody alive knows about what it. rin wanted a free tuition for school, venka wanted to make a rule to punish sexual predator, kitay wanted to preserve ancient text in every university.

and yet, the country they fought for. the country they spend their blood, sweat, and tears, will have none of that.

their dreams are buried with them.

somewhere out there chaghan heard the news of fang runin’s death through the talks of the markets. he stops to ask them what they know, and they tell him she died on speer, by the side of chen kitay, and at the hand of yin nezha. he understands that she is gone—that he is the last of the cike, and he has never felt lonelier.

absolutely genius of rf kuang to elaborate on virtually nothing about speer's culture. the only things said about speer are "speerlies are mindless savages" and "speerlies are most definitely not mindless savages". there are no deep dives, no explanations of their way of life, nothing beyond the glimpses that disproves nikan's belief that they are nothing but a violent group. we saw that they had leaders that cared about their people and children. we saw that they are people who found joy in life. but that's really not much.

this emphasizes the horror of genocide. millenia of culture and history, individual lives filled with love, pain, and passion, just completely wiped away. there were only two surviving speerlies. one of them was too young when he was taken away, and probably doesn't remember much. the things he did remember was also probably buried under years of abuse and drugs people were plying him with. the other one didn't even know she was from speer until the last few months of her life, and there was really no one around to teach her about their culture. and if there was, life as she knows it was falling apart. learning about her dead people's culture probably didn't even cross her mind.

without saying any of these things and by intentionally leaving readers in the dark about what speer was truly like, rf kuang said so much about the horrors of genocide. by not saying anything, she said everything. she did the "show me, don't tell me" tip for writers and it was brilliant.

we will never learn most of speer's culture and history and that was the point.

And finally, artwork for The Burning God, book 3 of the Poppy War series by the amazing R.F. Kuang. This was made for Subterranean Press's limited run of a special edition publication.

Hope you enjoyed the art!

Sketches and other bonus content are available on my Patreon!

i will NEVER stop talking about “you’re hurting me”. there couldn’t have been better or more devastating last words for kitay. for so long he endured the pain every time rin called the fire. he never said anything. rin saw how much he was hurting, constantly asked him if he wants her to stop, but he always said no, always said he was fine because he never wanted to deny her anything. because he knew how important the fire was to her. the only time he denies her is at the very end, when rin loses her mind. and even then, at her worst, as she tries to overpower kitay, the SECOND he says “you’re hurting me” she stops. and not only does she stop, but it stops her descent into madness and she has one final moment of clarity. because “rin couldn’t hurt kitay and not worry about it. if she could, she’d be lost.”

My favorite illustrations from The Poppy War Collector's Edition

I worked on a limited press run of The Poppy War series by R.F. Kuang, published by Subterranean Press. Featured here are the cover art and interior illustrations for The Poppy War.

I also did work for book 2, The Dragon Republic, and book 3, The Burning God! Those will be posted soon!

Sketches and other BTS content of my art are available on my Patreon!

Artwork done for Subterranean Press's limited edition of The Dragon Republic by R.F. Kuang. I really enjoyed working on this one, too. I love the ocean and bodies of water and stuff like that :)

Sketches and other bonus content are available on my Patreon.

i love this book so much

Loose threads and various trivia from the Poppy War series that I can't stop thinking about

I'm writing this because I have very little time to write at the moment so I won't be able to fit all these elements into the Poppy War fic I'm writing but I still have to get it out of the system because the amount of detail is insane.

DrUgS!

Ancient Chinese medicine in general is full of hallucinogenic and poisonous plants that were dosed very carefully, but shamans used them to talk to the gods, and the most common ones were:

The fly agaric mushroom: the mushroom that Chaghan and Qara gave to Kitay and Rin for the anchor ritual.

The ephedra plant: it was generally drunk in the form of tea and I think it's the liquid from the flask Jiang gives Rin in the first book when he sends her to meditate in the forest since Rin describes its effects not as a high but more as the beneficial effects of the plant in question.

