Ladynoir

Jean: *avoiding stepping on cracks in the sidewalk*

Mozart: What are you doing

Jean: Avoiding the buttcracks on the pavement

Mozart:

Jean: Dazai has informed me that stepping on them will guarantee that ma mère will break her back

Mozart: Jean your mother has been dead for centuries

Jean: You... are not wrong

Mozart: And she was awful to you

Jean: She was?

Mozart: Did you not read your route?

Jean: Barring the fact that I can't read, how does one read a path? Are you referring to palm-reading? *stares seriously at his palm*

Mozart: No, Jean. Your story in the Ikemen Vampire dating simulation

Jean:

--- Yanderepuck's Jean-panic-digging-graves hc made me think he'd freak out about this kinda thing too, as would probably any normal human being

This is the only 🪩✨TWILIGHT🪩✨ in a nutshell I will accept

✨TWILIGHT✨ in a nutshell…

Disco tampon fights dog with issues over walking crippling anxiety. Crippling anxiety doesn’t like dog with issues, but doesn’t wanna hurt dog with issues. So she hops between the two, but makes it clear, she likes the disco tampon. Crippled anxiety then finds out disco tampon, is in fact, a disco tampon! She’s like “ooh, so pretty! So cool! I wanna date you even more.”

Crippling anxiety meets disco tampon’s family, and expensive girl is like “WE BEST FRIENDS” while her boyfriend, blood constipation, can’t be around her cause he wants to do want tampons do and suck da blood.

Moody booty CanNOT stand crippling anxiety, and wants her to go away. (Same bestie, it’s tiring) Anyway! Moody Booty’s boyfriend, Gorilla Man is a lovable dumbass.

They adoptive parents, Dr. steal yo wife and Ms. I just met you but I claim you as my kid Are loving! Crippling anxiety is a dumbass and follows tracker the tractor and almost become a disco tampon.

Disco tampon family leave crippling anxiety behind and she becomes crippling depression. She almost dies, but expensive girl is like “NO! HELP ME SAVE DISCO TAMPON!”

They then go to ?Italy? and crippling depression saves disco tampon, gets threatened by Rat-man and his premium disco tampons, and becomes crippling anxiety again.

Crippling anxiety leaves dog with issues for disco tampon and they get married. THEN! CRIPPLING ANXIETY GETS HORNY AND CREATES FAKE DOLL BABY!

Crippling anxiety become a disco tampon; dog with issues imprints on doll baby, becomes alpha, and has his baby pack. Rat-man and his team of premium disco tampons wanna kill doll baby cause she a child who don’t age. But the original disco tampons are like “fuck you!”

And they fight, with the help of wannabe werewolves. Blood constipation dies, Dr. Steal yo wife dies, Rat-man and his team of premium disco tampons die, and a bunch of other disco tampons die. Including the wannabe werewolves!

But then it turns out that it was a vision 👀 expensive girl had, which would happen if Rat-man tried to kill doll baby.

Bonus: Crippling anxiety became crippling anger and tried to kill dog with issues because he imprinted on doll baby. She ended up hurting tiny cutie. But tiny cutie was like “it’s ok” and they mended that real quick…

and every Caucasian in that movie had a big ass forehead

Just opened Spotify to this… my guy…

FUCKING CACKLING ‘CAUSE, LIKE DARLING, JUJUBE, YOU TELL ME THIS WHILE I AM ACTIVELY PUKING MY GUTS UP WDYM???

love him tho

This is sooo good fr, check it out if you haven’t already!!

Star Stationary -

C ` Anakin Skywalker x Reader

Summary ` Since the Halloween party, you've been kind of down about the brown-haired girl you saw Anakin kiss, but no time to fret. Anakin can't bear to see you sad for long.

!Warnings! Angst. But little fluffy bits here and there

wc ` 1.3k

notes ! this is closely based on characters, Jim and Pam, from a tv show, The Office.

