Why Is Your Orange

had a dream that started out kind of sexy and for a number of irrelevant dream-state reasons involved my having to explain to a partner that i didn't want to suck on his titties. i think it was supposed to turn into an anxiety dream about having to negotiate sexual boundaries but instead he smiled and, very sympathetic, told me "of course - i know you're a freudian, i'm sorry that didn't occur to me," sort of saying he should have remembered how i felt about oral fixations, and then the rest of the dream was me trying with increasing desperation to convince him that i was not a freudian and he just laughed and laughed, like i was being sort of foolish and silly, and said he knew how i really felt, and didn't my unconscious mind reveal the truth about me, and so on. and by then i was so distressed that i was yelling at him in the dream - not that i actually fully realized i was dreaming - and shouted "dream interpretation is a crock of shit!" with such force that it woke me up.

I’ve always wanted to go to a house party like you see in movies but I never found out about any. Was too busy in the monastery where I was trained to kill

The post: They should invent a robot that feel pain so that we can make it feel pain forever and thus absolve humanity of sins like some sort of horrible mechanized Jesus

The comments: This happened to my buddy Brian once

Deep sea fish: Today I will eat a shrimp

insane men covered in blood. you agree. reblog.

this is an artistic rendition of my irrational fear of a head that attacks only under the cover of the very loud toilet flush in the scary top floor bathroom at the hospital and how i exited the bathroom when i decided to flush and run as opposed to my normal method of flushing and putting my back to a wall

cats are a stuff animal that can love you back and also bite you. extremely awrsome

evil wizard how do i use tumblr im new

believe everything you see unless you disagree with it; in that case, misinterpret it in a way that no logical person could have predicted and accuse the op of being a fascist. this applies double to children’s cartoons. good luck 💖✨

Great vampire fact from the Castlevania Anniversary Collection

they’re changing the desktop background on all government workers computers to a picture of my bright smiling happy face to increase productivity