The datura plant: it's extremely poisonous and was used in small amounts for its powerful hallucinogenic effects and sometimes its flowers are a blue-violet so I think it's the famous blue powder that Chaghan carries around in a small bottle although I couldn't find anything claiming it was used in that form. On that note, one of the candidates for Chaghan's drug is also cannabis, which was also used by Taoist monks and nomadic peoples from which I assume Hinterlands are inspired and, although they are modern hybrids, there are blue variants of this plant so it could be an artistic license from Kuang.

Betel nut tree: as Shiro experiments on Altan and Rin rants that the introduction of the Speerly to opium was an idea of the Red Emperor to make them addicted to Nikan and that previously their people used the bark of a tree without specifying which one. I think this is the tree in question although in reality, it is the nuts that are consumed because in addition to being the fourth most commonly used psychoactive substance after tobacco, alcohol, and caffeinated drinks, according to the World Health Organization, it energizing effects prevent fatigue and thirst so the famous fame of the Speerly warriors, at least those in Tearza's time, perhaps also stemmed from this as well as the brutal training regime and the legend of its origin is also very much linked to the Speerly eyes.

2.The Different Peoples of Nikan

I will only talk about Speerly and Hinterlanders otherwise I will never stop writing.

Speerly: As I mentioned above, the Tiwanese legend of the birth of the Betel Tree is linked to the inspiration for the red eyes of our phoenix warriors. According to the legend of the Paiwan tribe, one day a child with red eyes was born in a village, who killed any living thing with a glance. In the end Pali, this is the child's name, after finally integrating himself into the village and using the power of his eyes in wars between the other tribes, will be put to death after accidentally killing children but a friend of his notices that a betel nut tree was born on Pali's grave, the fruits of which are as wide and red as the boy's eyes that will protect the people of the village from then on. Now, what do you do with an intriguing legend about a red-eyed boy whose death essentially gave rise to a light drug tree? Apparently Kuang's answer was an entire red-eyed people reaching out to their murderous goddess via a drug of the colour of their eyes. I love this woman.

Hinterlanders: Rather than being one of a single people they are a sort of confederation of clans inspired by the Huns and the Mongols but I find it fascinating that many have light eyes and hair isn't an artistic license by the author to make them more 'shamanic' like most fantasy writers do because apparently a lot of ancient nomadic Asian ethnic groups had light eyes and hair. I used to think it was incredibly rare and more a thing of the descendants of peoples who lived near the Silk Road or the European border.

3.The Dragon

The Dragon is a Yao not a God.

I know Chaghan has already explained this, but many seem to forget about it, while I who had read Poppy War because I was in abstinence of Wuxia like MoDaoZuShi started shouting IS A FUKING Yao! and suddenly Nezha's whole speech about how it's not like Rin suddenly makes sense. Because Yao are often confused with Magical Beasts or Gods but Yao is a broad term for any animal, plant or even inanimate object that has gained spiritual awareness and magical powers. In this case, as Chaghan explained, an animal has absorbed the power of the Caves (if we want to speak in terms of theology or even Wuxia it would be Qi or even Mana if you prefer) which are one of those places where the veil between the two worlds thins and supposedly filled with the power of the real Rain Dragon and has become the 'Dragon'. But he is not a god because, as has already been said in the trilogy, true gods do not have material bodies. This can be confirmed in the story Vaisra tells Nezha about the shaman Yu who suggests that he has turned into the Dragon when in fact he may have been eaten and absorbed into the 'collection' of the Yao because in The Nine Curves River, a story by Kuang in the collection The Books of Dragons, she suggests the Yao existed before Yu's time because she makes no mention of Yu's legend but instead it is a fisherman who becomes the dragon in one of the versions.

The Dragon (Yao) is a Yinglong

The story of the Cave Dragon that Vaisra tells Nezha is inspired by the story of the legendary King Yu, founder of the Xia Dynasty who, according to the story, controlled the flooding of the Yellow River thanks to a Yinglong a very powerful water dragon that had lost its wings to kill a drought demon. This dragon is also related to the eels, through a connection that I honestly didn't understand, at least as Wikipedia explained it, and it relates back to how Rin sees him when he attacks the cave, because at least to me he reminds me of a giant eel.

