U Alrdy Kno We Need All Of The Txts Sis 💖

⁺  🔍  ›  SEARCHING  ・・・  🚫대일 씹새끼🚫.  @mmdaeil​  ›  SENT.

⁺  💬  ›  🚫대일 씹새끼🚫.  ›  18:30  ›   good evening ⁺  💬  ›  🚫대일 씹새끼🚫.  ›  18:31  ›   i hope you’ve enjoyed today, you arrogantly pompous, insignificant living trash ⁺  💬  ›  🚫대일 씹새끼🚫.  ›  18:31  ›   today can mark the first day of your eternal punishment ⁺  💬  ›  🚫대일 씹새끼🚫.  ›  18:32  ›   call it a last meal of the sorts ⁺  💬  ›  🚫대일 씹새끼🚫.  ›  18:33  ›   for what you ask? ⁺  💬  ›  🚫대일 씹새끼🚫.  ›  18:33  ›   well if you can’t even figure that out ⁺  💬  ›  🚫대일 씹새끼🚫.  ›  18:34  ›   unfortunately i’m not the right person to ask  ⁺  💬  ›  🚫대일 씹새끼🚫.  ›  18:35  ›   all i’m going to say is ⁺  💬  ›  🚫대일 씹새끼🚫.  ›  18:36  ›   YOU BETTER WATCH YOUR FUCKING KNEE CAPS YOU DOUCHE

                                           ・    ・    ・

⁺  💬  ›  🚫대일 씹새끼🚫.  ›  05:10  ›   good fucking morning fuckaroo ⁺  💬  ›  🚫대일 씹새끼🚫.  ›  05:11  ›   hope you eat shit at practice ⁺  💬  ›  🚫대일 씹새끼🚫.  ›  05:11  ›   maybe then your face wouldn’t look as much of a goblin’s ass ⁺  💬  ›  🚫대일 씹새끼🚫.  ›  05:12  ›   oh wait? it’s permanently like that? ⁺  💬  ›  🚫대일 씹새끼🚫.  ›  05:15  ›   gfys 😕

                                          ・    ・    ・

⁺  💬  ›  🚫대일 씹새끼🚫.  ›  14:00  ›   놈.

                                          ・    ・    ・

⁺  💬  ›  🚫대일 씹새끼🚫.  ›  18:00  ›   i meant what i said ⁺  💬  ›  🚫대일 씹새끼🚫.  ›  18:02  ›   call it a love tap but i hope you liked getting your face shoved into the dirt

                                         ・    ・    ・

⁺  💬  ›  🚫대일 씹새끼🚫.  ›  00:00  ›   congrats you survived today, 놈.  ⁺  💬  ›  🚫대일 씹새끼🚫.  ›  00:00  ›   tomorrow is another day 

                                        ・    ・    ・

⁺  💬  ›  🚫대일 씹새끼🚫.  ›  05:00  ›   😈

You are lashing out because you’re too sensitive. Yes, I was narrow-minded for a short while. Get over it.

@mmjihye @mmjiyi ( also @mmjunsu bc hes a damn jerkish 6 y/o )

fixh - where’d u go?

jumping on the all texts train 🚂

   ●   a morning text     ━━━   ・  

⁺  💬  ›  JUST윤🖤.  ›  06:45  ›   hi, are we friends again?

   ●   a angry text     ━━━   ・  

⁺  💬  ›  🚫TIME OUT! DON’T ANSWER 🚫.  ›  19:00  ›   I’M SO FUCKING PISSED⁺  💬  ›  🚫TIME OUT! DON’T ANSWER 🚫.  ›  19:10  ›   HOW DARE THEY LOOK AT YOU LIKE THAT⁺  💬  ›  🚫TIME OUT! DON’T ANSWER 🚫.  ›  19:11  ›   i know we’re on a time-out but still how dare they what the actual fuck⁺  💬  ›  🚫TIME OUT! DON’T ANSWER 🚫.  ›  19:13  ›   ㅗㅗ

   ●   a drunk text     ━━━   ・  

⁺  📞  ›  ( 5 ) OUTGOING CALL   ›  🚫TIME OUT! DON’T ANSWER 🚫.  ›   VOICEMAIL.

