Jack Of All Trades, Master Of None
jack of all trades, master of none
28th dec 2023
yk how much better my life would be if i was really really good at one thing, im pretty mediocre at a lot of things but if i was really really good at one thing i think my quality of life would skyrocket.
also im not even like medium good at the things im good at, yeah im alright and i like them but what good is liking something when your 60% shitty at it and all you do all day is long for natural talent when thats never gonna come. i love writing but im not very good at it, i wish i could act, if i could swim my life would be great, hell if i was a long distance runner i would be happy. i just want do be good at something that isnt just feeling emotions very deeply and longing for something tangible. all my grades arent bad but arent good, im not a great friend, im not even that good of a person. i like things and have passion but no grit or determination because really if i didnt pick a career at 5 i think id spend the rest of my life starving in the crotch of a fig tree, wishing for some voice to tell me or for my heart to tell me but i dont even know what to do with my life past uni and thats if i scrape up good enough grades. i wish i didnt spend all my time laying there pretending that im someone im not.
anyways
More Posts from Myratbrainmusings and Others
i appreciate the thought i really do
27th jan 2024
my dad got me a cactus with purple flowers because purple is my favourite colour, the flowers were fake and hot glued onto the very real very alive cactus.i pulled them off to get the hot glue off of the cactus and showed him how horrible it is that they hot glued flowers onto an alive plant, he says he got it because i like purple and now ive ripped the purple off. its some pained metaphor but its sweet how he tries
anyways,
THE WORST THING TO EVER HAPPEN TO A PERSON EVER IN THE HISTORY OF MANKIND HAPPENED TO ME
19th Jan 2024
Firstly, I was being very dramatic yesterday (when am I not) but when I walked out of chemistry (for the second time that day) ((after a too much to be a coincidence amount of hand touching but that’s for you to decide)) and meet kakak in the front of the auditorium and he walks past us, looks directly at her and DOESNT STOP UNTIL HES OUTSIDE. to the point that she points it out and asks who he is. i will bash my own head in. And at lunch she comes over to steal my food and all anyone can talk about is how gorgeous she is for the next ten minutes.
i am going to spend the rest of my life in her shadow.
anyways,
I blame the boy
23 sept 2024
I both HATE and don’t know anything about physics. I blame adam. Fucking distracting me all year and THATS why I got a 5
Anyways,
beauty is pain
28th dec 2023
my teeth are yellow but the gel in teeth whitening strips tastes gross and has a gross texture
Kind of a tortured metaphor
12 feb 2024
mummy polishes the floor using surface polish. its really slippery and i fall down alot, currently i have bruises on both my legs. when i ask her to stop so i dont get hurt she yells and gets angry.
quite literally her need for perfection will kill us all. (figuratively and literally)
anyways,
am i the coolest loser you know
feeling bad about how i look (again)
15 apr 2025
who knew in the big 25 id still hate how i look. i wish i was pretty enough to not have to worry about being pretty, not even like stop traffic gorgeous but just not absolutely horrified about someone looking at me. its not even acne or face fat or anything i was just born wrong. theres something wrong with me thats unfixable.
anyways,
my english lang writing
19th feb 2024
(the prompt was write a story beginning with "this was going to be a terrible day, one of those days when its best to just stay in bed because everything is going to turn out bad")
this was going to be a terrible day, one of those days when its best to just stay in bed because everything is going to turn out bad.
what a horrible thought to have so early in the morning, this could end up being a great day, i scold myself from inside my own head, yes definately, like yesterday or the day before that, sarcasm leaking from the voice in my head to reprimand yet another voice in my head.
'list the requirements for a bad day.' an old therapy exersize that, for some reason, stuck.
gloomy weather? no, sweet blue skies, candyfloss clouds, warm sun falling through the leaves high above. loud or unnerving surroundings? even less so, light green water laps the bank of a jarringly serene lake flowers waft around the waters edge bowing to meet the surface. around bad people? technically, i am around nobody, calm, alone, peaceful, seemingly, my own inner monolouge is proving to be todays biggest enemy.
today actually has the trappings of a great day, which means it is one of these days. worse than one of the gloomy grey days or days full of work, today is one of the days where i feel so, so bad for being so miserable, for wishing for a storm so i am forced inside and i have to rot in my own misery. slowly i stand up, walking toward the waters edge. the top layer of water is warm after being in the sun for so long, the lower layers are cool and dark. i push myself down.
light filters through a meter or so of water, lake plants grow only a few more meters down. here it is calm, and serene and peaceful. i find myself hating it all over again. floating upwards, i try to count all the reasons i have to be happy. all outweighed by the fact that i am miserable.
my body floats on the surface of the water, my mind is disjointed, forcing me back into a memory where i do not float alone, where next to melays a girl with a smile like sunshine and a laugh like alchohol, she is intoxicating.
"mandy."
she drags out the last letter, i hear it like she is there, all over again i dive deep under water praying the pressure crushes me or the water to fill my lungs. it is so very dark again.
"she would want you to be happy now."
would she?
"she loved you."
did she?
the voices come from all around and i want to inhale and drown them out, everyone telling me to be happy for her because she cannot. she would be better at this, at the moving on part, i am so good at the greiveing, the loss, the wallowing. i exhale and push back up
"no."
her voice plays in my head, an old memory from when i told her i couldnt live without her. so i will breathe fresh, hot, summer air, even if just to spite the girl, because i have to keep her memory and love alive. today is terrible without her and so will the rest of them be, but i will live them, because she told me to and it is rude to disrespect the dead.
my body floats atop the water again.
today was just a little less terrible.
anyways,