Maybe the Yin sacrifice their children to the Yao

Okay I know, it sounds absurd, now I'll explain. Also in The Nine Curves River it is understood that it is set before the reign of the Red Emperor (the monks still operate) and the people of Arlong sacrifice the most beautiful people they can find in times of severe drought. Now there is no reference to anything like this in the era in which Poppy War is set but something may have changed when Yu was the one bound to the Yao in Dragon form, because in the story it is referred to that Yu would not allow anyone else to suffer, and in The Nine Curves River the Yao can cause an abnormal and prolonged drought until the sacrifice has been made but not in the times we are shown. So Yu did something that kept the Yao at bay for over a thousand years after his death or the Yin family sacrifice their children in secret. I have this theory that the Yin took it upon themselves to nurture what they thought was a God for the sake of their people after all forms of worship had been banned and, since in The Nine Curves River it is specified that the sacrificed people must go there voluntarily (perhaps a limitation imposed by the fact that even real gods cannot invade the minds of shamans unless the latter want them to and so a Yao who feeds on their power cannot go out and eat whoever they want whenever they want) the Yin Lords of the past would have piqued the curiosity of the sacrificable children to make them go to the Grotto voluntarily and the Yao would accept them as offerings and prevent the drought. So Vaisra knew that one of his sons would be eaten? Hell yes. Or at least he hoped that Yu's legend had some truth to it (knowing Riga) and that he would end up with at least one son turned into a Dragon to use for his revolution. As they say, be careful what you wish for.

Mingzha was not devoured by accident

Of course the whole theory above is dismantled when Nezha tells Yao that he was so hungry that he hadn't even thought of keeping Mingzha for himself and had devoured him straight away and that Nezha would go with him, presumably to do what Yu did (perhaps he had intuited something that is not told) to keep him at bay for so long. But hunger may not have been Yao's only reason for choosing to eat the child. Mingzha is presented to us with gold bracelets and anklets that are good luck charms for children, and so far nothing strange apart from the potential to be a heartbreak parallel for Nezha's handcuffs. But in The Nine Curves River the author implies that all Dragon sacrifices are marked with gold bracelets and anklets, so when the Yao chose Mingzha it was because he thought he was a sacrifice to be devoured.

The Red Emperor and Yu were like Nezha and Yin.

Me with a really crazy theory? More likely than you think.

So from what I understand even though it's not specified, the Yao doesn't eat all his sacrifices otherwise people like Yu and Nezha and the Fisherman wouldn't exist, even in legend. Maybe he plays with his food or maybe he has to give a fraction of his power in return, unfortunately we don't have enough elements to determine this but in Yu's legend there is a reference to the fact that the Dragon Province had become unlivable due to the currents and climate towards the end of the Red Emperor's reign, giving us a very specific time window in which to place the tale, which is strange in itself, but also makes a heavy implication (at least to me) that it was the Emperor's presence that made Arlong prosperous and, towards the end of his life, the work of his 'sacrifice' tapered off until Yu took his place.

Now, why do I think the Red Emperor was a Yin? Because Kuang loves to make us suffer and since Rin is Tearza's descendant it would make sense for Nezha to be a descendant of the Red Emperor but also for a few other reasons: Kitay says that the aunts and cousins of the Yin Clan were chosen as concubines of the Emperors and if the intrigue of the Harem didn't go out of fashion it wasn't just because of their beauty, women related to Kings and Emperors were a useful chess piece in political machinations. The coat of arms of House Yin is a dragon and speaking of historical reality the only ones who could wear the dragon on their robes or as a family crest were the Emperors and his family. Reference is made to the fact that there were no survivors of his lineage almost too insistently, just as there is no reference to Tearza's lineage until she calls Rin my blood. The Yin have the Imperial Seal that was thought to be lost. I'm pretty sure the Red Emperor is historically the equivalent of Emperor Qin Shi Huang, whose birth name was Ying Zheng and well . . . I know the Ying character and the Yin character are different but they sound similar and from a plot point of view the Red Emperor's remaining descendants could have hidden themselves by changing surnames but still one that had a resemblance to the one of origin or a side branch of the family, the possibilities are many. Lastly, he might be right about the Yin feeding their children to the Yao in Dragon form.

