Humans Are Peaceful, Not Harmless

👏🏾Education 👏🏾is 👏🏾a 👏🏾right,👏🏾 not👏🏾 a👏🏾 service 👏🏾

Pass along and use the shit out of them

Another attack this time on @mothsmeadow ! He looks like he’d tear up a dance club lol. Hope you like it!

The thing is, with our skeletons the way they are, humans can bend. We make a point of becoming more flexible, bending this way and that and sometimes it for sure can look like we’ve got no structure. A lot of alien races are fascinated with how we move and bend because sometimes its so fluid. 

Especially in fights. 

They see us thrown against walls, flying through the air, our limbs bending in, what to us is unnatural ways, but the aliens don’t know we aren’t supposed to do that. To them, we seem like ragdolls, our bodies flopping and waving all over the place. They’re not gentle with us, throwing us over their shoulders in the rush to retreat and get back to the base, and even when not in a fight, they tend to throw us around with wild abandon (its usually no big deal, most humans think its hilarious and fun and no one really minds.)

And then they find out about our bones. 

Its a quiet, tense moment. A team had been dispatched to ‘ease the switch in political leaders’ on one of the more difficult inner planets and the current monarch was not having it. In a final attempt to keep control, the monarch had thought using one of the humans on the team as a  hostage was a good idea. They’re holding the human in a way that would look painful, arm twisting too far and the monarch is shouting, demanding that they be left in control. The others on the team are just grinning because if the monarch is threatening to break the human, they’re in for a big surprise. Humans don’t have a structure. They flop around as they please, held steady as simply a mass of meat!

The monarch, it seems, doesn’t like to be laughed at. The pull, and twist and-

SSS-NAP

And the human is screaming, their face contorted in pain. The monarch jerks the arm around. An audible -pop- fills the room, and the team hear it just over the screams of their friend. Then comes the other arm -SNAP- and the leg -CRACK-

The human is bent, but…its in a way that the others have seen often and isn’t that…isn’t that fine? Aren’t they supposed to do that? What was that horrible snap? As it turns out, one can’t hear very well the snapping of bones in the pandemonium of battle. 

Everyone’s a bit quiet, struck by the shouts of pain and sobs coming from their human before finally, mercifully, they pass out. Then all hell breaks loose. The rest of the team dispatch the monarch with unusual ease and entirely too quickly. Then, as gently and slowly as they can, they pick up the human. The angles of their limbs look sickening to them now, and they bring them back to the base where, for once, they actually stay in the medical bay to watch them be patched up and their bones reset. 

From then on, they are much more careful with their human companion and feel the proper amount of horror and concern upon seeing them thrown about in a fight. Still, it takes some time to convince them that yoga is an alright thing to do and that no, Susan is a contortionist, her body CAN do that. 

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@hopeswhcre

Lmao an AU of my AU.

The Force watching Obi-wan be made by some crazy person. Technically Obi-wan is an artificial child of the Force. They don't have the same connection to the Force as a true child would but its enough that the Force loves them like an adopted child. Even if their new kid cant talk to them directly, only able to sense the Feelings the Force sends them.

The Force does not like it that the crazy person decides that their new adopted child should be decommissioned as a failure.

Force decides to nudge the Jedi into going to get Obi-wan.

They watch their adopted child grow and when Obi is like 15 (still struggling with being so different from everyone else) the Force decides Obi seems lonely and they had been wanting to have another child anyway.

Anakin is born. When Anakin is 9 the Force nudges the Naboo shuttle to Tatooine. The Force drops Anakin into Qui-gon Jinns path.

Force kinda gets grumpy when the jedi try to separate their kids. When Qui-gon dies and joins the Force, he gets to hang out and watch over their kids.

The council is still on the fence about letting Anakin stay. They already had to deal with Obi-wans insane childhood of him trying to hunt people to eat them if they were too dark in the force. Did they really want to deal with potential Chosen One bullshit?

When Obi-wan tells Yoda that he's gonna train Anakin the Force shoves the message of 'listen here u little shit, you keep my babies together or so help me-' to the little green master.

Anakin who CAN talk to the Force like they're a physical person in the same room looks at Obi-wan and goes "Oh! My parent says your my big brother. They also say Master Qui-gon and them are real proud of you."

