Nonex-on-the-way - I'm A Punny Excuse For A Human

Reblog if you're not homophobic

Every url that reblog’s will be written in a book and shown to my homophobic dad. 

Source: mr.kitters.the.cat

me messaging a casual acquaintance: hello, how are you?

me messaging a best friend w/zero lead-in:

The most accurate Kaminari skit I have come across yet lmao 🤣 😂

I came up with a pun earlier, I feel proud of myself:

How do you weigh a dinosaur’s bones?

You scale-a-ton…

The Clergy hates your eccentric ways, but you remain the best Exorcist and you love your job. You’re only called upon to chase the strongest, fiercest demons. But your prayers are just for show, what really terrifies the spirits away is witnessing a demon powerful enough to take human shape…

I hate it when I talk wistfully about the ancient world and then people are like “you wouldn’t survive back then” yeah obviously I would die immediately but do you think achilles would be able to survive in the modern world if he had to send one polite email? no

alternatives to "ladies and gentlemen"

cads and wastrels

fellow scoundrels

ladies, gentlemen, and interesting miscellanea

beloved friends & tolerated acquaintances

entities of interest

paying audience members & assorted freeloaders

the fbi's most and least wanted

discerning guests & those of you with fuck all else to do on a tuesday evening

esteemed gutter filth

What anxiety? I have CHEEKBONES!