                                        ・    ・    ・

⁺  💬  ›  JUST윤🖤.  ›  00:02  ›   yUN PICK UP⁺  💬  ›  JUST윤🖤.  ›  00:03  ›   TIME OUtF OVER OVEr OVER⁺  💬  ›  JUST윤🖤.  ›  00:05  ›   pls pichfk me uP im gonna baFr

   ●   a vague text     ━━━   ・  

⁺  💬  ›  🚫TIME OUT! DON’T ANSWER 🚫.  ›    am i hard to love?

   ●   a worried text     ━━━   ・

⁺  💬  ›  🚫TIME OUT! DON’T ANSWER 🚫.  ›   00:00  ›   it’s been 5 months when are you going to talk to me⁺  💬  ›  🚫TIME OUT! DON’T ANSWER 🚫.  ›   00:03  ›   i said i was sorry, yun⁺  💬  ›  🚫TIME OUT! DON’T ANSWER 🚫.  ›   00:04  ›   i didn’t mean to break your guitar⁺  💬  ›  🚫TIME OUT! DON’T ANSWER 🚫.  ›   00:06  ›   i was just mad you weren’t paying attention to me⁺  💬  ›  🚫TIME OUT! DON’T ANSWER 🚫.  ›   00:10  ›   please don’t ignore me

   ●   a text not meant for you but it’s actually for you     ━━━   ・

⁺  💬  ›  JUST윤🖤.  ›  23:01  ›   why don’t you love me?

   ●   a sassy text     ━━━   ・

⁺  💬  ›  🚫TIME OUT! DON’T ANSWER 🚫.  ›   17:00  ›   stupify the bitch and get over it

   ●   a long-winded confession text    ━━━   ・

⁺  💬  ›  JUST윤🖤.  ›  24:10  ›   do you ever just want to leave me too, yun?⁺  💬  ›  JUST윤🖤.  ›  24:10  ›   be honest⁺  💬  ›  JUST윤🖤.  ›  24:11  ›   don’t spare my feelings⁺  💬  ›  JUST윤🖤.  ›  24:12  ›   i just want to know⁺  💬  ›  JUST윤🖤.  ›  24:12  ›   is your friendship with me a burden?⁺  💬  ›  JUST윤🖤.  ›  24:13  ›   i know i can be a little much, and possessive, and overwhelming, and frustrating, and annoying, and can’t control my anger⁺  💬  ›  JUST윤🖤.  ›  24:13  ›    but …. you’re welcome to leave whenever you want⁺  💬  ›  JUST윤🖤.  ›  24:13  ›   i won’t hate you⁺  💬  ›  JUST윤🖤.  ›  24:13  ›   okay i might but …. if it sucks that much to be friends with me, you can leave too⁺  💬  ›  JUST윤🖤.  ›  24:18  ›   everyone else leaves⁺  💬  ›  JUST윤🖤.  ›  24:19  ›   it’d only be right if you followed suit⁺  💬  ›  JUST윤🖤.  ›  24:30  ›   if i were you i’d leave me too⁺  💬  ›  JUST윤🖤.  ›  24:40  ›   that’s the right choice⁺  💬  ›  JUST윤🖤.  ›  24:50  ›   you’re too good for me, yun

                                          ・    ・    ・

⁺  💬  ›  JUST윤🖤.  ›  01:00  ›   let’s take a time out

                                           ・    ・    ・

⁺  💬  ›  🚫TIME OUT! DON’T ANSWER 🚫.  ›  10:07  ›   so was i right?

   ●   a misguided advice text     ━━━   ・

⁺  💬  ›  JUST윤🖤.  ›  18:28  ›   you could just hit them over the head with your guitar⁺  💬  ›  JUST윤🖤.  ›  18:30  ›   i’ll buy you a new one

   ●   a  desperate text     ━━━   ・

⁺  📞  ›  ( 10 ) OUTGOING CALL   ›  🚫TIME OUT! DON’T ANSWER 🚫.  ›   VOICEMAIL.

