Excuse Me While I DIE

please be nice to me unless youre being mean in a hot way

EDDIE MUNSON in STRANGER THINGS SEASON FOUR.

"This is my year. I can feel it. Eighty-six baby!"

Market Girl

'Gilgamesh takes Thena with him to the market'

Gilgamesh : Here, there are the stalls of vegetables, aromas, clothes, gadgets, meats, poultry and even books. Choose what you want to take and tell me

'Gilgamesh turns his head 5 secondes'

Thena : I choose that one

Y/N : I will be glad to come with you but I have to train for my fight tomorow

Gilgamesh : Thena you can't choose people you have to choose object or food

Thena : A fight ?

Y/N : I'm a swordswoman

Thena stargazing : You're definitely coming home with me

CONGRATS YOU BEAUTIFUL BLUE BOY WE LOVE YOU

congrats on 200k, Ethan!

Candy Floss

Reader x Clyde Logan

Author note: well, this was supposed to be a smutty one shot and i wrote a damn novel. warning: sickly fluff. smut. daddy & breeding kink

Your move to Virginia came as surprise to everyone. You were known as a “city girl”, always has been. However, as you came closer to turning 30, things shifted. The city started to feel too loud, too dirty, even the air felt heavy and smothering. 

The long term relationship that defined the last 5 years of your life had fizzled and died. As a result, everywhere you called home was awash with a person you no longer loved. A pervasive stain you couldn’t remove. The lens which you viewed the city through had changed, and not for the better.

Not everything had gone to shit if you were honest. You were lucky to be in a career that allowed you to be creative. Finally, you had enough of a reputation to go out on your own, be your own boss, take on the projects you wanted to; it was hard work but blissful.

The urge to make a fresh start grew over a few months. To be honest, trying to navigate the likes of Tinder after being out of the dating game for so long made you want to hurl your phone out of the window. The number of unsolicited dick pics that arrived in your inbox was fucking depressing (they weren’t even good looking dicks). Most of your other friends were in long-term relationships, as you had been, and seemed busy with their own lives. There seemed to be no reason to stay.

One Sunday, as you were watching one of those antique hunting shows, a guilty pleasure of yours, the hunters were in West Virginia and sweeping shots of the countryside were shown. It was beautiful, so green and looked so clean. Opening Google on your phone you type in West Virginia and start to scroll through the results. Clicking into a rental property page for no reason other than to be nosy, you audibly whined at the gorgeous little cottages that popped up for about ¼ of the price of your shoe-box apartment. With a sigh, you lock your phone and carry on watching.

A few days later, West Virginia was still on your mind. Each night you had been scrolling through cottages and imagining how you would decorate the inside, even going as far as to start a Pinterest board to feed the fantasy. It took a particularly awkward Tinder date, (in which you had run into your ex not once, but twice) and the consumption of a few wines to finally have a eureka moment. Why in God’s name were you still here? Nothing is stopping you from going wherever you goddamn want! And that was it.

..

Two weeks later you were hauling boxes into an almost Pinterest-worthy cottage in West Virginia. Jesus, the air felt fresh! You stood for a long time in the empty living room just enjoying the smell of wood and listening to the sounds of, well, nothing.

The silence at night was deafening, it actually freaked you out a touch, and you could only fall asleep with the television on. Your old morning routine of waking up and scrolling through social media for far too long had been replaced with long walks through the town and surrounding countryside. You had kept up your yoga and meditation practice which had been largely enhanced by the beautiful surrounds and the ability to do so outside on the grass, instead of on the fraying carpet in your old apartment.

Your only issue thus far was the cabin fever developing from working at home all day. In the city you would change scenery once or twice a day, favouring a few local coffee spots that offered bottomless cups and the local park. The town you had chosen to settle in was sprawling and minimal. However you hadn’t really searched for any possible spots, so one Monday you pulled on your sneakers, popped your laptop in your backpack and walked towards town.

You had walked past the bar Duck Tape many times on your walks and never paid much attention. It was just after 1 pm and although the parking lot was near empty, the open sign was lit up in the window. You could also smell coffee, which closed the deal and you were striding across the parking lot towards the door.

