Imagine A Group Of Humans And Aliens Talking About Their Home Worlds While In The Ship’s Canteen. One

Emphasis

Imagine aliens coming to Earth and having translators that work perfectly. Except they don’t pick up on tone.

Tone has a HUGE impact on a message. Consider the following sentence:

“You look nice today.”

Now repeat it stressing each word one by one.

“YOU look nice today”, implying someone else that you are probably indicating with your body or to whom you’d previously referred does not.

“You LOOK nice today”, implying that you don’t smell/sound it.

“You look NICE today”, thus turning what would otherwise have been a casual remark into a compliment. You don’t just look nice. You look damn fine.

“You look nice, TODAY”, which is clearly an insult purpoiting that you usually look like crap. Damning by faint praise, as they say.

And all of these are possible - and wildly differing - meanings to a simple four word sentence.

In this scenario, super secret plans could be discussed in front of the aliens with them being none the wiser simply by saying it à la Mean Girls. Should war between the two factions emerge, humans would win by the power of passive-aggressive bitching

In the spirit of Space Australia posts...

I like the idea of humans not being the only species with a need to unecessarily bond and form ‘packs’ and whatnot, or the only species to enjoy putting themselves in danger for the adrenaline rush, or the only species to recreationally poison themselves, or even the only species to have parties.

You know what I love, though?

Crowd psychology and the concept of group flow.

I love the idea that humans are the species that is in love with group flow. Sure, any alien can listen to music and enjoy it, maybe even go to concerts in large groups. But humans are the only non-telepathic species where going in a large group enhances the experience simply because you know that dozens or hundreds or even thousands of other people are all getting in the zone with you at the same time for the same reason. Any alien can go to a concert, but they marvel at the sight of hundreds of humans singing along to their favorite artist not because it makes the song objectively better, but because it enhances the experience.

I love the idea of aliens trying to figure out mob psychology, looking at sports fandoms and the riots that happen if a team fails to win a game, and asking themselves and other humans how it gets to that point. Because they can put the same human in front of the same game and get two entirely different results based on whether the human is alone or not. A lone human may break a bottle or curse, but they will likely not do more than that, unless they go online to rant. A human in a group that feels the same way can do much more damage.

I love the idea of aliens trying to figure out the aspect of performative grief for dead celebrities, not understanding that it is not only practice for when a death comes closer to home, but that it is a form of bonding, a call and an echo of “I feel this way too. This person mattered to me too,” across thousands or millions of people’s screens and faces and pens.

I love the idea of aliens taking a look at frat parties and nightclubs and karaoke and being so confused, because they can understand that intoxication might be fun, sometimes, or that singing or dancing with strangers can be fun, but the sheer chaos of an out-of-control college party is terrifying to them. There is nothing here that people will enjoy come the morning, but somehow that doesn’t matter, because in that moment, with those people, the humans are connecting as they sing their drunken songs or eat their terrible food or dance the night away. There is a sense of belonging even in this awful mess, for those who know how to find it.

I love the idea of aliens looking at conventions and wondering how it is that there is such a difference in a person wearing a costume in the privacy of their home and wearing it to a large con, how the endorphin levels soar even when the human is not receiving compliments, just because the convention is an echo chamber of “I love this show, this character, this franchise, this life.”

I love the idea of aliens coming to earth and understanding the meaning of bonds and enjoying music and knowing fiction and surviving our weather and planets and everything and still not being able to understand how a room full of strangers with no telepathy can feel so connected and in-tune simply by sharing an experience. The feelings aren’t always positive ones, but they are there, and there is a comfort in sharing them with endless people you’ve never met.

Anyway, that’s my contribution for Space Australia.

Why do you do this? 390 shmo? WHY?

to contribute to the ‘humans are weird’ posts...

Okay, but what about marathons tho. Humans are built to follow animals on foot. Until the animal literally gives up and dies. That’s how we hunt. We’re not super fast or claw-y or bite-y. we just keep running. Forever.  Imagine aliens finding out about marathons. Aliens who are stealth predators or evolved from sedentary species learning that humans just straight up run their prey to death.  Alien Wimu: Human Nik, I have been watching this hologram for several ngu’la. What are these humans doing? Human Nik: Oh, wow, that’s the Olympics! It’s a competition where humans see who is the best at various physical tasks. This is the marathon, I think?  Alien Wiro: We have tests of physical prowess on Mngumu as well. But I have been watching for several ngu’la and these humans have been running the entire time. I am concerned. Are they well? Has something gone wrong with the event? Is something chasing them?  Human Nik: Nope, that’s the event! It’s actually really cool. A long time ago, this human ran – a bunch of kilometers? Something like 40, I think – because he was carrying a message to a place called Marathon from … someplace in Greece because of a war or something. He died I think. Anyway, now a lot of people do it! I actually ran a half-marathon for charity once. It was pretty grueling but it felt really good. Alien Wiro: …I’m sorry, but I believe you said 40 kilometers. That is equivalent to roughly 349 shmo!  Human Nik: Yeah, that sounds about right.  Alien Wiro: And you said the original person died? Human Nik: Well, I think. But like I said we train for it now. It’s not so bad, really.  Alien Wiro: …  Human Nik: Anyway, thanks for showing me! It’s really easy to lose track of time up here, wow. Had no idea the Olympics were happening.  Alien Wiro: … @space-australians

Empathy

So the Humans are Weird tag keeps popping up and I absolutely love it, so I’m going to add!

