Zahra Glanced Down At Her Feet, Deeply Embarrassed By The Reality Of Her Situation. "Kind Of, If You

"I guess you're partially right. I just wish I had actually read these instead of just hauling them home and now bringing them right back." Obviously no one knew - or cared - that she hadn't even cracked open most of the books, but the shame was palpable nonetheless. The shame seemed to be her constant companion, increasingly so ever since her brain had decided it no longer wanted to partake in any additional reading or writing. The feeling only grew as she thought about future deadlines and word counts, the threat of falling behind making her sick to her stomach. "I am sure it's just a writer's block," she muttered, mostly to herself, before snorting in amusement. "See, I like where your head's at. I could smuggle Circe everywhere and become the ultimate cat lady."

A realisation lit up Zahra's face as Julia admitted she was only heading in. She laughed, shaking her head softly. "Ah, there you go. It's good to know some things don't change. Are you looking for anything in particular?"

Julia didn’t comment on her helping because if the roles were reversed the last thing she’d want was another person drilling down on how they’d had to lend a hand. Too many people took pride in their independence for her to risk saying the wrong thing. Instead she just gave her a small smile with an incline of her head, picking up the handle nearest to her. 

“I don’t know if this can be considered a walk of shame, I mean what part of being well read is meant to be shameful?” If that was the case then maybe she should just bury her head in the sand right now because she’d much rather spend time with a stack of books than another human most of the time. “Or you could get one of those ones that old people take to the grocery store, the old lady shopper bags. Then no one would even know what was in it.” A shrug of her shoulders as they headed into the library, realising that Zahra didn’t realise that she was arriving rather than leaving. “Oh you know me better than that, I’m on my way in to pick up a couple I’ve had set aside for me. Don’t worry - I’ve not been replaced by an alien.” Julia joked softly. @ofzahras

"Probably easier said than done?" she suggested carefully. Zahra wasn't an expert on firefighting as a profession but she couldn't imagine flexible schedules were one of the perks. It had to be frustrating for both of them and seemed to cause quite a bit of conflict. She coudn't say she envied either of them. "It's an intense job," she added after a lengthy pause. She had always been comfortable with what some people deemed awkward silences, quite at home with the stillness of it all. Normally she didn't mind being left alone with her thoughts whereas lately she had found herself running from them, desperate for any sort of distraction, no matter how mind-numbingly dull. Dragging the books around had worked for a bit, the physical discomfort stopping her from mulling over everything else. "I don't know," she muttered, feeling deflated both physically and mentally. She had spent so much time working towards the life she now had and somehow it felt like such a waste, something not worth the time and effort she had put in. "Impostor syndrome, I guess. Happens to most people at some point."

“—it’s fine,” he said with a faint shrug, a gentle smile adorning his lips. “she is right; I need to lay off some shifts,” saying it out loud was not just admitting it to Zahra that he knew it was him who had fucked up, but to himself too, that the only way to fix this was to make more time for her. as of now, he spent more time at work, at the station, than at home with her when it should be the other way around. it might have been entirely unintentional this happened, but the result was still the same ( and he would find a way to fix this, besides apologizing to her and making more time to actually be present ). a frown formed on his features at her following words. since they first met he knew she loved her research projects, and seeing the lack of excitement in her tone, her admitting it, seemed to him a little odd, coming from someone as dedicated and hard-working as her. and maybe it was part of the issue; the expectations she set for herself as opposed to what she felt. “you shouldn’t be anything, and perhaps that’s part of the problem…” he offered in a matter of fact tone. “something troubling you?” he inquired, not out of curiosity, but genuine interest of what was going through her mind.

Zahra was grateful Violet had reached out, mostly because she was evidently excited to see her, but also because it forced her to turn her attention to something less daunting than the pages of subpar writing she had been managed to produce in the last few weeks. Sitting down, she reached for the menu before letting out a sigh. "I guess that's adulthood in a nutshell. Can't imagine how people with big friend groups ever find the time to meet up." The idea of trying to find a day that worked for ten or so people sounded nothing short of hellish. "Anyway, how are you doing? It really has been a while."

Closed Starter for : @ofzahras

Location: Bluebird's

Violet had just taken a sip of water when she spotted her tall friend walk out onto the patio of the restaurant. She raised her arm up in a wave to get their attention. "Zahra darling, it's so good to see you. I feel like I've been so busy lately and I've missed hanging out with you. This place does eggs so perfectly, light and fluffy like you wouldn't believe." She said, catching a waiter's eye that they were ready to order drinks.

Zahra nodded as they explained it was their first time at Joe's. It didn't seem like the bar had made a particularly good first impression, no matter how Zahra enjoyed its atmosphere. "I see. It's a fine place, really," she promised before finishing her first drink. "Oh, there's loads of good beer in the city. I guess places like these aren't particularly well-known for their excellent selection, though. You could try one of those specialty places."

Once Theo got both their whiskeys, they gave it a quick smell and swirled it around for a moment. "That's because it's my first time here. Cheers, mate." They said, clinking their glass with hers before taking a small sip of the warm liquid burning down their throat. It was good though, far better than the beer. "Can't go wrong with good ol' Jack-o here." Theo lifted the glass towards her and sipped again. "Haven't been in the city long, keep trying to find some decent beer."

Zahra had always been a night owl and even more so since she had moved back to the city. Back home she had enjoyed how quiet everything had been when the whole neighborhood slept, had always been thrilled by the thought of being the last one awake, while the opposite was true in New York City. There were always people out and about and Zahra felt a special kind of comradery with the other sleepless wanderers. It could still be loud, yes, but there was also a certain kind of peace that felt familiar and even comforting.