You pushed the mesh door open and stepped into the deserted bar. It was clean and tidy, with dappled sunlight that streamed through the windows, lighting up the largely wooden space making it feel cozy and welcoming.

“Hello?” You called out apprehensively as you made your way towards the wooden bar.

You heard heavy footsteps come up the hallway behind the bar and a very tall and surprisingly young (not an old barman like you expected) man emerged.

“Are ya lost?” He asked in a thick Virginian accent, raising an eyebrow. You were slightly taken aback, not just by the question but also how oddly handsome he was. He was built like a tree, tall and broad. You usually didn’t feel small, standing at 5″9 yourself, but this guy made you feel almost petite. He had strong facial features, that somehow worked well together. His large nose, kind eyes and soft lips were framed by long, thick raven hair. You usually didn’t think much of facial hair but his strange goatee suited him well. 

“Oh!.. ah!… nope! Actually, I’m new around here and was just looking for a place to sit and do some work for a few hours and saw, well actually, smelt your coffee” you blabbered, you could feel yourself blushing. Suddenly feeling slightly stupid that you thought you could use a local bar in this town like a cafe in the city. 

“Well, thatsa new one, we usually are pretty dead around this time a’ day, so make ya’self comfortable, I’ll grab ya a cup,” he said motioning to a table. It was then you noticed that one of his arms was prosthetic. Interesting guy, you thought to yourself as he walked over to the coffee machine. You could feel his eyes on you as you piled your slightly out of control hair on top of your head, securing it in a clip. It was very curly and a faded pinky blonde. You rather enjoyed playing into the “creative” stereotype that your career graced you with.

He came over with a steaming cup of coffee as you were unpacking your laptop and drawing tablet. “Wow that’s fancy, I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone with a computer in this here bar,” He said as he placed the cup a rather comical distance from your computer. You chuckled and shrugged, “not really fancy, just tools of the trade”. He placed a little jug of cream and dish of sugar next to the cup and said “well, just help ya’self to more coffee and I will be around so let me know if you need anything” and started to walk off.

“Thanks uh…?”

“It’s Clyde”

“Thanks, Clyde, I’m y/n” you said, smiling at him. You couldn’t help but notice how stoic he was, didn’t really smile, but managed to seem gentle and kind. —–

Over the next few weeks, you spent most weekdays at the same spot in Duck Tape. It was a nice routine, arriving at about 1 pm and leaving by 4.30pm before the post-workday rush stormed the place. Clyde had even gone as far to place a little “Reserved” sign on the table, even though it was always empty when you arrived. You couldn’t deny the first time you saw it you almost audibly said “awhhhhhhh” and had a surge of butterflies. 

You became slowly aware of Clyde watching you work from time to time. But didn’t let on, you enjoyed the harmless attention. You, yourself sneaked a peak every time he reached up high, causing his shirt to ride up and his slightly chiselled stomach and snail trail came into view.  You engaged in casual conversation but often worked away in comfortable silence. You got the impression that Clyde was a quiet person, not entirely enthusiastic on forced small talk, much like yourself. You knew basic bits and pieces about Clyde now but only found out he actually owned the bar after his brother Jimmy paid him a visit. Jimmy was stunningly opposite to Clyde in personality, although also fairly handsome. He had taken great joy in finding you tapping away and had introduced himself, after a brief conversation Clyde had appeared. Jimmy grinned and practically yelled “Brother! ya didn’t tell me ya had a beautiful lady ‘ere every day” as he slapped him on the back. Clyde looked like he was wishing for death and you couldn’t help but giggle into your coffee mug. Jimmy winked at you on the way out. Clyde muttered “So sorry bout that” as he turned on his feet and disappeared out into the back on the bar. It was thoroughly amusing and left you smiling for days. 

You caught yourself thinking about Clyde more and more often, and you couldn’t deny, it was veering towards being lustful. It had really gone off the deep end when you noticed how huge his hands were. Also, you hadn’t been laid in goddamn weeks and your vibrator was receiving a thrashing. 

