Always Judging

Thisssssss

Debunking Sysmed Claims

Debunking Sysmed Claims

Picking apart sysmed takes and why they're wrong

Tried reading this shit. Absolutely made me nauseous. Sick to my stomach. This is all taken out of context. And also, in alterhuman communities, which I was part of, people claiming to have DID or DDNOS because of it were very frequently shunned. I would continue but I'm sure the reblogs will.

I need breakfast.

Warning for anyone triggered by endo rhetoric: this is nothing but that

im tired of ppl misusing these terms so:

codependent does not mean two people who have a strong attachment and are very clingy towards one another

codependent means a specific type of unhealthy relationship where one person engages in unhealthy/self-destructive behaviours and the other person becomes their caretaker whilst enabling them, out of a need to feel needed

trauma bonding does not mean two people find common ground because they've both been through similar traumatic events and grow close because they understand each other's experiences

trauma bonding means bonding to your abuser as a survival strategy or due to manipulation. (similar to the concept of stockholm syndrome)

MD Glossary

Note: Some of the following were coined by the MD community and definitions may not be found via traditional sources. Some terms are defined by their relevance to MD(eg. kinesthetic activity), wider definitions may be found elsewhere.

Acronyms

AU Alternate Universe

CBT Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

CF Compulsive Fantasy

ConLang Constructed Language

DD Daydream

ICMDR International Consortium for Maladaptive Daydreaming Research

ID Immersive Daydreaming

IDer Immersive Daydreamer

MaDD Maladaptive Daydreaming Disorder (this is a Tumblr tag which people sometimes use in place of ‘MD’)

MD Maladaptive Daydreaming

MDer Maladaptive Daydreamer

MDS Maladaptive Daydreaming Scale

OC Original Character

SelfDx Self Diagnosed

Note: MDD (Major Depressive Disorder) is sometimes mistakenly used as an acronym for Maladaptive Daydreaming.  

Adaptive [Behavior] (source) Actions, skills, and behaviors that humans develop and use in order to perform basic skills, be able to cope with novel situations.

Alternate Universe (source) A descriptor borrowed from fanfic communities used to characterize works which change one or more elements of the source work’s canon. An AU may transplant a given source work’s characters to a radically different setting, shift the genre in which their adventures occur, and/or alter one or more of their professions, goals, or backstories.

Behavioral Addiction (source) A non-substance addiction, related to Impulse Control Disorder, a repeated failure to resist an impulse, drive or urge to perform an act that is rewarding to the person, in the short-term, despite long-term harm to the individual or others. 

Benign Masochism (source) An enjoyment of negative sensations and feelings thought to be possible in the context of feeling safe and reflecting pleasure at mind over body.  MDers report actively seeking the experience of aversive emotions. See also hedonic reversal

Constructed Language (source) An artificial language, for example one invented for a film, TV series, or book.  

[Daydream] Binge (source) An occasion when an activity is done in an extreme way.

[Daydream] Block (citation needed) Term adapted from ‘writers block’.  A temporary state during which the MDer experiences an inability to create or proceed with their fantasy plot, sometimes resulting in a distressing failure to immerse themselves in daydreaming as they are accustomed to. 

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (source) A common type of talk therapy (psychotherapy aimed at helping you become aware of inaccurate or negative thinking so you can view challenging situations more clearly and respond to them in a more effective way. MD researchers currently recommend CBT to address problematic daydreaming behavior.

Compulsive Fantasy (source) Coined by researchers in one paper which asserted that Compulsive Fantasy was  a more accurate description of subjects experience than Maladaptive Daydreaming.  See also Maladaptive Daydreaming, Daydreaming Disorder (MD)

Coping Skill/Strategy/Mechanism (source) To invest one’s own conscious effort to solve personal and interpersonal problems, in order to try to master, minimize or tolerate stress and conflict. Can be adaptive or maladaptive.

[Daydream] Crash (source) When a person comes down from their daydream world or escapism and reality hits them.  Alternatively, when daydreams no longer have the same effect they used to, and the MDer has to prolong that good feeling by revisiting their escapism or face negative experiences associated with facing reality.

Daydream (source) Typically begins spontaneously and is experienced as an ongoing series of brief associated thoughts or images triggered by internal or external stimuli or cues and deals most often with current life concerns.

Daydreaming Disorder (MD) (source) Official name of Maladaptive Daydreaming; Extensive fantasy activity that replaces human interaction and/or interferes with academic, interpersonal, or vocational functioning. See also Compulsive Fantasy, Maladaptive Daydreaming

Default Mode Network (source) A group of brain regions that show lower levels of activity when we are engaged in a particular task like paying attention, but higher levels of activity when we are awake and not involved in any specific mental exercise. It is during these times that we might be daydreaming.

Diminished Motivation (citation needed) Characterized by impairment in goal-directed behavior, thought, and emotion.

Dissociative Absorption (citation needed) A tendency to become absorbed in imagination or in an external stimulus to the point of obliviousness to one’s surroundings and reduced self-awareness. 