                                         ・    ・    ・

⁺  💬  ›  🚫TIME OUT! DON’T ANSWER 🚫.  ›   19:50  ›   yun, please answer⁺  💬  ›  🚫TIME OUT! DON’T ANSWER 🚫.  ›   19:54  ›   i know we’re in time out but i’m just really worried⁺  💬  ›  🚫TIME OUT! DON’T ANSWER 🚫.  ›   19:55  ›   no one has heard from you in days⁺  💬  ›  🚫TIME OUT! DON’T ANSWER 🚫.  ›   19:59  ›   are you okay?

   ●   a congratulatory text     ━━━   ・

⁺  💬  ›  JUST윤🖤.  ›  10:09  ›   congrats⁺  💬  ›  JUST윤🖤.  ›  10:10  ›   i guess someone finally found a groupie they can’t shake

   ●   a  text that should have never been sent  ━━━   ・

⁺  💬  ›  🚫TIME OUT! DON’T ANSWER 🚫.  ›   24:00  ›   i love you but i guess i’m not good enough for your love, huh?

𝐒𝐇𝐄’𝐒 𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐋𝐄𝐒𝐒 𝐍𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐒 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐕𝐘 𝐁𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐇𝐒. seoul nights grow hotter despite the chill of the running air conditioner and jina awakes with a fever start. it’s a gasp, a startle, star-dusted eyes and a mumbled curse that detaches her from the realm of sleep. her dreams fizzle to an end and her memory grows hazy. what had just happened never comes to and she finds herself disoriented as the darkness of the room fills her vision. seoul skylines do nothing to faze her, lights strung behind closed windows as jina looks around her room like she’s on display. feigned surprise at the stillness, the emptiness that decorated walls and pale pinks hold stare back at her and jina feels it deepen her reality. distracted eyes glance at looming red and the time fucks with her because she has an eight o’clock divination lecture tomorrow that she’s not looking forward to, at all, and she’s headed straight for raccoon eyes the size of mars. she’s parched, not looking forward to tomorrow and there’s a dull ache somewhere in her body that she wishes not to place. a sigh falls and she’s staring at the ceiling. 

it’s bothersome, the itch in her throat grows; the ache in her body dulls and she mulls over her options before swinging dainty feet off her bed; silk following suit as she replaces sheets with the fluff of her dolce slippers. they take her away, of a hallway of closed doors and dim lights. of silence and buzzing static at a different side of the home. her destination: kitchen -- where the stars actually take her: jungmi. the other’s words are warmth personified, made to wrap her in the lushest fabrics, of a love she longs for but never fully attains. but it’s enough -- it has to be because wanting for nothing never amounts for any good: jina would know. she knows this too well. she doesn’t say much, and jina never needs to -- not with jungmi. because jungmi has good sense, she has jina’s best intentions at heart -- for jina, jungmi is her salvation and without her, she is lost. for jina, she can let all the walls and tiresome dilemmas crash to her feet and the burden of teenage adolescent angst surface. what she toils, she effortlessly drops for jungmi to pick up the pieces because for jina, jungmi was always there to fix her when everything was lost. 

when there was no one left to put her back together again. 

so she hugs her tight, when knees sink into scattered papers and her footsteps leave blind prints; falling into an embrace as she digs her head into the other’s neck and feels the tears turn in her eyes. “jihye’s back,” she whispers against flawless skin, like an omen breathed to life. she feels the words take her back to stricken voices, a slap against skin and heated tears on her cheeks; she feels them and bites back a sharp breath.

to a glance it’s utter chaos, the sprawl of books and technology, from folders, to notebooks, her recorder and work laptop. but there’s a precise measure to this chaos ( she had began at her desk across the room and slowly but surely, ran out of room ) then again, if you’re a kwak currently living within the posh kwak condo jidam shelled out for, the sight of jungmi dispersed across any surface of the apartment she feels like ( often being a broad portion of ground in any given room ) isn’t abnormal. surrounded by her proliferation of work materials, with her reading glasses that seem to come with an extra feature, as she had never put them on before without her face immediately scrunching into a serious frown. as if they were equipped with a spell to turn jungmi’s expression sour with focus. a pencil on hand for scribbling ( not a pen; she had learned that lesson, when her idly habit of chewing on the ends while thinking too hard, had burst one before ) and a tape recorder shoved into the small pocket in the front breast pocket of her t-shirt. there’s a manic kind of calm about her, a humming bird at rest, bursts of movement in between the serenity and soft hum of concentration. 

