I Wish Women Were Real, That Would Be Nice.

i told my friend the other day that i used to read senshi's dialogue in a scottish accent and they said that they sometimes picture chilchuck as irish. had to draw it

🔥🦄

Chip has moved in the shadows his entire life almost, he only stood out when he wanted to- when he knew he needed to.

Because he's a thief first and foremost, a bastard, with silent footsteps and the ability to dodge impossibly- to avoid and sneak past at every turn.

But when Jay and Gillion entered the scene, that changed.

When he looks at them he must admit he shines a little brighter, grins a little wider, stands a little taller- but it's not just that... Jay and Gillion are the sun and the moon, and when they turn to look at him, no matter how he tries to hide, to blend in to his surroundings, they always find him. Left, right and centre.

And it makes him feel vulnerable. But it makes him feel seen.

It's a terrifying feeling, having those eyes pierce through him and skewer him right through the middle. The one defense measure he's used his whole life, the thing that's kept him alive all this time- stolen away from him in the blink of an eye, in the turn of a head and the shine of a smile.

Yes, it feels a little bit like dying- but doesn't it also feel a little like love?

For the first time since he was taken on board and given a family, a sister; all of who were torn away from him, he is being looked at like a living, breathing, feeling thing.

Like running out onto the sunlit deck with not a fear in the world, like watching moonlight glimmer on the ocean and hoping to one day swim down there and feel it, like defeating his sister in their play battle and reigning victorious, King of the overseas, King of it all.

That feeling is distant to him now, hidden from the sun for so many years, staying far away from the chill of moonlit waters. All this time, it's felt unfair to him to know that he is alive when they are not. So he avoids sensation, avoids the gold and silver the world offers him freely.

Until he find the gold of a girl he can't help but run with, the silver of a boy who's hand is cool in his, as he helps him breach the surface of the swaying ocean.

Jay drags him out onto the sunny deck to spar, to dance, to laugh and navigate their course together.

Gillion grabs his hand and pulls him down into the cold midnight waters, pulling him through glimmering waves and showing him even more beautiful things he's never seen underneath it all.

Sometimes he wonders, when he sees Gillion pray or Jay drift, when their eyes begin to glow and magic seems to spill from their lips, seeping out of the corners of their mouth, if their goddesses ever missed him- if they ever noticed his absence, or more prominently, his return.

I cant stop thinking about them :'( 🩷🩷✨✨ drew my human designs for a wee change of pace uvu

Something just occured to me. Circling through each beautiful moment in the campaign, I noticed a pattern. Gillion never initiates hugs. Every time, no matter if he is the one consoling or the one being consoled, he never is the first person to offer an embrace. And I think it says something.

When Jay wants to hug Gill, she always asks first. She opens her arms as an invitation and always gives him a clear sign that she wants to be close to him. And any time she offers, anytime Gillion gets permission, any time he feels like he is allowed one, he clings to her desperately and fully, starved for it, finding himself unable to let go too quickly, savoring it like he isn't sure when he is going to be allowed to have another.

Chip's hugs are unprompted and usually done with just as much desperation. They are completely controlled by emotion, and are a form of a language that Chip uses when love and appreciation cannot be expressed by words anymore. Chip never asks for hugs, he takes them. He needs them, so he is scared to ask like Jay does, cause asking means risking to be denied. It is safer to steal it. In contrast Jay is still asking cause she is still afraid of taking love for granted.

But they both, in the end, ask for hugs and comfort in their own ways. Gillion doesn't. He wants it, he needs it so often, but he never dares to ask for it. Cause he still treats love as a reward that he needs to earn, that he is not allowed to ask for, that can't be had, unless he does something that makes him worthy of being loved. Affection and love is a currency and Gill was taught that he needs to fight for it. That it's something he should never dare to request on his own.

How many times on their journey did he need to feel someone else's body close to his, but his lips were sealed, suffering in silence, thinking he Has not done well enough to be given the privalage of being comforted? How many aches and worries did he swallow down and burried deep inside? How many old wounds is he trying to fill with every single hug he receives, when someone else offers it to him? When he dares to take it, when he grips their clothes in an iron grip, trying to make the best out of it before it's gone? Cause who knows when someone allows him to have that again?

The only person Gill ever hugged first was Edyn, the first time in Allport. It was done with the same ferocity of a hurt child, of a little boy who Has been going through hell and his sister is his only remedy. The only person that always lets him have love for free. The only one he knows he can hug for sure. One who for so many years has been the only source of comfort.

The rest of the world is uncertain and even with Chip and Jay, Gill still strives to fulfill the unsaid cryteria of when he is worthy of their affection.

But I know that with enough reassurance and care, he will be able to ask for love himself and start treating his crew as people he can fall back on. And just so you know, the moment in which Gillion is the first one to hug Chip or Jay is going to make me cry like a little baby.

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Edit: more thoughts occured

Did you notice that Jay always seems to match Gill and Chip when it comes to hugging? She never asks Chip for hugs and takes them the same way Chip does, no matter if she is the one seeking or offering comfort. And the same goes with Gill. Regardless of whether she is the one in the need of comfort or she is the one comforting, she always verbally communicates a desire to hug first. Like she kinda feels that this is what Gillion needs from her to accept it.

So maybe Jay is actually always trying to search for the most effective way to get a hug, to increase her chances. She believes she has to, cause she cannot take love for granted anymore, not after Ava's death. She took her for granted and now she is gone. So now Jay struggles to freely express her own desires and instead clings to all the ways that she thinks guarantee her the affection she needs, an act of desperation in its own right. A silent plea for acceptance.

Each Captain on this ship treats each embrace as a treasure to savor and protect. It's a result of their past and their fears, but also a proof of unyielding love they have for each other. It's beautiful and one day the same love that they still dread to take, will heal them.