So everyone talks about pack bonding and how humans are super friendly but imagine the aliens trying to find out why and discovering the humans actually have the ability to tap into empathetic fields. To feel a small bit of what another person if feeling.

Like they don’t have to be looking at someone to tell if they’re upset. They just ‘feel’ it. Like 'so I just got a call from Jenny and she seems sad’. And the alien is like 'she sounded fine to me?’ but the humans like 'no, no, I know Jenny, something is wrong’ and guess what something is.

Or how in really tense situations humans sort of just MOVE together. Shift and cover each other’s blind spots without even talking or looking. How they just seem to know when someone is upset and the aliens are like cool low level hive mind.

And then they find out about mob mentality and that freaks them out, that someone can get so caught up in the emotions of a group they basically become one person in 100 bodies. About how when humans go to conserts and dance the music just enhances Thier emotions and they all get in sync and that’s why humans like music so much, it strengthens that empathetic connection!

And then they realize that yes, when the John-human winces because Mizan smashed his finger TS because he somehow 'felt’ that and they’re all like wait no and the realize yeah, Humans can tap into us too.

Tavik is going threw a rough patch with Thier mate but doesn’t tell anyone and acts the exact same so HOW DOES THIS HUMAN KNOW IM UPSET? And all the aliens are like forget telepathy, humans just freaking FEEL this stuff.

In 500 years NASA could be a travel company

You know that one post about humans being really durable compared to aliens and that one about humans being really cute to aliens?

What if they were both true at the same time. Like the aliens decide to take their human on a landing mission because they get so exited and it’s so cute but then a storm hits and they crash. And the aliens are all freaking out because they can’t be rescued without going outside to fix something but the readings say they’ll die if they do because of the storm. The leader’s all prepared to make a heroic sacrifice when the cute human just walks out the airlock to fix the thing and when they get back they’re just like “what? It’s not that bad out.”

And the aliens find out humans are made of iron on top of being adorable.

Imagine an alien species that venerates the spoken word.

Speaking is a sacred thing to them. Why wouldn’t it be? it’s the ritual exchange of information through a complex series of structures evolved over millennia. That’s a really big deal. So they only ever speak to each other in words to relay important information, like orders or relevant things not already obvious. Small talk either doesn’t exist or is only exchanged with your closest friends or family members. Otherwise it’s not just impolite, but practically blasphemy.

Then humans come along. At first they seem like they’re the same way–their ambassadors are eloquent and polite, and sure maybe their wording can be a little needlessly fancy, but every species is a little different and you’ve gotta make some allowances.

That’s what the aliens think until they actually meet their human crew mates.

And they discover that humans??? Will just say???? Anything?????

One human is braiding another’s hair and comments, “you have so much hair!” as if the other human didn’t know that already??? Their alien crew member is absolutely appalled at the casual use of speech to relay such pithy information. But the other human doesn’t even care???

Another human sees something funny and says “I’m dying” and the alien runs over like “OH NO WHERE DOES IT HURT” and the human is utterly baffled and says “I didn’t actually mean it” which is outrageous because why would that human dare use the power of speech to state something blatantly untrue?

The alien thinks they’ve seen the worst of it. And then a human comes out of the latrine. And they open their mouth.

“YOOOO GUYS I JUST TOOK THE BIGGEST SHIT”

Submitted by: @attentiondeficitohlookasquirrel

Okay, so going off the whole space Australia thing, imagine aliens would think of ACTUAL AUSTRALIA. Humans are batshit insane, we do some crazy shit, but a decent amount of us are shocked by the mere concept of living in Australia. That place is no joke, it’s a death trap of a continent that somehow became a badass country. You don’t fuck with Australia.

Alien: what is a kangaroo?

Human: oh, it’s an animal from Australia. They hop around and the carry their kids in pouches. They may be cute, but don’t get them angry, they can kill you.

The…the human is actually WARNING them of something? The human is AFRAID?

Human: that’s just Australia for you, though. Literally EVERYTHING on that continent can kill you, so I guess it’s not THAT off. Be careful if you ever go to Australia, though. It’s a very dangerous place.

And this all of the aliens avoid Australia at all costs because if the fucking HUMANS are scared then it must be the most dangerous and frightening place ever.

I will not let my brood mother perish

Reblog or your mom will die in 928 seconds.

I love my mom.

I am risking nothing

I AM SORRY FOLLOWERS, I LOVE MY MOMMY

Will not risk.

sorry followers :(

Not greeting someone this way is a sleight to their honor.

Whenever I see a post on tumblr suggesting aliens don’t have gender, I always think–‘but what if also the reverse. What if aliens also have some fundamental social construct we don’t’.

Like, they come and meet us and they’re like ‘hey this is an awkward question but what’s your gooblebygark?’

And we’re like what.

‘You know, the… the thing. Your goobledygark. The thing that dictates whether you’re gnarfgnoovles or brubledoopes’

What. What. What the fuck, those words don’t even mean anything??? What are you talking about?

‘Look, your ridiculous human languages don’t seem to have the words for these! But they’re totally a thing, they’re like, fundamental aspects of social life for our species, just… just let us lick you so we can know what verb tense to use when we speak to you.’

What does one thing have to do with the other??? That makes no–

‘UGH, nevermind, you’re totally brubledoopes, I can just tell, I don’t even need to taste your bacterial skin colonies.’

And then another alien overhears and is like ‘holy shit, you can’t stereotype like that, that’s SO NOT COOL’

‘yeaH BUT THEY WON’T LET ME LICK THEM’