whatever sound it is that originates from the door, she doesn’t even glance up. from her near yoga-like post, bent over at the waist as she scribbles down a messy scribble of heterogeneous thoughts, something to refine later, before it can escape her tired mind. “hmm?” she hums by way of a greeting, more of a question of why someone has come for her in the first place after she had shrieked across the house like a warning bell that she was going to start working hours earlier. she doesn’t even know which sibling it is, her gaze pinpointed intently at the hangul she scratches across the page in a mess, “unnie is working on something, sorry, gimme a sec,” she explains lightly as she finishes up her sentences and stretches, unwinds her spine out, throwing the pencil as she turns towards the door with an expectant ( admittedly soft, but drained and tight ) expression, “did you come to bug me?” she teases, twice as hard when it’s @mmjina she spots and everything sisterly and warm from within her sparks like a low light ( it had only gotten stronger since the disappearance and reappearance of jihye, her appreciation for jina doubling, and then strangely, tripling ) (( at least jina wouldn’t leave her )) her eyes crinkling at the corners with a smile ( no teeth because she’s just a little too exhausted, not just the time of night but the subject matter of her assignment exacting its due ) and she manages a scrunch of her nose. 

ALL THE TEXTS (づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ

     ●   a morning text     ━━━   ・  

⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  06:45  ›   WHY DIDN’T YOU WAKE ME UP FOR PDX ASSHOLE⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  06:45  ›   ISTG IF I FIND OUT DONGPYO GOT ELIMINATED AND YOU DIDN’T TELL ME YOUR HEAD IS MINE 곽준수

     ●   a angry text     ━━━   ・  

⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  17:00  ›   야 !!!!! WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO MY MONSTA X ALBUM YOU HEADASS !!!1!⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  17:02  ›   you better fucking run 곽준수 when i find you YOUR HANDS ARE CUT OFF⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  17:02  ›   istg junsu you’re such  똥 손  🙄⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  17:02  ›   ㅗㅗ !!! ㅗㅗ !!! ㅗㅗ !!!

     ●   a drunk text     ━━━   ・  

⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  00:02  ›   i love my hair⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  00:03  ›   it’s so fkcn shiny⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  00:05  ›   pls lsafove my hair 2 junkso

      a vague text    

⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  00:01  ›   please don’t hate me too

     ●   a worried text     ━━━   ・

⁺  📞  ›  ( 3 ) OUTGOING CALL   ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  VOICEMAIL.

                                            ・    ・    ・

⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  17:00  ›   if you don’t answer the phone right now istg junsu⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  17:05  ›   i’m not worried⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  17:06  ›   i just don’t want to be blamed for the dead body that comes up from the pond near our place

     ●   a text not meant for you     ━━━   ・

⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  00:01  ›   i’m so fuckin sore, i’m never letting you do that to me ever again⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  00:10  ›   ….⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  00:11  ›   junsu⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  00:15  ›   it’s your fault you texted me right at this moment

     ●   a sassy text     ━━━   ・

⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  15:27  ›   i’d agree with you if that wasn’t just the dumbest thing you ever said

     ●   a long-winded confession text    ━━━   ・

⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  24:10  ›   you know sometimes i still think about when we were kids and you said you wished @mmjiyi​ was your sister instead of me⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  24:10  ›   it’s so stupid because you were so young and probably didn’t mean it⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  24:11  ›   but it fucking hurt so much junsu⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  24:12  ›   she left because she didn’t give a SHIT about me, junsu why can’t you understand that ⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  24:12  ›   and the fact that you said that afterwards, it just made me think you don’t care about me either⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  24:13  ›   it’s not true, it’s not true, it’s not true⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  24:13  ›   i know it isn’t⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  24:13  ›   but what if it is⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  24:18  ›   everyone hates me and i want to change i want to change so fucking much but i can’t i can’t do it⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  24:19  ›   it’s too late everyone hates me and they’ll continue hating me⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  24:30  ›   you hate me too, right?⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  24:50  ›   i’m fucking crying in my room don’t fucking come in here⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  24:51  ›   i don’t want to see you right now ok.