As for Yu, I think he was another yin descendant because, at least in the Italian version, Nezha seems to know that Yu is his ancestor.

That's all for now, at least until I find the rest of my notes. If any of this inspires you to write something I would love to have a little credit, even a small one, and oh. . .I definitely want to read it, or if you want to go in the rabbit hole with me don't be shy

Villain and violent, infant and innocent, Baby both arms cradle you now

—

Recently finished the Poppy War Trilogy and safe to say it’s totally wrecked me :,) unfortunately I can’t find a lot of content around it so ig I’ll just have to make my own.

This is my first render of Nezha and Rin + first attempt in a long time at heavy lineart so pls forgive any wonkiness, i definitely want to draw them a whole lot both to fill the Rinzha shaped hole in my heart but also to get their designs down better

I lied, put your clothes back on

I'm going to explain to you why Altan, Qara and Chaghan are the characters that were telling us in advance about the end of the trilogy and the trifecta formed by Nezha, Rin and Kitay but we didn't pay enough attention to them

Altan, Chaghan and Qara are the" failed" trifecta

Altan's sacrifice breaks the cycle, paving the way for Rin, Kitay, and Nezha to become the next generation of the trifecta

Each reflects the mistakes of the past: Rin as Altan and Riga, Kitay as Qara and Jiang, and Nezha as Chaghan and Daji, all trapped in the same vicious cycle

In the end, Rin understands that, like Altan, her destiny is to sacrifice herself to break the cycle. Her death, along with Kitay's, leaves Nezha alive and ruling, mirroring Chaghan's fate

In the dynamic of Rin, Kitay and Nezha, it is clear that they represent an echo of Altan, Chaghan and Qara's failed attempt. Rin takes Altan's place as the center of destruction and strength, Kitay represents strategic and emotional stability as Qara did, while Nezha, being the only one left in the end, is a distorted version of Chaghan, the survivor who carries the weight of the world

Rin understands, at the end of the trilogy, the meaning of Altan's sacrifice: not only was it necessary to break the cycle to create something new, but his sacrifice was also an act of love towards her, giving her the opportunity to build a future that he never had. Rin's sacrifice reflects that understanding, breaking the cycle of hatred and revenge that Riga perpetuated in his generation

(I hope you understand, English is not my native language)

I should be drawing I Know...

“At Sinegard they had been about the same height… But then, at Sinegard they had just been children,”

This song is so Rin and Nezha coded. It really conveys their relationship so much. Enemies by duty, by beliefs, yet deep down lovers. The parallels between the 2 couples are paralleling.

Anyway, that's my remark for the day 🙂🙂. Now, let me grieve both of them.

Poppy War Commission

TSH spoilers:

I feel like we as a fandom do not talk about Henry’s symbolism in TSH enough. Like, that dude is the literal embodiment of death, and I just think it’s so damn cool. I mean, his whole obsession with language and literature stemmed from the fact that he almost died in a car accident. And then every death we see in the book (the farmer’s, Bunny’s, and his very own) is directly at his hands. The others were accomplices, sure, but Henry’s the one who takes action every time. And in Francis’s failed suicide and Richard’s near death in the epilogue, they both see Henry, not Bunny or Charles or what have you.

Henry is not only obsessed with death, he IS death. He’s the reaper who’s friends toy with their mortality all the time through drugs and booze. The reason they all admire him is not only because of his size and stature and brilliance; it’s because he’s dangerous. If beauty is indeed terror, than he’s the most beautiful of them all. They all have the life preservation skills of a fly, so of course they love Henry. And of course his actions constantly bring them closer to danger and death.

was it casual when you shoved him off the cliff and then stood over his corpse watching the warmth and light slowly fade from his familiar blue eyes was it casual when his father said you made his son the happiest he'd ever seen his baby boy was it casual when his parents gave you the honor of being the pallbearer when you stood amongst his brothers and carried the corpse you'd made to the hollowed ground was it casual when you were so lost in your own mind standing above his grave that you smeared the dirt of his grave across your chest (you killed him. it doesn't mean you didn't love him.)