It had been a couple weeks since you and Anakin walked out of the party to deliver him to that beautiful woman in his front seat. As much as you hated to say it, you cried on the way to your car. You only knew him for a bit, but something about him felt special. A type of feeling you never had before. A gut feeling that you two were supposed to meet. Regardless, suck it up and move on. You had better things to do then sulk.

Today was the first time you had even made eye contact with him since then. He had slid some papers over your desk to fax. You looked up, expecting to see one of your other coworkers, but your eyes followed the trail from his silver watch, to his pale blue sleeve, his neatly tucked collar, up to his tanned neck, his tightened jaw, and finally, his beautiful baby blues. It was only a quick glance, but it was as if this was his way of asking to go back to how you were. A small gesture where he says he needs you.

"I um, I need you to fax this for me please." He adjusted his glasses, as you merely nodded, grabbing the papers off your desk. You felt his eyes follow you to the fax machine, and soon his feet followed suit. You stood there, eyes unwavering from the papers and the machine. His remained glued to you, as if he was in a trance.

"Here you go." Your voice was quiet as you handed them back to him. His hand brushed your pointer finger.

"Thank you receptionist." His little joke didn't land. You just stared at him. In his awkward state of embarrassment, he nodded his head and walked back to his desk. You tried not to think much of it, but god how you missed him. Your desk felt empty without your blonde statue to stand in front of it and pester you when you were in a pinch.

Your eyes drifted to his direction often times, and his to yours, but your visions never crossed paths.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆─────

Lunch rolled around after what seemed like ages. You had made yourself comfortable in one of the blue chairs in the break room. Alone. Everyone had already taken their lunch earlier, but you had become so slammed at one point you had almost forgot.

Mid-bite into your sandwich, the door creaked open. A pair of blue eyes briefly met with yours, but you quickly removed contact, focusing back on your lunch.

"Stop doing that."

What the hell? Who did he think he was?

"I beg your pardon?" You finished your bite, turning to meet his eyes again.

"Don't play dumb. You know what I mean. I don't mean to come off rude..." His confident demeanor faltered for a second at the thought of hurting your feelings.

"Anakin don't-"

"Don't what? Ask my friend what's going on?" Friend. God, you had newfound hatred for that word and everything it meant.

"Nothing's wrong..." He had made his way to your table, scooting a chair out and plopping himself down across from you, leaning on his forearms.

"You know I can tell when your lying." You let out a fake laugh.

"Listen I've been there before... let me help you." Your eyes bulged. What was he talking about? Help you? Surely, he was out of his mind. You kept your mouth shut, chewing, waiting to hopefully hear more of his proposition. "Moving to a new place is hard. Having no one to talk to... let me help get you out there!" You let go of a breath you didn't know you were holding. "Padme has this friend-"

"I'm good." Padme. That name would ring in your ears the rest of the week. Hell, maybe even month. Your stomach twisted and curled at her name, completely making yourself blind to Anakin's pleas. You couldn't help but curse yourself for picturing yourself in her place. She had done nothing wrong, and you weren't that type of person.

After much consideration, you put the last bite of your sandwich down. "I'm sorry Anakin. You're right. I shouldn't have been such an ass." Both of you laugh and smile. As you walk to the door, Anakin opens it for you, guiding you through with his hand on the small of your back.

You cursed yourself for how it made you feel. But did you have a choice?

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆─────

The clock ticked, 20 minutes till 5. Thank God. Your's and Anakin's playful antics resumed to a degree. Passing each other silly notes, sarcastic emails, and of course customer gossip.

RING!!!

The company phone pulled you out of your daydreams. You answered greeting them politely and offering your standard help. A feminine voice answered on the other side. She asked to be directed to Anakin.

"Of course, one second please!" Your smiley voice faded as you put the phone down and redirected her call. "Anakin, hey, line three!" You held up your three fingers and whisper yelled to him.

He shook his head, nodded, and smiled.

You genuinely weren't trying to be in his business, but his "business" client was beginning to sound like a very personal conversation. Anakin held his head low, and kept his voice down. You could pick up small bits of his sentences. He wasn't happy.

