Vader: [opening A Desk Drawer In Obi-Wan’s Old Room] Let’s See What This Old Fool kept In Here…[picking

Vader: [opening a desk drawer in Obi-Wan’s old room] Let’s see what this old fool kept in here…[picking up a piece of paper] Obi-Wan: [in a letter]

Dear Anakin,

If you’re reading this, then you must be rifling through my belongings, which means you are either extremely bored (in which case I suggest going and tidying up your quarters, which I don’t need to see to know are a disaster,) or I’ve been missing for an extended amount of time and the Order needs the room to store extra chairs, or I’ve died, possibly while trying to rid the galaxy of General Grievous. If I am in fact dead, I hope this letter finds you well in spite of it, and that you have not gone off the deep end or murdered anyone in an attempt to avenge me. (…unless it’s Grievous, I suppose.)

You will find attached to this letter the receipts for several items in my room, such as the electric tea kettle. I hope you can at least return them for store credit.

I’ve set up a college savings plan with the Galactic Bank of Coruscant, because I noticed that Senator Amidala is obviously pregnant, and since I am not nearly as dense as you apparently think I am, I presume the child is yours. The account information is in my safe, which I would give you the combination to except that I know you have been breaking into it since you were 14.

If you do intend to eventually leave the Order, as I suspect you might, please make sure that you give the Council two weeks’ notice. It’s only polite, and you never know when you may need to use them as a reference. Even though I know you clash with them, they do care about you.

Finally, please make sure Duchess Satine’s nephew gets the inheritance I’ve left him (the information is also in my safe, and no, I’m not going to tell you any more details about this. I realize how much this is going to torment you, and I’d be lying if I said that’s not bringing a smile to my face.)

Your blanket is in the hamper. Wash it on the gentle cycle. The password for the wi-fi, in case you’ve forgotten, is BuyYourOwnDataPlanAnakin.

Be well, my Padawan, and I shall see you again someday – hopefully many years from now – when you, too, rejoin the Force. Don’t forget to change the payment settings for Netflix now that I’m dead or you’ll fall behind on your programs.

Yours, Obi-Wan Kenobi PS: Don’t let Vos speak at my funeral.

More Posts from Pancakekraken and Others

pancakekraken

2 years ago

That's the thing, I don't like people and people leave me alone most when I'm shooting.

Any advice for someone looking to improve their marksmanship score? I want to get onto the team this year but my scores have been garbage lately.

Play a real sport, ideally one that involves exercise and teamwork. Guns are not toys.

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pancakekraken

2 years ago

I haven't seen dancing pumpkin guy ONCE this year, are you guys okay?

377K notes View Post

pancakekraken

2 years ago

Is this a Sherlock reference? I never thought you would be the type, Tech.

Hardcase: if any of us were to turn evil, who would be the scariest?

Fives: hmmm, probably-

Echo: Kix.

Jesse: Kix?

Echo: He could kill every single one of us and make it look like an accident.

Kix: *sitting in the corner* Echo is the only one I'd spare-

1K notes View Post

pancakekraken

2 years ago

I assumed you got lung damage from cigarettes or something. Not a toothpick. Then again I'm not the brightest person in the galaxy

Do you buy toothpicks in bulk? And have you ever choked on one before?

Why do you think my voice sounds like this

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pancakekraken

2 years ago

Now that we get Tales of the Jedi can we pleased get a Tales of the Clones? You know, just little episodes from the clones POV? I don't even care what ist's about! It can be Kamino or during the clone wars, i just need more content with my boys!

3K notes View Post

pancakekraken

2 years ago

I'll take that as you weren't able to outrun him

Not an actual tooka but rate my tooka?

Dark markings over half his face. Always looking up at me. Maintains a good attitude despite the circumstances. Absolutely don't need another one of these, 4/10

131 notes View Post

pancakekraken

2 years ago

You assume I have more than one brain cell that I have to share with my friends? Also intriguing

Hardcase: if any of us were to turn evil, who would be the scariest?

Fives: hmmm, probably-

Echo: Kix.

Jesse: Kix?

Echo: He could kill every single one of us and make it look like an accident.

Kix: *sitting in the corner* Echo is the only one I'd spare-

1K notes View Post

pancakekraken

2 years ago

That's a good suggestion but instead I'm going to use the Gonk to destroy things and wreak havoc. I might also throw a lamp at you so you lighten up, but I haven't made up my mind on that yet

What if, theoretically, someone had a Gonk droid that they droidnapped but would now wish to give the Gonk away (this is definitely not my case)? What would someone (not me) do in that case?

I would advise you to look up the definition of "theoretically" and consider choosing a different adverb.

44 notes View Post

pancakekraken

2 years ago

Nah, I just know the sound of someone getting the crap kicked outta them when I hear it. Just wanted to embarrass you :)

Not an actual tooka but rate my tooka?

Dark markings over half his face. Always looking up at me. Maintains a good attitude despite the circumstances. Absolutely don't need another one of these, 4/10

131 notes View Post

pancakekraken

2 years ago