Obi-wan tries very hard not to tear up.

The council is like "your parent?"

"Yeah. They say you call them the Force... Also they say that you better be nice or they are gonna let everyone know what happened on Alderaan last year." Anakin says, making eye contact with several council members.

Mando weeb Obi-wan decides to nickname the Force Buir. Anakin likes it and adopts it.

It leads to things like

"Buir says you need to eat more." *said to Obi-wan constantly*

"Buir said to take you to the healer halls." "Buir is a snitch." *anakin to Obi-wan who's hiding an injury*

"Buir says sorry for the shatterpoints. They didn't know it would do that." "That what would do that?" "They say im not old enough to know yet. Maybe in a couple thousand years theyll tell me." "... Where is Obi-wan?" *conversation with Mace Windu*(the force did some mystical eldritch magic mushrooms once and when they sobered up shatterpoints were a thing)

"Buir wants to talk to you." "Do this, how would I?" "Uh, they said meditate really hard. They'll try yelling and see if you can hear them." "Hmm bad idea i sense this is, try it I will." *conversation with Yoda hours before yoda falls into a Force induced coma for a few days while he, the Force and Qui-gon hang out*

The jedi also have to handle a child that can sometimes alter the very fabric of the universe to get extra dessert. They mainly let Obi-wan handle it since apparently Obi is the only one able to put Anakin in timeout without the Force getting grumpy about it.

I love the idea of Palpatine being outed way early by Anakin (age 10) who now has 0 filter for what the Force is telling them since they aren't going to get in trouble by a slave master for repeating it.

"Buir says you're a sleemo. It's not nice to pressure someone into giving you contact with a child." Anakin says in the middle of a gathering of senators. The Force had been ranting about Sheev being mean to Obi-wan for hours now.

"Anakin!" Obi-wan pretends to scold even tho he really didn't want to be here or let the Chancellor near his brother. Buir had been sending the very bad vibes.

"Well I hardly think an innocent invite to a small thank you party is pressuring." Sheev says trying to stop the side-eyes the senators are now giving him.

Anakin (who is now saying word for word what the Force is saying): "Calling someone every day for weeks and implying you'd cut funding to the temple if he didn't let you have access to me isn't an innocent invitation. Especially since you also implied you wanted more private meetings after."

Obi-wan sees the look of absolute rage on Sheevs face and decides it's time to go. He grabs his padwan and runs. Ignoring the instincts demanding he go back and EAT the Chancellor of the Republic.

The next day headlines all over the holonet are like 'Chancellor Palpatine on the run from authorities after being accused of trying to groom child'

Anakin to the council: "Buir says hes a Sith, so your welcome."

Obi-wan also in the council chamber: "Oh! So THATS why i had the strong urge to eat him."

The council sits in horrified silence for a while. Until Yoda sighs and says he'll be taking another vacation to talk to the force.

Sidious still tries for the Clone Wars. Only the Force is like not about that. They like how things are chill right now. Their kids are having fun doing Jedi things.

They have Obi-wan and Anakin find Kamino 3 years early. Both Anakin and Obi-wan kick Jango and the other trainers off planet. These clones are their family now. Looks like the jedi are getting a lot of new members. Just gotta get these chips out first.

The war still breaks out. Palpatine is head of the Separatists. Angry that his clone army was stolen he commissioned droids to replace them. His plan now is to crush the republic and jedi with brute force instead of a carefully executed betrayal, not hiding that he's a sith at this point.

Ahsoka is not the Forces child. At first. The council gives this feral child to Anakin to take care of and train praying that they will both mellow out. Shes perfect. Shes the same brand of disaster that the rest of them are. The force is constantly nagging at Anakin to give her sweets and wrap her in soft blankets and teach her how to stab better. Anakin learns very quickly that a feral Togruta with a laser sword hopped up on sugar isn't a great idea. That maybe listening to the eldritch being with no physical body for the sugar high togruta to latch onto with their teeth isn't the best plan for raising a child. How did Obi-wan manage this?

Obi-wan, having flashbacks to his padwan changing shape into a horrible nightmare fueled beast in the dead of night before crawling into Obi-wans bed or lighting a man on fire with his mind for flirting with Obi-wan too long or the time he simply tore a hole in reality to get another slice of cake, laughs and laughs and laughs. Cody pats him on the back. Clearly his adopted jetii'vod is having a breakdown.