She glanced to the side at the stranger and nodded at her words. She hadn't meant to strike up a conversation, not really, but she also didn't want to move from the spot she had picked for herself. It was surely one of the better ones. "I know," she agreed, dark eyes directed towards the sky. "No wonder people find symbolism and write poetry about it."

status: open (@bhqextras) location: Full Harvest Moon Viewing Party ; Prospect Park

if given the choice, olivia would've travelled to the country for this. perhaps she would have rented a car and driven until she was in the middle of nowhere, and then just parked on the side of the road and watched the moon. it wasn't that the view of the moon from here wasn't fine - it was, decent at least. up north where there was no light to drown out the stars? now that was spectacular.

but olivia didn't like to travel like that alone. she was small, after all, and had done enough research for the next twenty lifetimes that told her how she should avoid rural areas at night, and certainly don't go alone. as she didn't have anyone that was willing to go on an impromptu evening roadtrip, she found herself at the park. it would be good enough from here, the moon was still worth the late night for sure. so she laid back on her towel, arms crossed beneath her head casually.

❝ you know, ❞ she started, pretty much assuming that the person settled on the towel within reach of her own - god, was nowhere in the city no longer crowded? - would no doubt respond. ❝ no matter how many times i watch a full moon rise, it will always blow me away with how pretty it is. ❞

please stop asking me how i'm doing, idk i'm ignoring it

Scanning the space with a positively neutral look on her face, Zahra didn't necessarily look like she was enjoying herself. However, she loved Halloween and was having an absolute blast people-watching. "Oh, it is creative, that's for sure," she commented as the other posed her question. Truly, she had no idea what she was looking at but it was obvious the costume had taken some time and effort. Zahra could definitely appreciate that. "Love the multiples, um, heads? I guess those are heads."

open - @aurorabaystarter

where - sharky's halloween party

Celeste wasn't really one for dancing (at least not while sober) so she happily stood to the side, leaning against the wall as she people watched, sipping on whatever bright red 'blood' drink she'd been given at the bar. "What the hell do you think that costume's supposed to be?"

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT TASK #001

a zahra hamed playlist

"Yeah, that's what I was thinking. It'd be way easier than trying to trick her into her carrier and then try and carry her around. She does not like it one bit and I can't blame her." Despite her efforts, Circe despised the very sight of her carrier and would run and hide the moment Zahra pulled it out. She had of course splurged on the nicest, most comfortable one on the market but Circe did not seem to appreciate the luxury and would've most likely preferred to be carried in a food delivery bag. Her eyes grew wide as Julia described the account she had found. A delighted burst of laughter. "Really? I definitely need to check that out. Sounds like a dream, just a guy and his cat riding a bike."

Returning the books was blessedly an easy ordeal, and Zahra could at least congratulate herself on getting the haul back before any late fees had managed to materialise. She had managed to accomplish something that day and felt better for it. "Oh, I don't know. I love a good fun fact or a useless piece of information but medicine? Don't think I have the brain capacity for that." That being said, she was always eager to learn new things and could imagine far worse ways to spend an afternoon. "Lead the way."

“Oh well that makes sense, especially in New York I guess. I’m not sure how many cabs would let you in with a cat on the loose so at least with her in a pram thing you can just walk there or get the underground.” If it wasn’t raining and Julia was in that position she would one hundred percent walk so as to avoid the hell of New York’s subway. Useful, sure. Pleasant? Never. “She’d be meowing at everyone you walk past. I was on instagram the other day doomscrolling because I couldn’t sleep and this account came up about this guy who rides around with his cat in the basket of his bicycle. This fluffy white thing that just sits there and looks around - it was actually kind of adorable in a wildly impractical way.” 

Following the other towards the returns she listened as she spoke about not being tempted to pick up any medical books, understanding the concept of having different interests but the idea of walking into that section of a library without taking something home with you entirely alien to her. “I’m sure you would understand more than you give yourself credit for. I mean of course the terms are complex if you don’t know what they mean I guess - that is quite specific. Plus when they delve into more detailed specifications…” She trailed off, putting the bag of books down onto the floor once they arrived at the returns desk. @ofzahras

"Nothing better than a good character study, especially if absolutely nothing happens. Sometimes it's real nice to read about nothing. Although I guess I'm somewhat partial to literature that's not always super, um, happy. That being said, I've enjoyed my fair share of fluffy romances and feel-good classics. There's definitely a time and place for them." Literature had been one of her favorite forms of escapism ever since she was a kid listening to her parents' read to her at night. She had delighted in being able to pick up a book for bedtime, always eager to learn where the story had left off the night before. She found herself missing that childhood wonder and reading solely for fun. Laughing when the other defended her opinion, Zahra nodded along. "Sure. It's good to have strong opinions."

She shook her head vigorously. "Not at all, I appreciate it. Otherwise I would have been stuck here for ages, unable to decide. There are so many good books I would've never picked up if someone hadn't recommended to me."

"i agree. i'm personally a character development person. i prefer a good character arc and relationship building over plot. honestly it could be a 'no plot just vibes' type of book and i'd be happy. frankly, i wish there were more books where nothing happens and everything is just, sorta, happy. i know most people wouldn't really like that, but sometimes i just want to be in a world full of happiness even just for a little while. just to enjoy the temporary lack of stress, you know?" she explained, eyes drifting upward in thought. she cringed slightly at the other's words, not because she disapproved of them. no. she believed everyone was entitled to their own opinions and they were all valid. it never changed the way she thought of a person. but she just had hated the book that much. she shivered a bit. "oh i don't think it has any merit. if i never see that book again it would be too soon," she laughed.

she placed a flattered hand against her chest and smiled broadly. "well thank you! that means a lot to me, honestly. it's good to know i'm not just some annoying person coming to bug people into buying their favorite book," she laughed. "i understand that. never enough time to read all the books in the world."