I've Been Watching Moomins Again

i went on a walk today again and i kept thinking about how the more you try to control what happens in your life, the more unhappy you will be with it. at least up to a certain point. the more you think you know what you want, the unhappier you will be once you get it and realize what the reality of living with it is like.

society is so fixated on finding your purpose, reaching goals and achievements but that's mainly because we're scared of dying and realizing how miniscule our existence really is in the grand scheme of things. that's one of the main reasons why so many people wanna be remembered for something. and there's nothing wrong with wanting that but there's also nothing wrong with not finding your purpose, or just achieving things that society deems "small" or "unimportant". if it's important to you then it matters. our baseline purpose is to just live our lives and exist. anything else on top of that is a bonus, but not necessary.

if i learned one thing in my almost 30 years of existing, it's that during the course of your life you will realize the ways in which you will reach your goals or find your purpose will be different than you imagined. the less you resist that truth, the less you will be worried about the future and the more at peace you will feel with your existence.

a couple thoughts on self-improvement

we need to understand that not giving ourselves enough time to kick a bad habit and establish a new better habit is a form of self-sabotage.

humans always want a quick solution for everything but our nervous systems were not built to adapt so quickly. that's why quitting a bad habit cold-turkey or starting a new good habit in an extreme way rather than easing in slowly usually doesn't work. (not saying it never works, but even if it does it's not the most optimal way to do things).

think about it this way: most addictions don't go from 0 to 100 immediately. since this is something that most of us struggle with, let's take for example phone addiction: you didn't just become addicted to consuming brainrot after watching a couple of reels. it's a learned behavior that develops from repetition and reenforcement.

i was already addicted to social media and the internet long before i had a smart phone. i watched hours of youtube and scrolled endlessly on tumblr. the problem just got worse and worse as I got more exposure to it and my brain became used to the sensation of that particular, easy dopamine reward. of course shortform content taking over and apps becoming more and more predatory in their design made the problem worse.

another thing that we tend to forget is that creating a better habits means making a conscious decision to do so on a regular basis. the fact that this too, is hard on our bodies and minds needs to be taken into consideration. that's why it's important to celebrate little successes. you managed to go a week without instagram? that's great! you managed to delete an app that you've been wanting to delete for a long time? there's more good things waiting if you keep going!

and if we mess up? if we re-install it or binge-scroll after a week of no social media? -we immediately feel like failures. instead of drowning in this feeling of failure, which reinforces us to go back to our addictive behavior, we need to encourage ourselves to keep trying.

and when we keep trying it's important to observe why we went back to the behavior we are trying to stop and what we could try to do better next time, so that we don't try blindly. what we perceive as failures are actually just experiences to learn something new and do better the next time.

the importance of gently and steadily building resilience and making your body and mind get used to trying again cannot be understated when it comes to forming better habits.

Rainy day in Kyoto

by kittengraysonflowers

oh I see. it was the crime of wanting. that's why I deserve it.

hey guys can you develop more complex nuanced loving views of yourselves. thanks.

by Gianluca Grisenti

you might not ever forget, but you will become okay with remembering.