Stewjoni are ancient bioweapons. Designed to hunt darksiders Au

The first time the troops see Obi-wan drop his human facade is when he tears Pong Krells throat out with his teeth.

Obi-wan had been having an uneasy feeling about the other Jedi and had diverted to check in when he saw what the man was doing. Then felt the darkside dripping off the man.

He completely lost his composure. He didn't even try to use his saber. Just launched himself at Krell and tore into him.

In the end Obi-wan was standing there in a daze as he calmed down. Blood all over him.

The troopers that witnessed the scene are in shock. Too stunned to move.

Finally Waxer and Fives pull themselves together enough to approach.

"General Kenobi? Wha-" Waxer starts. Biting his tongue when the jedi snaps his head around to look at him.

His eyes are glowing. Not yellow. Waxer feels a blinding wave of relief at that. Not sith yellow. But blue, with a hint of green. Some of his freckles are glowing too. A strange bioluminesance that theyve never seen displayed before.

"Sir, you okay?" Fives gathers the courage to ask.

Obi-wan blinks. The dazed, almost feral, look in his eye fades. He swollows, then grimaces. Likely from the blood in his mouth. He clears his throat and opens his mouth to answer.

His teeth have changed. Now slightly longer and sharp.

"'M fine." The redhead rasps. Voice holding a hint of something guttural. "The men?"

Waxer glances back to the troops. They still havent moved, but they also seem to have relaxed a bit.

"Fine. Everyones fine. General, what happened just now?" Waxer asks.

The jedi makes an odd trilling noise. "Ah... I may have... Lost my control. I apologize for scaring you all."

Five snorts. "Scaring us? General that was the hottest kriffing thing ive ever seen!"

Waxer doesnt hesitate to punch the ARC trooper.

I would watch a show about the Coruscant Guard. Just think about it:

The series would run tandem with tcw

Seeing the way the senators and civilians treat the clones (aka padme and bail are the only good senators)(aka why do the Coruscant Guard troopers flinch all the time)

Getting to see what was ACTUALLY happening with commander Fox (we know palpatine is involved)

Commander Thorn

Commander Thorn annoying fox with every ounce of energy he has

Commander Thire being soft

Commander Stone consistently having to deal with Jar Jar

Commander Stone is done

We know the Coruscant Guard has riot troopers, what about riots. Do they get violent or out of hand? Are they about the clones? How do the troopers react afterwards?

Did I mention commander Thorn?

Fox getting thrown out windows on a regular

Commander Fox chase scene

Getting to see a different perspective on what is happening through tcw series (fallout from umbara? Rako Hardeen?)

79s

The 501st and 212th causing trouble on leave

The 501st and 212th getting arrested by very amused CG troopers

The 501st and 212th in Fox’s drunk tank

Fox chewing out the 501st and 212th

Fox, Rex, Cody, Wolffe, etc bro moments

The command batch worrying for Fox

The command batch nicknames (we know they exist, David filoni)

Palpatine giving off creeper vibes that set the CG commanders on edge

The CG commanders not letting shinies go near palpatine alone

Closure on what really was going on with fox during and after Fives (*glares at palpatine*)

Seeing the Guard have to deal with the Jedi on Coruscant

Seeing the guard have to deal with Quinlan Vos

Good brother dynamics in a not good situation

Fox not having slept since the war started

Fox surviving solely through caf

Fox is very tired thank you very much

Can’t forget commander Thorn, who has definitely heavily salted Fox’s caf once only to be horrified as Fox gulps it down without so much as a grimace

There also must be certain regulations for members of the Guard (armor paint? Not removing helmets while on duty or in the senate building?)

Fox only taking off his helmet for Thorn because he feels safer that way, or maybe to hide a mutation (maybe Thire takes it off for him after Thorn’s death, because Thorn isn’t around to check on Fox anymore; we all know his death wouldn’t have sat with fox well)

Or even worse, what if it’s palpatine that makes him keep his helmet on? That way his brothers wouldn’t see the change in Fox’s eyes whenever palpatine takes control?

qUiNlAn VoS

Seeing the red hair we know Fox has

The Coruscant Guard commanders being good brothers to each other and their shinies

Humans are space musicians

I'm back!

