Myratbrainmusings - My Rat Brain Musings

an old description writing

23rd jan 2024

but this is from like december i wanna say (13th november to be exact)

There is no wind. the salt is carried up to my nose in thick waves, no wind to blow it away. i slam the car door, old paint and rust crumble into my hand like ironic summer snowflakes. i swipe them away, turning to focus on the sea. the stone ledge burns and its sharp corners scrape my legs. i say nothing.

Almost i lie and say i see france, the shiny, salt coated swimmers paddling thier way across the channel, small sun-scorched children mimic french revolutions with sandcastles and cruel older brothers kick them over, revolution hungry seagulls swoop down chopping the heads off of chips. i remember the winters of gulls nesting far from the beach, where snow meets sand and the winter bite takes my mind away from the nausiatingly still day.

i remember winter, not too long ago, not long to come. violent whiplash between small giggles bubbling up from the beach and silent crunches of snow. grease lined smoke, thick smells and some gauge nostalgia always will break for crisp cold air, smoke rises from your mouth as you speak, i wish i could hear you speak, to ice capped waves, to salty snow, to frozen stone ledges where your clothes stick. you always hated summer and so i will in some Machiavellian remembrance of the person i used to know.

an alarm rings on my phone, the parking meter has run out. cold coins fall into the machine, ill have another hour. maybe ill plunge into the sea, swim as far as i can and stare back at the landscape of families and umbrellas, comedically oversized for the children underneath. an old church next to seemingly more rundown souvenir shops, the car i remember you driving in, the lampposts you tried to climb, the walls you spray painted. maybe ill go over to calais, join a family there with bright bathing suits and picnic baskets i can almost see now. its beautiful, the summer is beautiful.

anyways,

annabeth chase is hated on the most because of the fact that she is the most 'human' out of all the characters.

like out of all the books (that she's present for) annabeth chase is the one who cries the most. she also experiences the most human emotions like jealousy, envy, anger, loss and grief (both for luke, before and after he died). the haters don't like that. they don't like a strong female lead who has emotions that makes her "weak." they want a female lead who throws her emotions away and is submissive does whatever the male lead wants her to do with no ability to think for herself.

the one emotion my girl is ALWAYS being shamed for is jealousy/envy of someone else as if we all haven't at one point in our lives been jealousy of someone. put your selves in her shoes before you start talking abt her.

no one has ever stuck around for her. she genuinely tried so hard to keep everyone that's ever come into her life and none of them have stuck around.

and then she meets percy jackson, a guy who she is NOT supposed to get along with because her mom hates him and she would be expected to hate him because she wants to make her mom proud and acknowledge her. and yet they go on a quest and she realizes that he's not that bad and they become best friends.

fast forward a couple of quests and he's proven to her that he will never leave her side and he isn't like the rest and then one day he shows up with some random mortal girl and then they take over her quest and she lets them, because its the only way to save camp, but that doesn't mean she has to be happy about it.

and then she has one more year with him before she loses him to the great prophecy and she doesn't even see him anymore because he spends all of his time away from camp. and she doesn't want them mad at each other but they just can't seem to get along and suddenly, if feels to her as if he's like everyone else, he found someone better than her and he left.

'oh but why didn't she realize that he had feelings for her earlier?' (dumbest question i've ever heard btw)

my girl only saw him 4-5 weeks out of the year (52 weeks), and that's why she genuinely couldn't tell if he liked her or not. and even if he did, did he like her in a 'i want to date you' way or a summer fling kinda way.

so NO annabeth chase slander will be tolerated.

I need to the chained up the second autumn starts

14 sept 2024

The boys at school have starting wearing jumpers again. I should be chained up and only released when they’re in short sleeve shirts again. Send troops to contain this teenaged girl gnawing at a mid boy because he’s got a jumper on.

Anyways,

I think I feel homesick

29 Jul 2024

I keep going to different places and sleeping in new houses and for once I think I’m homesick and I just want a home. Not necessarily my home but somewhere to go back to after it all.

Anyways,

Carmy was really like if my girl wants a star she can have a star. If my girl wants chaos menu she can have chaos menu. If my girl wants a chef's jacket she can have a bespoke monogrammed 2k designer one. Whatever she wants she can have it because that's what husbands do for their wives

Bathroom morning hope

21 mar 2024

Ive coined a new term,

Bathroom morning hope, when I walk into the bathroom in the morning and the sun always shines brighter in there and it’s bright and big and beautiful and I have a small seed of hope that today won’t be like all of those other days and we’ll be happy and calm and I think I’ll be ok for those few minutes in bathroom morning hope.

anyways,

i admit i want to be loved religiously and i don’t know what to do with my hands

When Adam bit the apple he did it because he trusted Eve. Because he loved her. Adam bit into the apple because the woman he loved told him to, no matter what God said. No matter the rules of heaven. What's heaven to a woman's love anyway? What's God to your wife? The first sins of humanity, were trusting others. Eve trusted a snake, Adam trusted Eve, and I trust you. Maybe that's a sin, just like the first couple. Maybe everyone's right about us and we're sinners and we offend God. But like I said, what's God to a woman's love anyway? What has heaven got that I can't find sitting next to you on a cool autumn morning?

I blame the boy

23 sept 2024

I both HATE and don’t know anything about physics. I blame adam. Fucking distracting me all year and THATS why I got a 5

Anyways,

i get it dude

18th feb 2024

voltron ending suckeddd man like sucked dick and balls it was so bad. it was JUST the last episode that was bad too like it was a good show until that last episode and it took a nose dive its so crappy.

zero stars do not reccomend i want my money back please and thank you and also i will find you im in your walls benjamin kaltenecker (idk what he does hes just the only guy i see in the credits before i skip to the next episode ((post about not watching credits coming soon ??? idk)) and good choice naming the cow after you like some guy named commander iverson after him but nah just good vibes space cow ((i also love the implication that kaltenecker isnt his name but his breed or species because the shopkeep says get a kaltenecker instead of get a cow)) anyways everyone who said the ending sucked was right but i have alot to say (dude look at my bio what did you expect when you clicked on here)

anyways,