                                             ・    ・    ・

⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  06:30  ›   forget all the texts i sent last night⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  06:31  ›   it was stupid

     ●   a misguided advice text     ━━━   ・

⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  18:28  ›   when in doubt, say it with me: fuck you too

     ●   a  desperate text     ━━━   ・

⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  19:59  ›   야 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  20:00  ›   where the fuck are you !!!!⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  20:05  ›   kwak ji dam is coming home and i’m the only one here⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  20:06  ›   I AM NOT GOING TO BE ALONE WITH HER⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  20:08  ›   YOU BETTER COME THE FUCK HOME RIGHT NOW IF YOU STILL WANT TO LIVE YOU JERK

     ●   a congratulatory text     ━━━   ・

⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  12:05  ›   waterboy?

     ●   a  text that should have never been sent    ━━━   ・

⁺  💬  ›  💩손IDIOT.  ›  15:56  ›   fuck off junsu, you didn’t have the fucking right

some Angsty texts pls... n maybe a 2009 one :^)

 ●   a angry text     ━━━   ・  

⁺  💬  ›  🚫JIYI쓰레기🚫.  ›  21:59  ›   YOU KNOW WHAT FUCK YOU WON JIYI⁺  💬  ›  🚫JIYI쓰레기🚫.  ›  22:00  ›   ALL YOU DO IS FUCKING TAKE AND NEVER LEAVE ANYTHING FOR THE REST OF US⁺  💬  ›  🚫JIYI쓰레기🚫.  ›  22:02  ›   i hope you choke on your princess reputation⁺  💬  ›  🚫JIYI쓰레기🚫.  ›  22:03  ›   it’s as fake as you, barbie doll

 ●   a drunk text     ━━━   ・  

⁺  💬  ›  🚫JIYI쓰레기🚫.  ›  00:52  ›   do yon ever tnkink abou t huw we wer bxsts frienaas⁺  💬  ›  🚫JIYI쓰레기🚫.  ›  00:54  ›   i fucsnking dont you ‘ er a waste of time and Spaxce⁺  💬  ›  🚫JIYI쓰레기🚫.  ›  00:55  ›   존못

  a vague text    

⁺  💬  ›  🚫JIYI쓰레기🚫.  ›  23:59  ›   did you even give a shit about me?

 ●   a text not meant for you     ━━━   ・

⁺  💬  ›  🚫JIYI쓰레기🚫.  ›  00:01  ›   you mean so much to me⁺  💬  ›  🚫JIYI쓰레기🚫.  ›  00:01  ›   i love you

 ●   a sassy text     ━━━   ・

⁺  💬  ›  🚫JIYI쓰레기🚫.  ›  15:27  ›   wow can you be any more plastic?⁺  💬  ›  🚫JIYI쓰레기🚫.  ›  15:29  ›   mother nature just called, she wants you to know you’re fucking up the environment

 ●   a long-winded confession text    ━━━   ・

⁺  💬  ›  🚫JIYI쓰레기🚫.  ›  00:10  ›   how the fuck can you walk around like you didn’t just fucking throw me away like trash⁺  💬  ›  🚫JIYI쓰레기🚫.  ›  00:10  ›   i hate your fucking guts⁺  💬  ›  🚫JIYI쓰레기🚫.  ›  00:10  ›   it’s not fucking fair that you thought our friendship was expendable but everyone else was somehow above me?⁺  💬  ›  🚫JIYI쓰레기🚫.  ›  00:10  ›   the first person i thought was my best friend and she fucking does that shit⁺  💬  ›  🚫JIYI쓰레기🚫.  ›  00:10  ›   really fucks with a nine year old’s mind⁺  💬  ›  🚫JIYI쓰레기🚫.  ›  00:10  ›   that’s just who you are tho, right?⁺  💬  ›  🚫JIYI쓰레기🚫.  ›  00:10  ›   you fucking use people jiyi⁺  💬  ›  🚫JIYI쓰레기🚫.  ›  00:10  ›   you think i’m a fucking manipulative bitch?⁺  💬  ›  🚫JIYI쓰레기🚫.  ›  00:10  ›   well look in the fucking mirror princess, you’re not as shiny as you think

