Why Are They Censoring Masturbate Like That This Isn’t Tiktok. MASTURBATE. JERK OFF. WHACK IT. FUCK.

[two tumblr soldiers bleeding out on the internet frontlines]

“heh… remember strawbebby…. And ranibow spramkle… always made me laugh”

“Don’t talk like that man. We’re gonna get out of here i prommy.” [mortar fire sails overhead and land nearby] “christ its like a childrens hospital out there”

[through shallow breaths] “I always loved…… the color of the sky…………”

End scene

diet culture people make me feel like i’m going crazy. you want me to take an experimental pill that destroys my appetite?? you want me to remove part of my stomach??? you want me to stop eating bread and rice, two of the staple foods most inherent to humanity????? why exactly? because my stomach is big? because you don’t like the way i look, and you think it’s reasonable to tell me to carve pieces off of myself and try random drugs and ruin my own life so i can look more visually pleasing to you? and you somehow don’t see how absurdly cruel and selfish that is to ask of somebody???? while pretending you care about their HEALTH????????????????? FUCK YOU!!!!

caving expedition in the body of a fallen angel

Gotta respect the Russian language for having cutesy diminutives that somehow take twice as long to say as the proper names they’re based on.

I love watching documentaries about amusement park accidents because all of the park officials are saying, "Oh, dear god, none of us could have anticipated that the roller coaster car would detach, this is a freak accident, an act of god!" and then the narrator is like "The Dicktwister 9000 was a known safety hazard and rabies vector since its inception. It was designed by disgraced Cirque du Soleil clown John Roosters, who had never seen a math textbook."

“It's just a small handful of ibuprofen, and it will help the words fade away."

man whose body is possessed by the spirits of a vampire and an italian respectively. italian takes over, goes to mass, eats garlic, and has a nice day in the sun. vampire takes over and is like “wow why do i feel like shit”

People who call u without warning for non serious reasons are so scary like if you call me without texting me first im fully assuming you’re in a saw trap or something

artists fuck better because we turn sex into art, masterpieces, mattresses become canvases where we can paint our love to someone with bodies.

he is shitty and a danger to society but i love him so pls don't be mean to him he is just babygirl you gotta trust me you don't know him like i do he is baby i promise