I Know How To Say Something And Make It Hurt :/

这个学期，我有“漂亮的汉子课”，汉子的历史和书法，那么东西。我喜欢历史，看怎么汉子改变不同的时代。有繁体字很漂亮，我想要没有改变了。但是，也有简单字我很高兴现在使用。书法，我不耐心。我也不在乎如果我的汉子是理想。但是，我赏识这个传统的艺术。

我几乎忘了，我开始了实习期。它是在一家亚洲文化中心。我有两个中国主任。我下还这个实习期。我很高兴。很好的机会。我现在更老，不是孩子或者年轻人。好吧，我饿死了。我现在要吃爆米花。再见 ！

新的句子/词汇

你看起来很情绪化 · You look emo

我是情绪化 · I am emo

咱们AA吧？- Let’s split the bill.

我没头绪 / I have no idea.

我没有选择 / I have no choice.

做错了也没关系 · it’s okay to make mistakes.

最好的尚未来临· the best is yet to come !!

我感激每一天 ·· I’m grateful for every day

我爱真实的自己- I love myself for who I am

· 一息若存，希望不灭 · while there is life, there is hope.

Next post I think I will make a mental health themed list. I don’t know how to add the pīnyīn in an aesthetically pleasing way, so I’ll just recommend using Pleco app or google translate :)

这是赵酷峰

下次再见！

(･･;) ❀ ❋

Gerhard Richter, Clouds, 1978

Grey heron/gråhäger. Copenhagen, Denmark (July 14, 2019).

sonia

le ciel

daddy am i’z smart

no you stoopid b*#€!@

no

Indiana : American Countryside

Midwest, Great Lakes Region

Summertime

A Father’s Day Weekend

I sit with him on the lakeside

It’s peaceful

The weather is rather humid

We picnic

Hard drugs. Hard problems.

Functional + Generational Addiction are hard. Why me, God? Wasn't being gay in the South enough? I didn't fall into the stereotypes. I wasn't a drug addict cliché. No one ever said anything. Why didn't anyone ever say anything?

Kyle. I can see that you are a little fucked up. Or, you look like you had a long night. No one ever said a thing. It turns out because they didn't actually know. Not always. Not even the times I was so sure they did.

222

"a long and difficult cycle will soon be over". That was the tarot card I pulled. It had the moon sign of what the moon would be in on my birthday last year. I saw 222 constantly while I was getting sober.

Well, soberish. Sober-adjacent. Or just drug addict in denial.

But no offense, if you can't tell if I have used, it makes it less desirable to quit. I know the health problems. I know it makes me a bad person. But so did being gay. So why should I care who thinks I'm a bad person or not. I still do though. And it ate me alive for years.

The inner turmoil was the worst of it, come to find out.

Leaving every social interaction wondering if they could tell. If they knew. It started to overshadow everything. Every moment of my day. It was always in the back of my mind. That I had done meth. That I was technically on meth. We all know the stereotypes. But I went to work. I went to school. I paid my bills. I got good grades. I took showers, brushed my teeth. I went to dinners, events, funerals, birthday parties. No one ever said anything. No one ever asked.

But I would read their faces. Their expressions. Any sign or glimpse that they knew my dirty little secret. Any hunch that I was exposed, and that they knew. Oh how terrible it would feel. To be just a dirty drug addict. It truly was Hell. Even worse than being gay.