I Think I Feel Homesick

an old description writing

23rd jan 2024

but this is from like december i wanna say (13th november to be exact)

There is no wind. the salt is carried up to my nose in thick waves, no wind to blow it away. i slam the car door, old paint and rust crumble into my hand like ironic summer snowflakes. i swipe them away, turning to focus on the sea. the stone ledge burns and its sharp corners scrape my legs. i say nothing.

Almost i lie and say i see france, the shiny, salt coated swimmers paddling thier way across the channel, small sun-scorched children mimic french revolutions with sandcastles and cruel older brothers kick them over, revolution hungry seagulls swoop down chopping the heads off of chips. i remember the winters of gulls nesting far from the beach, where snow meets sand and the winter bite takes my mind away from the nausiatingly still day.

i remember winter, not too long ago, not long to come. violent whiplash between small giggles bubbling up from the beach and silent crunches of snow. grease lined smoke, thick smells and some gauge nostalgia always will break for crisp cold air, smoke rises from your mouth as you speak, i wish i could hear you speak, to ice capped waves, to salty snow, to frozen stone ledges where your clothes stick. you always hated summer and so i will in some Machiavellian remembrance of the person i used to know.

an alarm rings on my phone, the parking meter has run out. cold coins fall into the machine, ill have another hour. maybe ill plunge into the sea, swim as far as i can and stare back at the landscape of families and umbrellas, comedically oversized for the children underneath. an old church next to seemingly more rundown souvenir shops, the car i remember you driving in, the lampposts you tried to climb, the walls you spray painted. maybe ill go over to calais, join a family there with bright bathing suits and picnic baskets i can almost see now. its beautiful, the summer is beautiful.

anyways,

I miss ginger

16 Jun 2024

It’s been so long since ginger stopped talking to me and I really miss her, I’ve seen her reposting and I just miss her and I think I’d take her back if she asked nicely because I just miss her so badly and I don’t even know why.

Anyways,

i2

imagine him cuddling Sam like this while they’re sleeping 😭 i know she wanted to be that pillow so bad

what if ctommy hit his growth spurt in exile so not only was he fucking freezing and malnourished but the little bit of growing that he can do only serves to make his one set of clothes Not fit him anymore . tall like his brother was when he was alive and skeletal like his brother is when hes dead. does that make sense. what if that happeend

the fact that we only have “herculean task” and “sisyphean task” feels so limiting. so here’s a few more tasks for your repertoire

icarian task: when you have a task you know you’re going to fail at anyways, so why not have some fun with it before it all comes crashing down

cassandrean task: when you have to deal with people you KNOW won’t listen to you, despite having accurate information, and having to watch them fumble about when you told them the solution from the start (most often witnessed in customer service)

feel free to chime in i ran out of ideas much faster than i anticipated

Something something pomegranate

10th Jan 2024

When you get the seeds out of a pomegranate you should put the whole thing underwater so when you accidentally burst a seed and the juice gets out it disperses into the water and doesn’t stain your hands (unrelated but it looks very shark movie when you do burst a seed underwater) but theres something so sad about it, here i am, tearing you apart, taking your seeds and leaving you without your innards yet your blood is an inconvenience to me, nothing more. you try and leave your mark and all i do is wash you away like it was nothing and your last screams and shouts to stain and claim me, your murderer, are left in reddish water that goes down the drain. seemed kinda poetic.

anyways,

3 dec 2024

She had no idea what she was going to lose. Didn’t even stop to savour it.

Anyways,

I forget how much I love performing

16 apr 2024

Jamie opened tonight!! it was insane, that buzz that feeling you get inside I forget how real it is, like electricity is in the air and everyone’s joy is palpable. I’ll really miss this. This community, everyone is friends, I’ll talk to the people I wouldn’t normally talk to and you stay on stage left cramped in with everyone and it feels so real.

Anyways,

beauty is pain

28th dec 2023

my teeth are yellow but the gel in teeth whitening strips tastes gross and has a gross texture

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

17th feb 2024

cannibal chef trope

cannibal doctor trope

cannibal anyone who knows in EXTREME detail about food or the body trope

cannibal chef x cannibal doctor?

that is all

anyways,

THE WORST THING TO EVER HAPPEN TO A PERSON EVER IN THE HISTORY OF MANKIND HAPPENED TO ME

19th Jan 2024

Firstly, I was being very dramatic yesterday (when am I not) but when I walked out of chemistry (for the second time that day) ((after a too much to be a coincidence amount of hand touching but that’s for you to decide)) and meet kakak in the front of the auditorium and he walks past us, looks directly at her and DOESNT STOP UNTIL HES OUTSIDE. to the point that she points it out and asks who he is. i will bash my own head in. And at lunch she comes over to steal my food and all anyone can talk about is how gorgeous she is for the next ten minutes.

i am going to spend the rest of my life in her shadow.

anyways,