So ya'll know about music, right? When we make the air wiggle to our will till it pleases us? Music is very important to just about all human culture, we use it to teach, we use it for religious reasons, hell, I even still sing "this old man" when brushing my teeth so I know i'm doing it for long enough.

Most importantly though, we use it for entertainment and art. (often at the same time) Music is something we usually have going in the background while working to help focus, there's music we associate with specific things and we have specific music for specific events, like playing "all I want for christmas is you" to let everyone know it's November.

Music isn't just something that we like though, there are a lot of instances of us playing music to animals and them just ~vibing~ to it. So music is totally something that almost all living beings enjoy.

Now, the history of music is very important, because it's always been almost exclusively controlled by the church until a few hundred years ago, so other developed species might only use it for celebrations, rituals and religion.

Not only that, they might not even have created music yet and if they have it might be super basic, one-beat, no variation music, there's a chance they haven't even developed music theory or understand the concept at all

This leaves us with 3 (probably more, but i'm too laxy to consider those) scenarios

1.) Music is only used for religion and celebration, it's a sacred art and is not to be usee in any other context.

Then along come the hairless space monkeys and introduce them to the idea of music as an art or for recreation, to which the entire galactic counsel is shocked and curious to see what the humans are doing.

2.) Music has never been concieved and humans are the ones to introsuce it to the galactic counsel as an art form, they are intrigued by this new use for noise

3.)music exists, but it's very basic music which is really just played in waiting rooms or whatever so you sren't bores to death, then humans come out with music and it's like, "wait, so you're telling me music sounds better when there's variation???" And everyone is just mindblown to find out about it

(Also please, I need someone to write shit eith my ideas, i'm begging you

i come with gifts of a first kiss kalluzeb comic

bonus

I am having thoughts about Corrie Massiffs.

About them being trained as emotional support animals as well as their actual jobs.

About them being long lived (maybe 30-50 year life span) and choosing their corries as their people to protect.

Sensing when their corries need support and helping them though panic attacks and anxiety issues, helping them sleep and guarding them through the night. Helping with their fears and drawing them out of dark spiralling thoughts and having the best hugs.

Thinking about the Corries also being the massiffs emotional support people who do just as much for them, who love them oh so dearly. Who play games with them and always try to get them treats and protect them with everything they have.

Thinking about the way the Massiffs would calm their corries down, little nudges and heads on laps or sitting on them entirely.

Thinking about how neither the corrie nor the massiff like to be apart.

Thinking about about them whining over the bodies of their corries and refusing to move, nudging them desperate for them to wake up. Having to be pulled away and never being the same after.

Thinking about them sitting by the door to the icebox room and refusing to move until their corrie comes back, then following right next to them as they're helped to a space to lie down and curling up with them so their person can take their body heat and feel warm and safe and letting their corries hug tight.

Thinking about the massiffs sitting outside the med bay and just whining and scratching on the door. About Grizzer refusing to move and sounding distressed after Hound was carried in and about Hound finally waking with Grizzer on his lap.

About everything getting all too much all of a sudden for Pup and Bumble pulling him away to get him somewhere quieter and then putting her head in his lap and licking his face and being a warm solid presence for Pup to focus on and calm down and feel safe.

About massiffs knowing their corries are overworking themselves and trying to make them sleep. Of Grizzer knowing it upsets Hound and that Fox is almost his person too so he steals Fox's datapad and leads him to his bed then sits on him. Fox scratches him behinds the ear with a very soft chuckle and admits he could probably do with a few hours.

Grizzer trying to get the smell of Palpatine off of Fox. All the massiffs trying to get the smells of Senators off their corries and take the horrible smell of distress away.

Thinking about no-Order 66 where the massiffs stay with their corries and help them with their recovery post-war and this spreading through the GAR. They get even more training on how to be support animals and they love getting to help and love their people who love them so dearly back.

Thinking about Order-66, and the massiffs not understanding whats happened to their corries. Why they're not them anymore.

About any blackout mission and their corries aren't behaving like their people and they don't smell of anything, not fear not joy not sadness not anything they can usually sense, they can't read any emotion off their corries and they don't know what to do. Trying to get them to react, trying to bring them out of it or simply waiting for them to come back and being worried until they do.

You know, just thinking thoughts...