Guys, I'm Sick Rn And Don't Know What To Do With Myself So I Could Try Getting Back To Writing?? Would

absolutely valid

im kicking my roommate out, hes drinking flavoured water with a spoon like its cereal what the fuck

PLEASE MORE PLEASE 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

—- dilf next door. ft ted nivison. ᝰ

summary: after months you finally have a next-door neighbour again! you weren't expecting it to be a recentlly divorced dilf, though. turns out you have quite the effect on him. explains why he's jerking off to you from the window.

— tags: smut/pwp, dilf!ted, ted is a perv, masturbation, light dirty talk, objectifcation,

authors note: you guys said you'd be interested in dilf ted, so here you go!! still just some headcanons for now, but i tried to make it a lil longer as a treat. hope you all enjoy, and don't forget to lmk your thoughts! ໒꒰ྀི ╹ ˕╹ ꒱ྀིა

it started off as something simple and innocent

recently someone had moved next door to you, which was great! you hadn't had a next-door neighbour in months now

you had baked cookies for them, a small welcoming gift from yourself, and so you could let them know you were just next door if you were needed

and as soon as the door opened—

oh. he was fucking handsome

he was tall— over a head taller than you anyways— glasses slightly askew, fluffy brown hair and a grown out moustache to round it all off

he leaned against the doorframe with a surprised expression, sweet smile on his face

"oh? these are for me?" he asks after a moment of silence, eyeing the cookies

however you were holding them at your chest, so you couldn't tell where he was looking

(it was absolutely at your chest)

you finally stutter out a response, a small "oh! yes— yes, they're for you!" as you hand over the tray, as well as letting him know you're next door if he ever needs you

you watch as his eyes quickly trail your frame, before his smile grows and he gives you a wink

"appreciate it, thank you," he nods, and the conversation is quickly over

he seemed sweet enough, if you ignore the fact you couldn't tell he was looking at your tits

but it's fine, you tell yourself. you're just overthinking

you were, in fact, not overthinking

ted watches as you walk back to your house, eyes lingering on your hips as they sway back and forth

the rest of the night, he's left thinking about what it'd be like to hold your soft sides as he pounds into you

but whoa, hey

he's getting ahead of himself, but he passes it off as divorce blues. said divorce blues just being fucking horny

couldn't give a shit about his ex, not after how she treated him, and how she lied to their kids

anyways.

ted has a morning routine, where the first thing he does is go to the kitchen and make a cup of coffee. something he had done for years

usually he'd just read the morning paper, or have a scroll on his phone, which he did do after the move

so now it had been a couple of weeks since he had moved in, and he was still in his routine

but this morning, when he was walking by to sit at the coffee table, something outside caught his eye

he took a few steps back, peering through the kitchen window to see what it was

lo and behold— it was you, wearing skimpy shorts and a tank top as you tended to your overgrown garden

at first he was watching out of genuine interest of what you were doing, but slowly and surely, it stemmed into something else

watching as you bent over to water the flowers that were still living, your shorts barely able to contain your soft ass

or when you reached over to grab a hanging plant, pushing your chest out as your tits were spilling over your little tank top

ted feels his boxers tightening, a small fuck escaping his lips as he let out a low chuckle to himself

ted's glasses slip down his nose as he leans closer to the window, trying to get a better view and the laughable excuse of clothing that you've currently got on

his free hand wanders lower, disappearing under the waistband of his sweats and moves into his boxers, gripping his throbbing cock as his eyes stay trained on your figure

his coffee is long forgotten, as he lets his fingers stroke slow, teasing movements along himself as he watches you stretch, reacj and bend

"keep doing that, sweetheart. just like that... fuck, you don't even know how hard you make me," he whispers to himself, filth falling from his lips at a rapid pace as he stares

you do a stretch as you stand up, and the view ted has is breathtaking, to the point he knows he won't last if he keeps staring

he rests his head against the window with a thud, letting out a deep groan as he shuts his eyes momentarily

when he's ready, he lifts his head back up and—

oh

oh fuck. you're staring right at him with a confused face

you mouth a "you okay?" to him, tilting your head as you do so

of course you'd hear the fucking thud his head made

ted's eyes widen for a second, as he's almost been caught red-handed. however, his lips curve into a slow, devilish smirk.