—-

Seeing Clyde most days was now firmly routine. You were even getting rare small smiles from him when you arrived and announced yourself with a sing-song “Hi Clyde”. He had even taken to spending short breaks sitting next to you and watching you either draw on your tablet or work away in InDesign in fascination. He asked a question from time to time, and you would answer and explain the process you were doing or the current project you were working on. 

You had been working like a maniac recently in an effort to secure repeat contracts from several companies. Clyde seemed to have noticed and was more attentive in his coffee delivery as the dark circles under your eyes grew darker from working into the small hours.

One afternoon roughly 3 months after you first started frequenting Duck Tape you arrived at settled at your “reserved” table. Clyde put down your coffee and said: “Here ya go Flossie.”

You snorted a laugh and looked up at Clyde with a grin that visibly alarmed him and you said “Sorry, what!?”

“What? what did I say?!”

“You called me Flossie!” You laughed.

Colour tinged Clyde’s cheeks. “Oh shit sorry y/n, but ya hair reminds me of damn candy floss and-“ he started to ramble.

“My dad used to call me that when I was little!” You cut him off as you grinned up at him, “bits of my hair used to get in his face when I insisted on sleeping in my parent’s bed and he used to say, ‘your damn hair Flossie!’”

Clyde’s accidental pet name admission seemed to shift things. He seemed a lot less flustered. And your conversations seemed to get longer. You were also now exclusively Flossie or Floss, but only when no one else was around.

You took the pet name acquisition out on your vibrator.

———

“So Floss, when are ya gonna actually have a real drink here?” Clyde enquired one particularly warm afternoon as you packed away your things. You looked up surprised and met Clyde’s intense but gentle gaze.

“Well I guess I could come back in a few hours” you shrugged, “I’m just about to wrap up my current project this evening.”

Clyde thumped the bar with his (real) hand, making you jump slightly “We will celebrate then”.

We you mused. Butterflies stormed your stomach.

“Alrighty then sir, see you in a few hours,” you said to Clyde as you shrugged on your backpack.

“See ya Floss”

You half powerwalked home with absolutely no intention of doing more work. Fuck that. This is the cue you had hoped for. You had been far too shy and socially anxious to rock up during the evening on your own accord. Instead preferring to work into the night or curl up on the couch with a TV show, all whilst thinking about that handsome man, Clyde.

You were filled with nerves as you showered, exfoliated, shaved, and washed your hair. “Jesus Christ”, you muttered to yourself as you looked into the mirror. This isn’t a date you reminded yourself, but you felt like for a guy like Clyde this was as close to it as it gets. Not that he isn’t gentlemanly, more that he is too shy to ask outright. And you certainly weren’t one to make the first move either.

Being aware that Clyde had only ever seen you in borderline boring ‘work outfits’, which for you were soft tees and jeans or loose fitting dresses and leggings. You were a creature of comfort. You slipped on your favourite pastel pink, barely-there thong and matching the lacey bra. Nice lingerie was something you treated yourself with often. You then spent far too long rummaging around in your closet for something that was neither too dressy, nor too casual. Eventually, you settled on a knee-length casual dress that fitted your waist nicely and accentuated your hourglass shape. You applied some fairly minimal makeup, as you did every day and haphazardly pinned back your wild locks. Content that you looked neither too dressy or too casual you spent the next half an hour agonizing over whether it was too early to go.

You anxiously walked the short walk to Duck Tape at 7 pm. The car park was notably fuller than when you usually visited, not that that was a hard feat. You could hear the chatter and sound of music floating out of the normally quiet bar as you crossed the parking lot. You pushed open the screen door after a few deep yoga breathes and the comforting smell of wood and beer greeted you. You noticed Clyde had snapped his head up the second the door creaked, as if on high alert. His up and down scan of your body did not go unnoticed by you but seemingly did to everyone else in the bar as they carried on chatting loudly.

You walked over to the bar and slipped into a bar stool giving Clyde a grin.

“Evenin’ Fl-, y/n” his stumble of names made you giggle and he winked at you.

