Once Again For The Bargain Price Of $6.66 I Will Present To You A Top 5 Childhood Misadventures: April

Jaskier: "ugh i need a trim. Geralt do you have any shaving cream?"

Geralt: "no I don't like the taste."

Jaskier: "wait. what? You eat it?"

Geralt: "No. Why would I eat it if I don't like the taste?"

be christ-like this christmas. gather a crowd and inspire them to anarchism. beat a politician with a whip. help out your local sex workers. preach equality.

as much as the concept of Jesus being a fairly normal lad has its charms, im personally very intrigued by the idea of him being just… extremely weird. not even in a mystical sense, just…….staggeringly BIZZARRE. 

you go to the well to get some water, and here’s Miriam’s boy, staring at the sky, completely still. his expression is unreadable. you hazard a hello and ask how he’s doing, and he slowly, unblinkingly, lowers his gaze on you (he’s 8 and is missing his frontal teeth, not that this is making you any less uncomfortable) and says “I cannot speak of the state of my being, Nathan son of Saul, my brother, but rejoice for the water you shall take today will be as pure as the soul of the children of Heaven”

…you start sweating

Gosh dammit muffin! Now I can't get the idea of long haired andorogynous zuko out of my head, and I'm like "what if he'd never done the bald ponytail thing and just let his hair grow back, so by the show he had long ass hair" and then I was like "what if he joined the gaang after crossroads and figured that the best way to go incognito was as a woman since people were looking for the PRINCE. Anyway now i'm staring down a blank google doc so thx.

Yesss.

i'm not the praying sort, but i'll probably always have a soft spot for the astronaut's prayer

i’m not your superhuman — a playlist for modern day slytherins

idle worship - paramore // gasoline - halsey // champion - fall out boy // love me - the 1975 // immortals - fall out boy // castle - halsey // emperor’s new clothes - panic! at the disco // glory and gore - lorde // control - halsey // no rest for the wicked - lykke li // afraid - the neighbourhood // heads will roll - yeah yeah yeahs // everybody wants to rule the world - lorde // young god - halsey // heathens - twenty one pilots // the love club - lorde // fuck you - lily allen // hurricane - halsey // you’re so dark - arctic monkeys // r.i.p. 2 my youth - the neighbourhood // r u mine? - arctic monkeys // take me to church - hozier // cool kids - echosmith // casual affair - panic! at the disco // smells like teen spirit - nirvana // perfect places - lorde // golden days - panic! at the disco // novocaine - fall out boy // prey - the neighbourhood // money power glory - lana del rey // bad blood - bastille // bury me face down - grandson // wicked ones - dorothy // the outsider - marina and the diamonds // planetary (go!) - my chemical romance // legendary - powers // dont trust me - 3oh!3 // bubblegum bitch - marina and the diamonds // this is gospel - panic! at the disco

LISTEN

i just realized that the siblings never really discussed the fact that klaus honest-to-goodness died, so hear me out: 

imagine that one night, after every single apocalypse the world could possibly throw at them has been averted and they’re all getting ready for an ‘adult sleepover’ (which is basically just a bullshit excuse they pull to build the most awesome blankets-and-pillows fort ever), diego blurts out “hey, luther, remember the time you got high for the first time at that rave?” and klaus chuckles and adds “yeah, the one where i died?”

and all movement in the kitchen just–freezes.

vanya and allison stare at him, open-mouthed, the bottles of nail varnish on the table temporarily forgotten; luther’s hands curl into fists, even as he tries to breath in all slow and deep; five’s left eye is doing this funny little twitchy thing; and diego actually manages to squeeze the popcorn bowl in half.

and of course klaus doesn’t notice because he’s soooo used to flying underneath his siblings’ radar, so when they all attack him at once in a massive group hug, he screams, his body going into fight-or-flight mode, before he realizes that they’re scolding him out of pure worry. 

”you ramble about a billion different things, and yet the one time something this important happens to you, you just conveniently ‘forget’ to tell us?” five scoffs, with his face smushed into somebody’s collarbone.

klaus can’t tell who, can’t really make out where his body ends and another sibling’s begins and suddenly, klaus feels nothing but love and gratitude for them, because hey whaddya know, his family actually cares about his fucked-up ass.

“y’know, i really wish ben were here,” vanya mutters after a bit in a shaky voice.

and diego pats her hair softly because it’s yet another thing they share aside from the shittiest luck when it comes to love: to have their brother back after seventeen years of mourning him, and lose him within the next hour without a proper goodbye.

“don’t worry, vanny,” klaus says, squeezing her tight. “i’m sure he’s up there puking his guts out at how lovey-dovey we’re being right now.”

and just like that the spell is broken. his siblings suddenly find better things to do, like cleaning up the spilled popcorn and giving vanya’s fingers another coat of shiny varnish, but klaus just gives them all the widest shit-eating grin he can muster, because ben–curse the bastard–is right again:

it’s all gravy.