Why can’t I fix him?
Why is my love not enough? He had feelings for me. That is unarguable. his borderline personality disorder must have kicked in. maybe he was scared, felt unloveable. scared i would abandon him. so he self sabotaged cuz that was the safer bet for him.
but didn’t he see how understanding i was? how much i wanted to take care of him? didn’t he see the stars in my eyes, the expression of pure happiness just lying next to him?
maybe he got greedy. maybe he didn’t want to be tied down. saw how happy i made him, and figured he could do better. get more. have more sex with others. maybe i made him feel too attractive and desirable.
his hypocrisy. watching my grindr usage. sending me snarky remarks on a burner account. replying “who else” when i told him i loved him. i would have pushed every one to the side for him. i mean that. whenever i used the same tricks he used on me, it became an issue.
& he never said i love you back. started calling me codependent. he’s probably right there, but it takes two to tango.
the fact he has a history of this. dating violence. always preying on skinny young twinks with “daddy issues”. who doesn’t have daddy issues. it’s really not fair to reduce love and sexual attraction to that. it is what it is. not one person has a perfect relationship with both their parents. what is the use in trying to distort the pure love and happiness he provided me.
you told me you didn’t ask for another chance. you didn’t ask for me to give you the benefit of the doubt. harsh, true. am i a fool for giving it to you?
i won’t be a fool for letting you get away with this. the people of your past may not have held you accountable with the law. but i will. im not letting you push me around. break my phone and my heart, and walk away feeling like top dog who can do and have whatever he wants.
you had me big guy. and i had you. those seven weeks feel like a dream that i never want to wake up from. we could have built a life. i wanted so desperately to build a life with you.
you asked how i would kill you when we were joking around about that stuff. i said i wouldn’t, because i wanted to live with you. live.
that answer surprised even me. im dark, twisted. have a cruel sense of humor at times. but i don’t act on those thoughts. i can resist those impulses. i don’t want that for my life. i guess you’re not the same in that regard.
i believe everyone is a good person. turns out people aren’t as simple as that. there is part of you that is good. but that part hid away, and someone new is now in your body. i don’t know if it’s from your drug use, or bpd. i don’t know what it is.
it really doesn’t matter to me anymore, since we’ll never ever be together anymore. and that is what im mad about most. the fact you’re probably one of the most handsome men i’ve ever seen. the list goes on the ways you turned me on.
we were such a good match. but now it’s over. and you ruined all chances of there being something more. and that’s what makes me want to hate you. i wish i could hate you.
my error was thinking you wanted better for yourself. my error was assuming we had similar goals and outlooks on life. in many ways we did. and the fact you were such an asshole kinda turned me on. but you’re vicious and cruel, even to someone who loves you.
i don’t know what went wrong to make you this way. i wish i knew. i wish i could change it. i wish i could go back in time, and prevent whatever happened to make you this way.
you were my dream. and now you’re my nightmare. and i hate the idea that now i’m gonna have to spend my life with somebody else. if i survive you. and that we didn’t get enough time together.
Hey🌸 loved your Neptune in 10th house description, I would love to hear your perspective on Neptune in 6th too.
Take care❤️
Hello love! Thank you so much for enjoying it. It would be my pleasure.
Neptune in the 6th house
They are people of kind and attentive nature, as long as they can help others they will not hesitate to do so. There is a healing quality to your presence and the way you interact with other people. Many feel understood by the native who not only gives them emotional support, but also practical support, being able to give a lot of good advice. They like the idea of being there for someone and deep down they long to have someone (friend, partner or partner) who is there for them. They are very devoted in all kinds of relationships and expect that same devotion in return. They have a tendency to give more than they receive, so their lesson is to be devoted and generous in measure.
Their soul is sensitive, contemplative and empathetic, they can feel very intensely what the other feels. They may be drawn to work in fields that allow them to help, support, and care for people or animals. We can see veterinarians, doctors, nurses, teachers, healers, artists, astrologers and tarotists with this placement. Speaking of animals, they can feel a deep connection with them and can help the native to release stress, anxiety or depression. They are extremely kind and charitable people with any living being, including plants. Despite being very devoted to their work, they may have difficulty concentrating or following a very strict routine. Day to day can be overwhelming for them. They may choose to escape their emotional or real-world problems through long hours at work or a lot of sleep.
Throughout their lives they may be prone to frequent colds, multiple allergies or even a lack of iron. These natives are usually very hygienic and have a highly developed sense of smell, so good aromas can make them feel good almost instantly. They have a very sensitive nervous system, so it is very possible that they are very susceptible to stress and prone to nervousness or anxiety. They have a very good eye to analyze people and things, but beyond focusing on details, they are guided more by their intuition and the vibes they have of something or someone.
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i don’t know why i’ve always had a fascination with nero.
i think i relate to him cuz he inherited a falling empire. and his life was so messed up i think it made him messed up.
this series may be coming to an end
new information has been revealed
my cries to heaven become quiet
no more loss to be appealed
Fairywitch
"Though destined to be a fairy, this creature chose the way of the witch instead."
perhaps, misery isn’t something to run from, but a ship that must set sail.
the moon in astrology represents our emotional nature and instincts. pluto represents power/force (good or bad) and what gives us energy, what transforms.
in my chart my moon squares my pluto, which means the planets are basically competing with each other for dominance and it creates imbalance.
pluto in aspect to the moon creates POWERFUL and strong emotions. it wasn’t until my early twenties that i realized most people don’t feel things as intensely as i do. but then again, most people aren’t as awesome either.
i don’t like many astrologers interpretations as pluto being a bad planet, or a square as being a bad aspect. it might be harsh at times, but if you haven’t noticed babe, so is this planet. get over it. wipe that neptune out of your eyes.
if anything, pluto is empowering. it is energizing. after all, something is forcing you to keep getting out of bed in the morning. something is pushing you to get what you want out of life, despite all of the pain and misery and bullshit we have to put up with. we find a will and we find a way. this is pluto.
i don’t really agree. i feel like true healing, you look back and aren’t judging yourself (or them). i feel like regret is part of the healing process though.
Y’all are so childish and don’t even see it. It’s sad. This pop psychology movement really needs to evolve into something greater cuz I’m tired of looking at it every day
if you “set a boundary” and someone reacts negatively, the answer isn’t as simple as “they’re not your friend”. Maybe it wasn’t clear what you were doing, maybe they misunderstood. Maybe your boundary is toxic or hurtful.
“but what if my friend gets offended and hates me and refuses to speak to me after i set a boundary” easy peasy! that is not your friend. hope this helps