“May I please have a vodka martini” you asked politely with a grin.

“Comin’ right up darlin’!” He said and started to busy himself with preparing.

Darling. Before you even had a chance to think about that the display in front of you made you almost fall off your stool. Clyde was skilful, making a martini for you with one hand, complete with bottle spins and throws. It was fucking erotic. Your mouth was still hanging open as he slides the drink towards you. “Holy fucking shit Clyde, that was amazing” you exclaimed, looking up at him with raised eyebrows.

His cheeks became a bit pink as he shrugged it off “Lots of practice s’all”. Just as you brought the glass to your lips a pretty blonde sat in the stool next to you and put a hand on your shoulder “you must be y/n?!” You nodded, puzzled, and tried to shoot a look at Clyde but he was attending to another customer.

“So ya’ll are the one my big teddy bear of a brother is smiling about all the time! I swear to god I have never seen him so dedicated to opening the bar on time!”

Before you had a chance to react she was yelling “Clyde! Get me a wine will ya!”

Clyde turned and saw her sitting next to you and you saw a slight flash of panic pass across his face.

“Mellie, leave her alone…” he almost groaned.

She turned back to you and must have noted the blazing red that now graced your cheeks. She leaned in and whispered in your ear “I don’t know what you are doing but keep it up, I haven’t seen him this happy since he came back from Iraq.”

She gave your back a pat and jumped off the stool. Sticking her tongue out at Clyde as she walked off. You noticed Clyde trying to read your face, so you just sipped the martini as nonchalantly as possible. “Sorry about her” he muttered, “she likes to get in everyone’s business.”

You shrugged “she seems lovely, Clyde.”

As the night went on you chatted on and off with Clyde and various people who sat next to you at the bar. You remained in awe of Clyde’s barman skills, although no one else seemed at all surprised when he twirled bottles and shook drinks with absolute ease. You tried to ignore the growing throb between your legs as drink after drink was set in front of you by that giant hand.

It was a weeknight, so fairly empty by 10 pm, and Clyde migrated to the other side of the bar and sat next to you as he sipped a whiskey on the rocks slowly. “You look pretty Floss” he murmured to you soon after sitting down. Feeling slightly tipsy you giggled and rubbed his bicep, “you aren’t so bad yourself handsome!” God that bicep felt strong. You saw a slight blush tinged his cheeks. You chatted away for a while, and both failed to notice you were the only two left. Clyde had downed a few whiskeys, which seemed to have loosened him up as he had reached around and rested his good arm on the back of your chair comfortably.

At 11 you helped Clyde clean up and put the chairs on the tables so the floor could be swept in the morning. You perched on the bar waiting while Clyde took the rubbish out back. He came back and stood in front of you, from your position sitting on the bar you were actually almost eye to eye. Liquid courage seems to have possession of your limbs as you swung your legs out and wrapped them around Clyde and pulled him close to you. He smiled and raised an eyebrow, “whatcha doing Floss….?”

You looked him in the eye and grinned, placing your hands on his broad shoulders so his hair tickled your hands. “Mellie told me a secret” you whispered through your grin. Clyde groaned a little but his smile remained. You leaned forward and swept his hair away from his ear so you could whisper in it. “She told me that I make you happy.” You sat back and beamed at him. He studied your face for a second and then his big hand was behind your head and pulling you towards him.

Your lips met, he tasted like whiskey and his lips were soft. So, so soft. He pulled back and murmured “You do darlin’, you do.” It was your turn to pull him in, oh how you had been wanting to put your hands in those long locks, and when you did it was even better than you had imagined. You sucked his bottom lip as his moustache tickled your face. You licked along the seam of his mouth, eliciting the most heavenly groan. You pulled back with a giggle, one of your hands still combing through his hair. “Ya gonna kill me Floss,” he said in a husky voice. “Well you better walk me home before you have a heart attack,” you said with a coy smile as you jumped off the bar and strode towards the door purposefully.

