Any Wildest Fantasies?

oh wow i’m in love with asa butterfeild and his BLUE ass eyes

jack of all trades, master of none

28th dec 2023

yk how much better my life would be if i was really really good at one thing, im pretty mediocre at a lot of things but if i was really really good at one thing i think my quality of life would skyrocket.

also im not even like medium good at the things im good at, yeah im alright and i like them but what good is liking something when your 60% shitty at it and all you do all day is long for natural talent when thats never gonna come. i love writing but im not very good at it, i wish i could act, if i could swim my life would be great, hell if i was a long distance runner i would be happy. i just want do be good at something that isnt just feeling emotions very deeply and longing for something tangible. all my grades arent bad but arent good, im not a great friend, im not even that good of a person. i like things and have passion but no grit or determination because really if i didnt pick a career at 5 i think id spend the rest of my life starving in the crotch of a fig tree, wishing for some voice to tell me or for my heart to tell me but i dont even know what to do with my life past uni and thats if i scrape up good enough grades. i wish i didnt spend all my time laying there pretending that im someone im not.

anyways

art by @BottlngSunshine

i admit i want to be loved religiously and i don’t know what to do with my hands

"I'm gay" "I'm straight" yea well I'm the son of poseidon??? I never asked to be?? but I'm the son of poseidon?? now face the tide inside of me??? smh

I refuse to let them think I’m stupid

8 mar 2024

Alex and Adam aren’t allowed to see me failing at chemistry. They can’t see me fail and mess up. I won’t let them think I’m dumb.

Also Adam has started only asking Alex about his answers to see if he’s right so I hate myself even more and really just crave the warm embrace of a grade 9

Anyways,

A massive wuss

3 dec 2024

I can’t watch sad movies- or any movies with pain

I have to look up the plot to every movie before I watch it because I hate being surprised by the ending and I can’t handle the suspense

And maybe that’s why I hate life: There’s no IMDB, no plot synopsis to check. The ending is unknowable.

Anyways,

Carmy was really like if my girl wants a star she can have a star. If my girl wants chaos menu she can have chaos menu. If my girl wants a chef's jacket she can have a bespoke monogrammed 2k designer one. Whatever she wants she can have it because that's what husbands do for their wives

hey i know i asked for constructive criticism but what i actually wanted was for you to tell me i'm extremely talented. and also pretty. sorry if that was unclear

sometimes i wish i was a musician

2nd jan 2024

i hope you get everything youve ever wanted

i hope every room you walk in feels haunted

by the presence of me

ghost of myself, burning incense, rid yourself of my love

this isnt about anyone im just angsty like that