𝗗𝗲𝗳𝗲𝗻𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗝𝗮𝗰𝗼𝗯 Is One Of The Books That I Wanted To Read For

one of the reasons i think we have the bolter on TTPD is because she hates matty for being the who ran away. she’s always been the bolter, but he turned it around and didn’t give her the chance to do that because he left her before she even realized the fucked up game he was playing with her.

2nd June,22

This is my June Productivity Challenge Day 1, so i can keep track of my work life as well as study. Today marks my first time working in a late night shift, I'm excited to work and I hope i won't fell asleep in the middle of it. Fingers are crossed.

the ending of the european leg of the eras tour feels like something so grand.

i mean, we’ve had everything this leg. the fun with swift alert, brand new mashups each and every night, the new tortured poets addition - just to name a few. something about the ending this time feels important, like the start of the end is beginning to loom. which, in a way, it is. we’re advancing forth to the last leg of the entire tour: no more added dates, no more “where are the x dates”. sure, not exactly the end of the world, but this moment in all of our lives is soon coming to a close. millions of people having attended the eras tour themselves, watched the film, and even going as far as watching livestreams every single night. what an influence, right?

and it all ends in december. all the joy and positivity that has been spread across the world, all uniting to enjoy the artwork of such an incredible person. it’s just an incredibly unique sensation that something that has been ongoing for an amazing 18 months is finally coming to a close. it’s certainly beautiful in a melancholic way. however! i, in no way, imagine that the experience we’ve all had along this tour will end so soon, this will be something carried through the generations (not to sound dramatic) - in some ways, it already has! this will be the time people will say they wish they lived through; wished they were lucky enough to be alive during the feat that has been the eras tour.

“the night you danced like you knew our lives would never be the same” - taylor swift, 2010.

Rant of a PCOS Girlie

I am so angry at the society that failed me as a human being. I hate being a woman. Why our reproductive system and complications are so understudied. Why do we and our health come out at the end of the barrel when the whole population depends on us. For my whole life, I have suffered so much because of my periods. In my teenage days, I cried so many nights, days, and evenings because of abdominal cramps; it was so painful, I felt like I might pass out. And the irony is among all these I had to study, attend my classes and expect to get good grades, cause come on, it's just periods, no big deal!. I literally had to sit in my washroom because it was so painful, uncomfortable.

I am so angry at my parents, too. When I used to cry, bleed out, my mother used to say it's normal, everybody has pain. No! it's not normal to feel like you might pass out, lightheaded, or bleed for days after days. Never did they think that it might be something else. Because of it's periods, it's regarding a woman's reproductive health, a specific organ, and because nobody in society bothers to do proper research about it. Oh, you have menstruation issues- here either go on hormonal tablets or take a contraceptive pill.

Now, being in my late twenties and diagnosed with severe PCOS and having to flip out my lifestyle, diets, and food preferences just to undo years and years of negligence, makes me feel that it's so unfair to me. I was a child, they should have researched and taken care of me.

I know it is their first time being parents too, and I tell myself every day. But it's so unfair and unjust to me, I didn't sign for this. I have my uterus, I have it so much. I hate that society to not live up to us. If men had uterus, there would never be so much unfairness regarding their treatment.

I am so tired.

Diary Blog: Letter to myself

"After years of overthinking and analysing I came to a conclusion about relationship. Exactly, why my relationships never lasts. You know, sometimes people doesn't put the same value to the things as you do. I'm not talking about romantical relationship, because you're going into that kind of attachment with some kind of expectations, you want love, just attachment maybe. I'm talking about friendships! I always kept my expectations low, as long I'm not expecting that person to do anything, I'm not overthinking. I remember telling someone to just text me whenever you can after your flight lands, they didn't even though they said they would! I waited the whole day and again realise why I don't have any expectations from people anymore. Expectations are the root of every problems. I don't think it's requires a lot of space or time to text someone, if any person couldn't find five seconds of their precious time to spend on the person they said their close friend, I can't stop myself thinking if I have any value in that person's life anymore. But at the same time I also think, no body is entitled to spend their time on anyone, there might be lot's of things that I don't know that they might be facing, struggling through. But I still can't stop myself from hoping. I can't stop myself from begging to have footnotes in their stories! I don't know I'm just incredibly heartbroken." I'm in dilemma!

A diary full of letters which I'll never publish 🍂🍂

love is one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends dimensions of time and space. Maybe we should trust that - Dr. Brand

A dime of thought to this

One thing for those who have watched The Boy and The Heron or will watch it. The Japanese title for it is How Do You Live? And Miyazaki stated he was leaving it for his grandson, saying, "Grandpa is moving onto the next world soon but he is leaving behind this film".

The deaths of contemporaries and friends such as Satoshi Kon and Isao Takahata and also the expected successor of Yoshifumi Kondo were things that have always weighed heavily on the back of Miyazaki's mind.

He recognizes the industry and the occupation for how soul crushing it was, grinding up either the spirit or the physical body of those who work in it. He loves and hates the industry he stands on the peak of and fully recognizes how it will probably be the death of him. And he knows it'll leave him unable to say a lot of things to his Grandson.

So How Do You Live? is a lesson. For his grandson. For himself. For his two sons. And probably for anyone else willing to pay attention.

Hayao Miyazaki is a flawed man that makes things so important to so many people. And I think more than any other film of his, in this you get to pull back the curtain a bit and see him at work. And what should be this giant unblemished titan can be seen for what he is, a sad old man who had higher hopes for himself and has even higher hopes for the people he makes his work for.

It's a beautiful thing to see another's humanity in their work. To look past the artifice and glam of commercialized art and find humans behind it. And humans willing to show their humanity and mortality is even rarer. And something to be celebrated. So when you watch it. Or if you've watched it already. Understand that this film is Miyazaki kneeling down, weary after years of weaving dreams and making mistakes, reaching out and saying to you that he hopes you can do better. It's an old man who's made all the mistakes of the world passing it on to you, hoping you do better, and making sure you know it's okay if you don't.

How do you Live? By making mistakes. By messing up. But still moving forward. And still reaching out.

I'm currently into making song lyrics edits !

Rhaenyra tracing aemonds line of sight back to lucerys and gets distracted as jace jumps in. Aemond does not give a fuck about anyone else he just wants his hands on lucerys 🤣 nyra has seen this film before

Absolutely love the fact we establish here he does not care he's been hit by jace or even made the toast for rest of the brothers, but did it only to provoke and get near lucerys and the fact nyra notices 🤣 she knows obsession when she sees it

And yes that twitter account is mine