 ●   a misguided advice text     ━━━   ・

⁺  💬  ›  🚫JIYI쓰레기🚫.  ›  19:12  ›   why don’t you just go obliviate yourself?

 ●   a  desperate text     ━━━   ・ CIRCA. 2009

⁺  💬  ›  💕💕지이.  ›  12:13  ›   hey jiyi, 어머니 said you can come over today!⁺  💬  ›  💕💕지이.  ›  12:15  ›   what time do you want to come over?⁺  💬  ›  💕💕지이.  ›  12:50  ›   jiyi?⁺  💬  ›  💕💕지이.  ›  13:01  ›   hellooooo ~ jiyi ~⁺  💬  ›  💕💕지이.  ›  13:30  ›   jiyi?

                                         ・    ・    ・

⁺  💬  ›  💕💕지이.  ›  16:01  ›   jiyi?

                                          ・    ・    ・

⁺  💬  ›  💕💕지이.  ›  15:35  ›   jiyi please tell me what i did wrong⁺  💬  ›  💕💕지이.  ›  15:36  ›   i don’t understand⁺  💬  ›  💕💕지이.  ›  15:40  ›   please tell me so i can fix it⁺  💬  ›  💕💕지이.  ›  15:41  ›   we can still be friends please tell me what i can do⁺  💬  ›  💕💕지이.  ›  15:43  ›   i thought we were best friends!⁺  💬  ›  💕💕지이.  ›  15:45  ›   is my mom really that bad of a person?⁺  💬  ›  💕💕지이.  ›  15:46  ›   please talk to me⁺  💬  ›  💕💕지이.  ›  15:48  ›   you’re my best friend⁺  💬  ›  💕💕지이.  ›  15:53  ›   do you not care about me?⁺  💬  ›  💕💕지이.  ›  15:54  ›   is there something wrong with me?

                                         ・    ・    ・

⁺  💬  ›  💕💕지이.  ›  18:58  ›   do you not like me anymore?

 ●   a congratulatory text     ━━━   ・

⁺  💬  ›  🚫JIYI쓰레기🚫.  ›  02:15  ›   congratu-fucking-lations on being the shittiest person with no opinion whatsoever 10 years later

 ●   a  text that should have never been sent ━━━   ・

⁺  💬  ›  🚫JIYI쓰레기🚫.  ›  23:04  ›   can’t you ever think for yourself, jiyi?

ONLY FOOLS FALL

a person who acts unwisely under the guise of a love potion ; we don’t call it love. see also: jina and @mmgyul, the annual yosul commencement party, amidst confusing, tormented hearts. 

𝐒𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄𝐒, 𝐉𝐈𝐍𝐀 𝐖𝐈𝐒𝐇𝐄𝐃 𝐒𝐇𝐄 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐄𝐃 𝐋𝐄𝐒𝐒. maybe it wouldn’t hurt when she notices the way his eyes are never on hers and the realization strikes her faster than cold water on a monday morning. she never had a chance, did she? she wants him to look at her, see her -- please. the words are deaf on the lips because jina never begs, but her heart bleeds in consequence. the flowers in her lungs once so full in bloom, vibrant and lovely quickly wilt, and she wants to breathe -- cough, feel the air slither it’s way into her chest rather than the way they shrivel up. locking her breath and keeping her entertained with the disillusion that this wasn’t true. but she can’t -- she feels them crush into her windpipe and all she feels is daffodils, roses and lilies, discontempt, devastation and frustration. 