Distress (source) Occurs when we have excessive adaptive demands placed upon us; the demands upon us are so great that they lead to bodily and mental damage. Distress is damaging, excessive or pathogenic (disease producing) stress.  Required for a ‘diagnosis’ of MD. 

Faceclaim (source) A term used in role play games to describe a person used for the physical description of a character. Some MDers note that they used the faces of TV characters, actors or public figures to create their fantasies.

Fantasy (source) May be an elected pastime; elaborate and continuous, composed of pure imagination and directed at self-amusement, pleasure, distraction and escape.

Fantasy Prone Personality FPP (source) A unique constellation of personality traits and experiences that coalesced around a deep, profound and long-standing involvement in fantasy and imagination.

Hedonic Reversal (source) An enjoyment of negative sensations and feelings thought to be possible in the context of feeling safe and reflecting pleasure at mind over body.  MDers report actively seeking the experience of aversive emotions. See also benign masochism

Idealized-Self (source) An Idealized version of yourself created out of what you have learned from your life experiences, the demands of society, and what you admire in your role models.

International Consortium for Maladaptive Daydreaming Research (source) Website designed to promote scientific knowledge on MD by fostering studies on the developmental trajectories, phenomenology, psychopathology, brain function and treatment of MD. Also to understand the trait of immersive daydreaming, the non-pathological form of absorptive daydreaming, and its psychological and brain features.

Immersive Daydreaming (source) Fantasizing in a state of dissociative absorption, which is not inherently disordered or maladaptive. MD represents a subset of Immersive Daydreaming.

Kinesthetic Activity (source) Movement which stimulates or prolongs an MDer’s fantasy state.

Maladaptive [Behavior] (source) Actions or tendencies that don’t allow an individual to adjust well to certain situations. Typically disruptive and dysfunctional behaviors can range from mild to severe in scope, used as a means of reducing mental discomfort and anxiety but are not effective and can sometimes make it worse. 

Maladaptive Daydreaming (source) Extensive fantasy activity that replaces human interaction and/or interferes with academic, interpersonal, or vocational functioning.

Maladaptive Daydreaming Scale MDS-16 (source) A 16-item self-report MD questionnaire that is rated on a 10-point Likert scale presented as percentages, designed to gauge abnormal fantasizing. 

Mind Wandering (source) A shift in attention that can occur without explicit or deliberate intention but which nonetheless incorporates goal-relevant internal information. 

Mindfulness (source)  A state of active, open attention on the present. MD researchers recommend mindfulness techniques to curb problematic daydreaming behavior. 

Original Character OC (source) Any character which is not infringing on a person or party’s copyright; a character who is not already in existence or an edit of an already existing character. 

Pace/Pacer (source) Walk at a steady and consistent speed, especially back and forth and as an expression of one’s anxiety or annoyance. Most common movement among MDers, other movements include jumping, swinging, hand movements etc. See also kinesthetic movement, stereotypic movement.

Para (source) Any character in a paracosm, typically one the MDer has an emotional attachment to.

Paracosm (source) A detailed imaginary world, often originating in childhood.  

Parame (source) The character one MDs as. May or may not also be the paraself.

Para(girlfriend/husband/brother/mother etc) (source)The girlfriend/husband/brother/mother etc of ones parame.

Paraself (source) The daydream version of the MDer’s self.

Reality Monitoring/Testing (source)  The psychotherapeutic function by which the objective or real world and one’s relationship to it are reflected on and evaluated by the observer. MDers retain intact reality monitoring and can easily distinguish fantasy from reality.

Self Diagnosed (source) the diagnosis of one’s own health problems, usually without direction or assistance from a physician. MD is not recognized as an official disorder, most MDers are self-diagnosed. 

Somer, Eli (source) The clinical psychologist who discovered MD and coined the term “maladaptive daydreaming”, director of the ICMDR. 

Stereotypic Movement (source) Repetitive, nonfunctional, motor behavior that markedly interferes with normal activities or results in bodily injury.

what does nccsa mean?

con contact child sexual abuse, its sexual abuse that didnt involve any touching, examples below

People can jump on my ass all they want for this but it’s actually super shitty to treat a RAMCOA survivor like shit because they share too much information. And I don’t mean being angry at them, I mean harassing them, bullying them, and refusing to respect them as a survivor even if you don’t like them as a person.

You need to keep in mind that despite the risks of what they’re doing, they still went through these things. They suffered and still suffer. And above all. They’re a human being. Be fucking considerate of that.

Are you enabling people in your life?

