Fucking Gotem Lmao

I get so quickly and stupidly attached to inanimate objects. like, I used to work a custodial job where one of the buckets we used said "P.P." on it for some reason. loved that bucket like a child. tore me up inside to use any other bucket

my sweet P.P. bucket I miss you

me: I gotta get up early so it's super important I get good sleep tonight

brain: i-important?? that's scary! too much pressure! noooo we should stay up watching youtube with steadily growing anxiety instead!

y'all can we bring back the public execution? like hanging in the town square

not for anyone else, just for me

and not for any crime, just cause that's how I wanna go out

was walking in the woods, saw this chip bag stuck to the rocks in the river (creek?). so I subjected myself to the worst sensory experience known to man and took off my shoes to wade over slimy ass river (creek?) rocks to fish it out. almost slipped like 8 times, but we did it. consider the environment saved guys

me: *peeling potatoes in the sink*

my ancestors: ah, some things never change :)

me: *turns on garbage disposal*

my ancestors: D:

my top 10 favorite (funniest) emojis (on an android/Samsung phone)

10. 😀

lowkey looks traumatized. homie just got told something awful and is still in shock.

9. 😦

previous entry a few moments later

8. 😔

very pitiable shame. like a dog that ripped up the couch. perfect for when someone is mad at me

7. 🤔

hermmmm. usually follows a conspiracy theory

6. 🙂

head empty. or, possibly, full of quiet evil

5. 😏

heh, nothin' personal kid

4. 🤨

3. 🤥

says so much with so little

a liar. but he seems very disappointed in himself

2. 🥸

great for texting incognito. "that message couldn't have come from me, that guy looks nothing like me!"

honorable mention: 😗

was gonna kiss you, but then you said that and now I'm not sure

1. 😱

nothing I will ever text anyone is worthy of the sincere horror seen here. "what if they're out of carrots 😱" unparalleled drama. best read with a loud gasp.

it's that time of night everyone! time to sort thru memories from the day and file them away as either normal or horrendously embarrassing

aaaannnd don't wanna spoil anything but let's just say the normal folder is gonna be pretty fucking thin

Right click -> save as -> ancient curse

yo check this out. Alexa, cure cancer

Alexa-

was recently told I giggle in my sleep. lowkey pisses me off cause the only dreams I ever remember having are nightmares so idk what the fuck asleep-me has to be laughing about