You had never seen the man move so fast, he practically ran to his office to get the keys to lock up, pulling doors shutters shut at an impressive pace. After locking the front door he turned to you and you extended your hand and said: “I want a hand hug please.” He chuckled and took your hand. Conversation flowed easily on the way to your house and before you knew it you were at the front door, you unlocked it and practically dragged Clyde inside.

You turned and pulled Clyde’s head down and purred “Take me to bed.”

Clyde’s turned his head and looked you straight in the eye and growled: “Oh sweetheart, I thought you would never ask”. In one quick motion he squatted slightly and picked you up with one arm causing you to squeal. He somehow seemed to know where the bedroom was and sat down with you still in his arm on the bed. His prosthetic arm seemed to be in his way, “do you want to take that off?” You asked, raising an eyebrow, at him. “Oh don’t worry darlin’ I don’t want to freak you out, having half an arm n all” he smiled.

“I love your arms, I think they are so fucking sexy, honestly, take it off if you will be more comfortable” you insisted as you rubbed his upper arms affectionately.

“Well, ok, but you just tell me if ya want me to put it back on darlin’.” He reached and pulled off the metal prosthetic, you took it and carefully placed it on your dressing table. Still sitting on the edge of the bed, Clyde smiled gently at you. You climbed into his lap, onto your knees so you were straddling him and ran your hands down his arms, the back up to his face and into his hair, pressing your forehead against his. He sighed and responded by running his hand up and down your back. “I’ve wanted this for so long,” you whispered.

“Me too Floss, ya so beautiful darlin’, I was just too chicken-shit to tell ya” he breathed. His lips met yours feverishly and you explored each other’s mouths, your hands were fumbling with his shirt buttons, his one hand trying to push down your dress straps. You were both failing spectacularly and you quickly stood and ripped your whole dress off over your head.

“Holy shit” he muttered as he drank in your pink lacy bra and tiny thong. Blushing you bent down and kissed his lips lightly before helping him pull off his shirt. His torso was toned and that glorious happy trail…. “fuck Clyde you are making me feel a bit self-conscious here” you muttered as you poked your remarkably untoned stomach. He pulled you toward him in a swift movement.

“Now you listen here” he growled quietly as he ran his hand over your hip and then arse giving each cheek a light squeeze, “these curves are the sexiest damn thing I ‘av ever seen darlin” he said as he kissed you right on the stomach. A giggle escaped your lips, you started tugging at his jeans that were now visibly tented at the front. He stood and stripped them off, remaining in a pair of briefs, and oh god, he looked like a big boy. You pushed him up the bed so he was sitting against the head board and climbed into his lap, his erection hard against your increasingly damp, clothed sex.

He ran his hand down your back and expertly unclipped your bra. He moaned at the sight of your hard nipples and full breasts, his hand was on one and his mouth on the other in record time. Even in his large hand, you were a decent handful, and he seemed to be thoroughly enjoying it. He gently squeezed as he sucked one nipple and then the other. A loud moan escaped your lips as you threw your head back in ecstasy. “Music to my ears sweetheart, fuck ya have perfect tits” he groaned before he continued his assault on your chest.

Growing impatient you started to grind against his hard clothed cock as he sucked your nipples. Your hand travelled down and palmed it greedily. Clyde pulled back and raised an eyebrow at you with a smirk, “what do you want darlin’?”

All you could do was whine needily.

You reached into his briefs and grasped him, fuck, he was huge. Thick. You gave him a slow pump which caused you both to moan. Truth be told you were usually into far more foreplay, but Goddamn it, this wasn’t the time. Seemingly on the same page, Clyde pulled his briefs down than yours and gripped your waist firmly with his hand and other arm. He looked you in the eye questioningly, you were growing rather fluent in the art of reading Clyde’s microexpressions. “Birth control.” You rasped.

He gave a small nod and then lowered you down onto his rock hard cock with agonising slowness, stopping when you gasped as the tip made contact with your opening. “Jesus fuck don’t stop” you growled, which caused Clyde to chuckle. The stretch was exquisite, you don’t think you had ever moaned so loudly as when you were fully seated. You sat there, muted for a few seconds, eyes closed.