Do you find yourself... * Lying or covering for other people? * Making excuses for someone else's crappy behavior? * Blaming yourself for someone else's crappy behavior, shortcomings, mistakes, etc.? * Swooping in and redoing tasks you've asked someone else to do, that you feel aren't getting done the "right" way? * Helping people who didn't ask for your help, or who said no when you asked if you could help them? * Giving people advice they didn't ask for or seek out? * Feeling resentful when you take on all these responsibilities for other people, even though no one forced you to? * Feeling used or taken advantage of? * Projecting your feelings onto other people? (i.e. When your partner's leaving dirty socks on the floor is no longer about dirty socks, but them not caring about you) * Feeling like you're being taken for granted or that your hard work is not being appreciated? * Feeling drained and exhausted, because you're taking on your own responsibilities plus everyone else's, and you're not taking care of your own needs? * Nagging or micromanaging? * Doing things for people that they are capable of doing for themselves, and should be doing for themselves? * Trying to manage other people's feelings or moods? * Always going along to get along? * Feeling like you're spread too thin? * Not having time and energy to do the things you want and need to do, because you're too busy taking care of everyone else? * Letting your needs fall by the wayside? * Feeling like others are not "pulling their weight?" * Feeling like you're doing more work than other people in your life? * "Checking in" a little too frequently when you delegate a task to someone else? * Always in a state of stress, chaos, and worry? * Worrying about how or whether they'd survive without you? * In an intimate relationship, feeling less like their partner and more like their parent? * Spending money you don't have or can't afford to spend on "helping" the people in your life? * Always getting sucked into drama you don't need to be involved in? * Giving out ultimatums? * Attempting to set a boundary, but then caving? * Doing things out of a sense of guilt or obligation? * Treating people less as people, but as fix-it projects? * Thriving on being the rescuer, the fixer, the go-to person, etc.? * Deriving a sense of self-worth and identity from such? * Feeling like a doormat that people wipe their dirty feet on? * Feeling responsible for other people's choices, feelings, words, and behavior? * Expecting people to read your mind, then getting upset when it turns out they can't? * Feeling like you're giving and giving and giving, and they're taking and taking and taking, and not giving you anything in return? * Trying to change other people's behavior? * Getting into one toxic relationship after another? * Feeling like you're a magnet for toxic people? * Feeling like you're losing yourself, or aren't being true to yourself? * Wearing too many hats? * Resenting the people in your life? * Not having an answer to the question, "Who are you outside of your role as _______?" * Constantly worrying about what other people will think? * Saying "yes" when you really want to say "no?"

As a RAMCOA survivor I don't feel safe in the CDD community or the plural community. Both sides villainize us while also doing performative allyship and pretending to care about survivors. We're evil if we come forward and save our childhood friends and loved ones. We're evil if we share information to help survivors know why they're experiencing what they're experiencing. Our therapist is supposed to magically figure out what exact symptoms were experiencing without us ever voicing anything because we don't have the language to explain it. We're always told to shut up and be quiet and then non-survivors get to walk all over us and speak for us without ever considering that maybe it's not their place to EVER get involved in any form of discourse around what we can do or not. Quite literally this is a case of oppressors speaking for those they oppress. Broader society also wants us to be silent because we're seen as too depressing. Too much. It's seen as normal and okay to encourage survivors to let their programming fully take them other as long as it's not the ones that hurt others or dares to make people see scars on you. Then that's a problem but people like us should just disappear and stay silent like our programmers wanted. That's the message that is given so often when people talk about us. The other message is we would be better off dead than dare speak.

Gentle reminder that sharing what your disability is completely up to you no matter how “visibly” disabled you are. No one should make you disclose what your disability is to anyone you’re not comfortable with. You can choose to say as much or as little as you want.

Trans Ramcoa

I dont want to make this a habit however, when looking for terms to reclaim, I came across a post that made me recoil in disgust. @ cincinique made a post defending the not reclaimed term Trans Ramcoa and I would like to bring this to people attention so they can block the people interacting with this post and defending this term. I would like this to be perfectly clear, if you use the term Trans-Ramcoa or similar Trans-id terms, you are:

Defending Child pornography

Romanticizing Child Prostitution

Romanticizing the torture of Children

Defending Child rapists

YOU. ARE. BORDERLINE. PEDOPHILIC.

Not in a million years will these people understand what we went through as a child, all the abuse and torture we experienced at the hands of the people who were supposed to love us. To call this a kink, to say its just you being "kinky" is you getting off to the idea of child torture. You calling this a kink is you pushing people into dangerous situations were they will be abused and tortured. What you post matters. What you do matters. Do not make your legacy online supporting child rape and child torture.

One of my favourite bits of media history trivia is that back in the Elizabethan period, people used to publish unauthorised copies of plays by sending someone who was good with shorthand to discretely write down all of the play's dialogue while they watched it, then reconstructing the play by combining those notes with audience interviews to recover the stage directions; in some cases, these unauthorised copies are the only record of a given play that survives to the present day. It's one of my favourites for two reasons:

It demonstrates that piracy has always lay at the heart of media preservation; and

Imagine being the 1603 equivalent of the guy with the cell phone camera in the movie theatre, furtively scribbling down notes in a little book and hoping Shakespeare himself doesn't catch you.