he doesn't move, rather, he grabs his coffee cup from the side, and just nods and raises it to you, mouthing a "perfect" to you

as he does this, his hand is still palming and stroking his cock, the fact you're so innocent to his perverted actions turning him on even more

you just smile and nod at him, going back to your gardening and letting ted get a nice view of your ass again in the meantime

his tongue swipes over his bottom lip, jerking himself off faster as he can feel himself getting closer to the edge

the images in his head of him bending you over and fucking you, forcing you on your knees to take his cock— everything he imagines just pushes him closer to the edge and relief he's chasing

and it's not long until ted is cumming in his boxers, moaning loudly as he rests his forehead against his arm, biting his lip as he tries to shut himself up

he's bucking into his hand, feeling the hot cum spurt over it while he pants heavily at the orgasm that washes over him

it takes him a while to recover, and he just stands there for a bit, regaining his composure and trying to catch his breath

but one thing is for sure

this is part of his routine now.

I love you slimecicle-undates please don't go bald 🙏🙏🙏

Charlie Slimecicle is eating my curtain rod!

I don't want it the second time 😭😭😭 /srs

rape

I dont think that's him 🤔

Racist character of today:

Angel Dust from "Hazbin Hotel"

Tess you're as silly as you're freaky which is a LOT /lh

CHAT THE HEALTHCARE ROBOT CHARLIE FIC IS DONE!!! WHO CHEERED!!!!!

I’LL POST IT AFTER I DRAW MY VISION FOR HIM 🫡🫡🫡🫡🫡🫡🫡🫡

Truer words have never been spoken ❗❗❗❗❗

✋😍✋

Ahem *taps mic* hey uhh.... is this thing on? *mic screech*

2022 long-haired Schlatt was peak.

*standing ovation*

Hell yeah (I dropped like a zipbomb 😍😍)

alright who's gonna be my valentine?

Not only is this great advice for everyone but you mentioned me??? 🥹🥹🥹 Jamie come ere let me give you a sloppy one /plat 💙💙💙💙💙

I beg of you to bestow your writing knowledge upon my weak shoulders. I desperately need it

Teach me your ways, oh Wise One™

stop fleur this is so cute (have you ever seen harry potter?? there's this french chick with the same name as you)

and of course !! not you boosting my ego with the wise one comment ☺️ hehe

idk about "weak shoulders" i actually love your stuff + kinda lurk your profile (i've been reading your stuff since jschlatt imagines twitch couple edition, the one where he says 'give me ur hat back bitch'. i giggled to that once or thrice)

okay yeah so about the writing part! gonna be 100% honest with you here girl...

this account is my slop writing. besides the year you died (shameless plug) most of my posts are written in under 10 minutes, because i get random spurts of motivation + i'm a fast typer.

but when i actually write, like for poetry competitions + writing for myself? my advice is...

really know the character you're writing for

look, we all write out of character schlatt sometimes okay. do i really think that schlatt would harass a poor deli worker to talk about how hot you are and or steal charlie slimecicle's dorky girlfriend?? no, obviously. but i try to embody his accent + his online persona so it's easier to imagine him actually doing that, you know?

just do it.

sometimes my writing is shit! but at least it's released. someone out there one day will write something that hits YOU in the feels, and that could be you, no matter what you right! for me that's my lovely moot @melrambles (not to glaze but that's my boy)

girl, you're ALREADY a good writer!

as i said, i've kept up with your stuff, and your stuff is a little different than mine (i feel like yours is more long form thought out where mine is more aesthetic snippy little fics), but nevertheless you are an amazing writer and i patiently wait for your fics to come out as incredibly early (or late depending on how you look at it!) christmas presents.

so yeah that was my yap sesh. here is my advice, put onto your strong and beautiful shoulders 💞