"I blocked you for a reason- Padme- please- I don't want to talk right now- stop it- c'mon" His low voice hummed under the white noise of the office.

After minutes, his telephone slammed back down in its place. The whole office jumped, looking over at Anakin who gently raised his hands, apologizing quickly, reassuring everyone.

After minutes of rubbing his temples, his eyes followed you as you grabbed your coat off the rack. Several other people were making their way to the exit. It was five and no one was in the mood to stay longer. You couldn't blame 'em. This white light was mind numbing.

After a moment of grabbing your belongings, it was just you and him.

"Hey," His voice called out to you. You turned to meet him. "here's that guy's number." Not quite the romantic confession you were dreaming of, but it was whatever. He handed you a sticky note with Padme's friend's name and number. He really meant the best. You couldn't be mad.

"Thanks.."

"Don't thank me." He smiled coming up to you, towering over you. He looked at you almost as if he was asking permission for something. You looked at him quizzically. His hands guided themselves to your coat, buttoning the first two top ones. "It's cold out y'know."

You knew, but he just made you feel warm inside.

"Cmon let's go." He stuck his arm out, offering it to guide you out. You playfully smacked him and walked in front of him, making your way to the elevator first. You quickly tried to get the door to close, but he stuck his hand through, triggering the sensors just in time.

He moved into the small space, parading his body weight over you, backing you into a corner, pretending you weren't there. "Anakin!" You said muffled.

"Oh sorry! Didn't see you there." He moved to the side, smiling as he took your light hits to his arm with ease. The rest of the elevator ride was spent with silent smiles, and muffled laughs, the kind of laughter only the two involved would understand.

Ding!

The doors opened, revealing the lobby to you and Anakin. Once again, he raced ahead of you to hold the door open, guiding you out the way.

You made your way to your car, and he had followed, opening the door for you. After you ducked your way inside, he gestured for you to turn and take your feet out of the door side so he could close it. "Drive safe alright?" He whispered, tapping the top of your vehicle.

"Yes sir." You chuckled, looking down. He just smiled in response, gently closing the door as he waved.

notes: THIS TOOK FOREVER I AM SO SORRY, FINALS AND STUFF ARE CRAZY. I am trying so hard to write because it is fulfilling, and I love communicating with everyone, but it has been stressful and I've barely found time. I promise I'll try and get better about it, just have a lot on my plate, (trust, I will eat tho). Sorry this one is a lot shorter, I just don't want to add onto a chapter if it doesn't feel fitting y'know.?Regardless, thank you so much for being patient with meee. I hope you enjoyed!

tags ` @darthgloris , @queenie-official , @bby-imasociopath , @mxltifxnd0m , @jayrami3 , @robertsmithclone , @brainscabs , @bimbo-baggins86 , @t8lzw

(<3)

hey update on YT folks; ublock has put out a guide to getting adblock to work on there again, which i only found out today bc YT failed to work with ublock running. you can find their post >here<, i highly recommend following the link in the post to submit complaints to YT about violating a policy their parent company follows as well, as we'll be in a perpetual cycle of bullshit if we dont.

Morgan: look Petey! I lost a tooth!

Peter: wow! That's great Morgan! Are you excited for the tooth fairy to come visit you?

Morgan: yeah! I wanna see if she's nice or if she's as scary as people say she is!

Peter: what are you talking about? The tooth fairy isn't scary!

Morgan: but she takes peoples teeth! She must keep them in her mouth, so she must have LOADS of teeth! Lots of ity bity teeth in a HUGE mouth!

Peter: ...

Harley: well, at least she's excited about it?

Not to be an obligatory Donation link post, but while we’re at it…

Planned Parenthood

NARAL Pro-Choice America

EMILY’s List

The National Abortion Federation

Center for Reproductive Rights

if you’re interested in donating, all of these orgs fight on a federal level to help ensure Women’s rights & Women’s right to choose. They aim to expand access to and provide resources about abortion, & elect federal officials who will support abortion rights

meow meow

you can get a print here