The thing about Bunny at the beginning is not that bad, little annoying may be but it was tolerable. Later when Richard gets to know about the farmer murder, his visions got distorted which I believe a result of Henry's manipulation. If bunny was that bad then he wouldn't have a girlfriend. Henry wouldn't be his friend from the beginning at all. What he was going through total nervous breakdown. Think if your friends murder an innocent bystander and be totally chill about it. Like yes, we are guilty but not enough to surrender ourselves to the police. Which is totally normal. I would also be frustrated with their hypocrisy. Also he being rude to Camalia like Camalia was not sleeping with her brother.

He was the only normal one among them.

One thing i can yap and yap on about for ages is the fact that the greek class cant for the life of them grasp the fact that bunny is upset by the murder of the farmer

When henry is telling the story of the bacchanal to richard, he says bunny couldnt understand how serious the situation was because he was freaking out which is funny, because he was the only one who understood

Henry also said that bunny wasnt upset about the murder but rather about the fact that theyd gone without him, and that he couldn't possibly care that theyd killed a man because he wasnt "exactly the most moral man" as if u needed to be fucking gandhi to realize that killing someone is wrong

When bunny started acting out they were all convinced he was doing it out of spite or to get under their skin, completely ignoring the signs that showed he was having a complete nervous breakdown and was slowly losing his mind because of what they had done

This is because they themselves did not see the act as something that was morally wrong, but rather an inconvenience for them. Like francis said, it wasnt voltaire they killed. They were so out of touch with reality that they lived not in this world but in one where morality doesnt exist, one they are the center of where the gods personally descend to be by their side. They lived in their ancient tales and greek poems. Bunny was the only one who was grounded and they cant understand that. It doesnt even begin to cross their minds. And its the same with bunnys death, they dont care about the morality of it because in their mind they are closer to gods than to humans and gods do whatever they please. They can kill a farmer and who cares? Its not like he was voltaire. They can kill their friend and who cares? Heroes kill and heroes die all the time.

this distance between them and the real world is the most important part of their characters because it explains everything else, from the incest to henrys suicide. Bunny was the only one who was rooted to reality which is what always set him apart from the rest and most importantly why things started to spiral out of control as soon as they killed him. He was their anchor to the real world and to sanity.

From my Pinterest to your tumblr feed…Henry Winter

(Last) Sunday supper 🐇

Young Donna Tartt. You’re welcome.

One thing i can yap and yap on about for ages is the fact that the greek class cant for the life of them grasp the fact that bunny is upset by the murder of the farmer

When henry is telling the story of the bacchanal to richard, he says bunny couldnt understand how serious the situation was because he was freaking out which is funny, because he was the only one who understood

Henry also said that bunny wasnt upset about the murder but rather about the fact that theyd gone without him, and that he couldn't possibly care that theyd killed a man because he wasnt "exactly the most moral man" as if u needed to be fucking gandhi to realize that killing someone is wrong

When bunny started acting out they were all convinced he was doing it out of spite or to get under their skin, completely ignoring the signs that showed he was having a complete nervous breakdown and was slowly losing his mind because of what they had done

This is because they themselves did not see the act as something that was morally wrong, but rather an inconvenience for them. Like francis said, it wasnt voltaire they killed. They were so out of touch with reality that they lived not in this world but in one where morality doesnt exist, one they are the center of where the gods personally descend to be by their side. They lived in their ancient tales and greek poems. Bunny was the only one who was grounded and they cant understand that. It doesnt even begin to cross their minds. And its the same with bunnys death, they dont care about the morality of it because in their mind they are closer to gods than to humans and gods do whatever they please. They can kill a farmer and who cares? Its not like he was voltaire. They can kill their friend and who cares? Heroes kill and heroes die all the time.

this distance between them and the real world is the most important part of their characters because it explains everything else, from the incest to henrys suicide. Bunny was the only one who was rooted to reality which is what always set him apart from the rest and most importantly why things started to spiral out of control as soon as they killed him. He was their anchor to the real world and to sanity.

man. the secret history has become so synonymous with dark academia that when u look through the tag its just knit sweaters and latte art. like please show me a text post about how fucking unhinged richard was for staying in a room with a Literal hole in the wall during the dead of winter and almost dying of hypothermia.