Belle (竜とそばかすの姫) MV.

one of the biggest things I can advocate for (in academia, but also just in life) is to build credibility with yourself. It’s easy to fall into the habit of thinking of yourself as someone who does things last minute or who struggles to start tasks. people will tell you that you just need to build different habits, but I know for me at least the idea of ‘habit’ is sort of abstract and dehumanizing. Credibility is more like ‘I’ve done this before, so I know I can do it, and more importantly I trust myself to do it’. you set an assignment goal for the day and you meet it, and then you feel stronger setting one the next day. You establish a relationship with yourself that’s built on confidence and trust. That in turn starts to erode the barrier of insecurity and perfectionism and makes it easier to start and finish tasks. reframing the narrative as a process of building credibility makes it easier to celebrate each step and recognize how strong your relationship with yourself can become

“I'm a master of speaking silently, all my life I've spoken silently and I've lived through entire tragedies in silence”.

–Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Gentle Spirit.

my psychiatrist just diagnosed me with 19th century russian literature character

You hold yourself so well, people would never suspect you're going through hell.

i’ll be sleeping in afternoon and be awake for the rest of night / midnight : God knew id be too powerful if i wasn’t sleep deprived... also been reading ‘my year of rest and relaxation’ and it was so scary how i actually relate it with my abnormal sleeping patterns... well, im okay though at lease continuously breathing