her eyes are hearts, heavily so, eclipsed onto him and he can’t seem to see her. why won’t he see her? these feelings are too familiar, they grow fangs and sink into the very cracks she had thought she had successfully glued together. but jina, oh jina, she never learns. 

a girl of nineteen, she doesn’t know love.

she can’t seem to get her bearings together ; they’re powerful and her heart aches, painful -- the cracks appear again. faster this time, undoing months of forgetting, of pretending; they break where they once lay, deeper, and deeper and the flowers in her lungs die. why so? because he doesn’t say the words he once had said.

instead, “hold that thought, i’ll be right back” is spoken into the void and jina lets him. she lets him slip through her fingers like all those times because her eyes are full of broken hearts and she doesn’t have it in her to stop him. it hurts, but she pretends it doesn’t.

pretending is fine, it saves her the heartbreak. because no, he wasn’t going to do this to her again, was he? ( he has, he will, he can’t stop but jina doesn’t want to end this so soon -- this soon -- they just reconciled )

memories of when she first confessed flood and she feels the gash in her heart tear just a bit more as fingers wind into small fists. the wound is stale, dried blood rounds the corners and all yun has to do is dip dainty little fingers in and pull, for everything to come apart. perhaps, months apart did nothing to cure the heartache, she fears. it’s secured when he reaches his target and she has to force a breath because the flowers are too much, they’re ashes instead of air and she’s coughing up death; in the midst, her heart constricts.

time stills and she rarely notices the way hangyul comes and never leaves; acknowledgement falls flat because all jina can see is what she doesn’t believe. 

jina thinks if she blinks it won’t hurt. she thinks if her eyes close for just a second, that it isn’t real -- that reality is far more kinder than her nightmares, than dreams could ever be. but through glass eyes, all she sees is the way he’s falling into her and jina can’t look away.

was this love? 

BUDDING PARALLELS

similar but not quite the same, virtually so; but frankly, not enough. see also: jina and @mmyuanlan before the peace treaty, the glo-up, and insert the manic one on one competition between the two smartest girls in their cohort. CIRCA 2017

𝐀𝐓 𝐒𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐄𝐍, you want to be better than the rest. 

you read books until they’re practically imprinted in your mind. you close your eyes and your mind still runs a mile a minute, keep up, keep up -- they taunt you. you’re to be the best, not ahead of the curve, you are the curve. self-awareness is second to self-egos; pampered and bruised. tossed to wolves and torn apart all for the sake of an outstanding academic reputation. the next day, it will begin again.

it’s a repetitive cycle, the slate is never clean, it’s darkened with blood and sweat and tears jina never cries because her eyes are bloodshot and her smile is strained. but she raises her hand high, shoulder brush, maybe a little too passive-aggressively against another’s. she doesn’t spare the slightest glance backwards as her name is spoken like a spell, like it’s obvious that she would be the first to come up with the answer. 

like it’s expected, because she was kwak jina. 

this was her reputation. untainted by her mother’s crimes, unhindered by the legacies her sisters unravel: no -- kwak jina is unlike her sisters before her. she is not serious, she is not fun personified; she’s not a breath of fresh air nor does she excel at escapism. 

she’s haughty, possessive, temperamental and withers at the lack of attention. above all, she is an egoist. she wants to be the best, second in line had never been her frame of work nor would she bow down to someone like -- she blinks, smile ripe against bright teeth -- someone like yuanlan. the name rolls off her tongue as she stares at the list of students, written off by examination scores and paired like cattle for their latest DADA practicum. unlike last time, perhaps the advantage had been lost.

because right next to yuanlan’s was her own -- she bites back a groan, heavily feeling her eyes roll to the back of her head as she turns to stare the other down, arms crossed before she makes up her mind and makes the first move. “it appears,” she breathes through her nose, trying to calm the flares of annoyance already prickling at the back of her neck. “the professor thought it was wise to pair us up for today’s practicum.” her tone is flat, a declaration of if you fuck this up -- i’ll fuck you up whispered between unwritten lines. 

send a symbol - get the following from my muse ;