Damian Has A Jagged Scar Across His Stomach And When The Bats See It For The First Time They Try To Unlock

Bruce, adopting Dick: Aw-w, what a sweet little kid! Surely, he is so polite, and—

Dick, the instance he gets in the battle: You fucking disappointment of a person, and (string of curses on his mother language)

Bruce: Oh. Okay.

Bruce, adopting Jason: Well, Jason was well-mannered and soft-spoken so far, so, maybe—

Jason to the random goon: You motherfucking asshole, I am going to shove this boa to your—

Bruce: Right. Okay.

Bruce, making Stephanie his Robin: Maybe...

Stephanie, using the same street language Jason did, if not worse: I FUCKED YOUR MOM, YOU SON OF A—

Bruce: Whatever.

Bruce, eying suspiciously quiet Tim, who came to interrogate the goon for the first time as a Robin: ?

Tim, the minute door closed behind him: Listen to me, you pathetic excuse of a man, I am going to fuck you up, in an—

Bruce, sighing: Yeah. Honestly. Whatever.

Bruce, staring at angry Damian, who looks like he is about to explode, but keeps up as much as he can: Go on, chump. Say what you want.

Damian, staring at the floor with the deadliest stare ever: Not to sound unbecoming, but... Loser. -_-

Bruce, flabbergasted: ...Okay.

part 2 of giving bruce dad core attributes starting with forgetting which child has what dietary requirements.

bruce: here you go damian your lactose free meal

damian: father i’m vegan drake is lactose

bruce: tim is?? aw shit *hurries to find tim*

bruce placing down a piece of paper and a pen: ok everyone write their dietary needs on this please so i can give it to the caterer

dick: how can you not remember 😭

bruce: because there’s so many of you

tim: alfred remembers

bruce: alfred doesn’t count i’m pretty sure he’s not human

bruce: is duke still allergic to honey?

tim with his head in his hands: bee stings he’s allergic to bee stings

dick: damian is vegan

bruce: what? i thought steph was vegan?

dick: no steph is vegetarian damian is vegan

bruce: jesus christ

bruce: oh he can’t have that he’s allergic to peanuts

dick: what no i’m not?

bruce: yes you are

dick: i’ve never been allergic to peanuts where did you even get that-omg bruce jason was allergic to walnuts!

bruce: was???

Saw a m3m3

They’re 100% talking smack about Kuniharu.

I love Amp ❤

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Date Night Eyeliner NO1 - 15 colors

Date Night Eyeliner NO2 - 15 colors

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i promised you 🦋

(crossposting from x, bsky, & ig)

bruce would be fucking HILARIOUS in his idgaf era just imagine:

bruce: come home

jason: what? so you can throw me in--

bruce: no, just come home. i want you home, so come home.

jason: i'm not fallin for this shit!

bruce: i no longer care about all of *points between himself and jason* this mess. i want to go home, play monopoly with my kids and be mad about the lot of you cheating. that is what i want, so that is what will happen.

jason: you're being ridiculous.

bruce: frankly, i dont give a fuck. now, what piece do you want, the hat or the car?

jason:....

bruce:.....

jason: the car.

bruce: fantastic, be home in 10.

What do you mean this isn't how it happened.

Imagine if Harley and Peter studied at the same school, but Harley is like in the 3rd grade and Peter is in the 2nd grade and during the day they fight, but Peter completely changes personality when he argues with him because Harley is one of the few people who can really irritate him, so everyone is shocked like

*Harley and Peter arguing*

Harley: I'M NOT LISTENING TO SOMEONE THAT MATCHES THE COLOR OF THEIR UNDERWEAR WITH THE COLOR OF THEIR SHIRT!

Peter: >:0

Everyone at school: How does he know that?-

Flash: Black...

Peter: BIG TALK TO THE GUY WHO SET THE KITCHEN ON FIRE DOING RAW NOODLES!

Harley: THAT WAS ONE TIME!

Peter: YOU KNOW IT WASN'T!

And everyone is shocked, MJ and Ned are like: Bros Code...

Peter walking into the main room looking around confused

Tony: "what's up kid?"

Peter: "okay I know I'm not crazy but I put my phone down for two seconds and...its gone?? Where could it go??"

Natasha across the room: "should we tell him-?"

Bucky: "don't you dare"

Peter looks under the couch using his phone flash light: "am I insane...?"

Sam: "you'll find it eventually kid!"

Steve: "did you check the lab?"

Peter: "not yet actually.. Thanks Mr Rogers!"

Peter rushes off still holding his phone

Tony: "I think *should* force him to take an ADHD test.."

Natasha: "you think??"

Sketches!

Turns out, Damian can be very clingy

Yk when a cat is all affectionate one sec, and when u try to pet it again like it literally hisses and acts like it hates you? Yeah, feel like he would act like that with Tim

Yk when a cat doesn’t want you to go?

Yk when cats climb everywhere?

Yeah…