"look For The Perfect Person Who Completes Your Puzzle. Albeit, Look For One Who Compliments You Rather

What Would They Do?

i tend to wonder what people would do once im gone.

would they cry?

would they be angry?

would they feel no remorse?

would they feel absolutely nothing?

i cannot say, but i hope they don't cry. if they were to shed a tear i, myself, would hurt despite not being here. i would hope they mourn me, but in their own ways like humans do.

on another note, i often hoped something bad would happen to me just so that i could feel some sort of attention. i have much of it, yet at the same time i feel like im invisible.

~ m.n.

Anger

i always wondered what i deserved to feel the wrath or plague of an angry person; for worse, an angry parent. to see a parent spout indecencies when a minor inconvenience happens just makes me glad of the patience i harbor. the constant

"why does everything bad happen to me?"

makes me sit in silence as the world around me spins and yells.

i have more to say, but not the words to explain it.

~ m.n.

Unworthy

i always feel as though my feelings are invalid because "someone has it worse." such words made be become reserved rather than outspoken. how does one critique and determine the worth of another's experiences? everyone's experiences are different, thus making us human.

yet... i am unable to sob at a minor inconvenience because simply there is no worth behind my emotions. being unable to express true raw emotions keeps me chained within the box of expectations that i cannot withstand.

why must parents always challenge what we go through what they went through? all experiences have their own worth, but when mine is put up against theirs.. suddenly mine becomes unworthy of such emotions.

"i'll give you something to cry about."

"why are you crying? back in my day..."

is there anything else im forgetting?

~ m.n.

Depression

my father suffers from depression, as do i. we cope differently, yet he seems to think otherwise. frolicking within the greens of earth isn't something i dream to do. i stare outside my window at the falling frozen h2o molecules. i like remaining inside, the comfort of my room, where i know it's a safe haven. my blankets drowning my sorrows as my chest rises and falls for hours at a time. when will be the next time i am peeled away from my resting place?

i say the four walls that structure my sanctuary is my special place. it is safe. my parents nod, trying their best to say they understand. yet i can hear their thoughts since they flow out of their mouth like a river.

"you should try coming out of your bed more. you'll feel better."

i won't feel better. i'll never feel better. depression is eternal and only a facade will help myself to pretend it has left the husk of my body.

summers pass by like a rest placed onto a sheet of music paper. my fingers dance around on the piano keys just as i do with avoiding the unhidden truths. i choke back the burning sensation within my throat. what is my worth?

~ m.n.

Happy Holidays 🎄🎁

i hope you all have a wonderful holiday today, whether you celebrate something or not !

~ m.n.

My Dear

she and i are artists. we may never feel the same page of paper or draw the same stroke, but we are two halves bound together.

i do not know her name. i only know the name she wishes to be called and i am fine with it so.

"i've decided to romanticise hands. i refuse to feel such disgust, allowing my world to rot."

she had shown me one of her enlightening drawings. her work never ceased to amaze me.

her words flowed like a river, forming into an edible desire i craved. the way she spoke lured me in. her thoughts, desires, morals i wanted to hear them all. they were a sustainable fuel.

"very beautifully said."

my voice said aloud as her eyes bore into mine. the way her eyes looked into mine was intangible; every fiber of my being was being strangled to its end.

her angelic voice was music to my ears. it was like a heavenly rainfall after a year long drought. something one yearns to hear.

"you're very beautifully born."

as she spoke i felt my body stiffen. i still couldn't understand what she saw within me. she was a dear. she was a splendid gut wrenching feeling. she was the reason i could smile, my reason i still have feeling at the tips of my fingers.

i never understood what she saw in me. she was too considerate, too loving, i soaked all of it in like a sponge. she was... is a darling friend. the kindling that starts the fire.

~ m.n.

Diary

i stare at the empty pages. i wonder what i'm supposed to write. what i can write. i scroll through my experiences within my head. albeit, none of them sound good enough to be put on paper. i weave the pen in a dance across the pages jn my diary. i'm not sure if the words make sense or not, but they are there to stay.

i buy diaries, yet only write a few passages every so often. i feel that my words are far more secure within the locked security of my own phone.. or rather my own head.

i started writing because i was done being silent within my own head.

~ m.n.

i hate how i can write drabbles and small tidbits for days, but once it comes to actually writing a full-fledged chapter for a fic it feels forced n ends up sounding like a sad song on a forgotten instrument.

~ m.n.

Words/Phrases You Probably Didn't Know About

hi hi ! hello dears, it's been a while but i've decided to put together a list of words or phrases that you most likely didn't know as well as their definitions !

have fun writing and please let me know if you wish for a pt. 2 !

~ m.n.

accismus (n) - pretending to be disinterested in something when you actually want it.

ala rasi - an Arabic phrase that roughly translates to "anything for you."

anomia (n) - a brain disorder that makes it hard to remember the names of people and objects.

balter (v) - to dance or tread clumsily.

clinomania (n) - the persistent desire to stay in bed, even when there are other responsibilities.

constult (v) - to act stupidly together.

defenestrate (v) - throw (someone) out of a window.

draconian (adj) - something that is excessively harsh and severe.

eglaf (n) - a word that has no meaning and can be used in place of any other word.

ephemeral (adj) – lasting for a very short time.

fabulist (n) - a liar, especially a person who invents elaborate, dishonest stories.

gheegle (n) - the urge to squeeze or pinch something very cute.

heterophemize (v) - unconscious use of words other than those intended; to say something different from what you meant to say.

irenic (adj) - aiming or aimed at peace; promoting peace.

jayus (n) - a joke that amuses because it is so unfunny or poorly told.

jouska (n) - the act of repeatedly playing out hypothetical conversations in one's head.

latibulate (v) - to hide or seek refuge, often in a corner, to protect oneself or find comfort.

lethologica (n) - the inability to remember a particular word or name.

moonglade (n) - the bright reflection of moonlight on a body of water.

morosis (n) - an obsolete medical term that means idiocy, stupidity, or fatuity. it can also refer to a decline in intelligence due to foolishness.

nedovtipa (n) - one who finds it difficult to take a hint.

nepenthe (n) - a potion used by the ancients to induce forgetfulness of pain or sorrow.

obganiate (v) - to annoy someone by repeating the same thing over and over.

phosphenes (n) - a ring or spot of light produced by pressure on the eyeball or direct stimulation of the visual system other than by light; the colors, "stars," you see when you rub your eyes.

pregret (v) - to feel regret for an action before it has happened.

shlimazl (n) - a person who is unlucky or inept, or bad luck itself.

smyster (v) - to smile to oneself while daydreaming.

snaccident (n) - accidentally eating a snack, especially an entire bag or box of junk food.

ultracrepidarian (n) - expressing opinions on matters outside the scope of one's knowledge or expertise.

Hope you have a lovely day! 🎉🎉

this is a very sweet message, thank you so much ! didn't know how much i needed this, i hope your day is filled with lots of love as well. 💗