“Holy hell darlin’ you feel so good, fuck, so tight,” Clyde said in a strained voice, “I’m not gonna last long, FUCK.”

You started to move up and down slowly and the sensation caused you to throw your head back, “neither am I” you said through gritted teeth.

You looked down at Clyde, he was watching your breasts bounce as you moved, the sheer sight made you moan louder. His hand was alternating between cupping an arse cheek and tracing the curve of your hip. No one had ever made you feel so sexy.

Suddenly he slipped out and flipped you both, causing you to squeak as you landed on your back. “You are workin’ too hard sweetheart,” he said as he propped your legs on his broad shoulders. You had a magnificent view of his body. Oh, it was… beautiful.

He entered you again with the same cautionary slowness. The new angle was sublime. You felt every inch. As he started to pump you started to babble “oh my god, oh fuck, oh god, feels so good, please don’t stop, fuck!” The feedback causes a low moan to escape Clyde’s mouth. Propping himself with his partial arm he reached and started to rub your clit.

“Oh fuck, that’s going to make me come!” You gasped, looking Clyde straight in the eye.

“That’s the idea darlin’ I ain’t gunna last much longer, your pussy is too perfect.”

The praise sent you over the edge and towards climax as you clenched around Clyde and rolled your eyes back in pure ecstasy. Watching you come sent Clyde over the edge and he shuddered and let out a guttural moan as he came in you.

He pulled out and collapsed next to you. You rolled to face him, reached and started stroking his hair, smiling shyly. His eyes searched yours, before he leant in, kissing you softly on the lips and murmuring “Floss, you are perfect.”

You hummed and buried your face into his neck, his skin was so warm…

Eventually, you got up and ran a bath, and you both got in, sighing contentedly as you leaned back against Clyde’s chest. He stroked your arm mindlessly, as you sat in comfortable silence.

Once in bed, Clyde whispered sweet things in your ear as he stroked your hair. You drifted to sleep in his arms, a smile on your face.

———

Things didn’t really change once your relationship became romantic, however, everyone found out pretty quickly as Jimmy walked in on you kissing at the bar. He had whooped loudly and pulled you both into a group hug.

Mellie had pulled you aside and given you a big hug, her eyes glistened with tears as she told you how happy you were making her brother. “I didn’t know if he was ever going to smile like he used to” she had gushed.

Neither of you was largely comfortable with PDA and you stuck to the usual routine of working at Duck Tape in the day. However, Clyde was spending most nights at your cottage as it was such a short walk. And really, you couldn’t keep your hands off one another.

You found out Clyde was an incredibly generous lover, the man was happy to eat you out for damn near hours, until you were almost crying from the sensitivity, not stopping until you came a number of times. He loved to worship your body, slowly taking in every curve, with his hand or mouth.

Quickies weren’t a thing, which suited you fine actually, as you could never orgasm that fast and having Clyde slowly luxuriate your body was blissful. I mean he did bend you over his desk one quiet day at the bar, but it wasn’t the norm.

—–

Clyde’s face had been between your legs for a good 20 minutes one night, causing you to be in a state of euphoria which erased any verbal control. You moaned loudly “oh daddy pleaseeee”.

Clyde’s head snapped up, eyes flashing. Realising what you said, you giggled with embarrassment. “What did you say?” He growled.

“Daddy?” You offered coyly.

“Oh darlin’, I will be ya daddy, but only if you are a good girl” he rumbled, with a look that suggested you were about to be ravaged.

His flipped you over onto all fours and slapped your arse causing you to moan, the ache between your legs intensified.

“Oh please, please” you begged.

“Who am i?” Clyde demanded.

“Dadddddyyyyyyyy” you whined.

Clyde thrust into you hard and started an uncharacteristically punishing pace.

“Gunna put a baby in you” he puffed “make you mine.”

No one had ever said such a thing to you, but fuck, it was hot as hell.

“Oh yes daddy, please, make me yours!” You cried, your walls spasming around him.

That was Clyde’s undoing, coming hard in you with a loud “AH FUCK!”.

———

TBC?

Leave me prompts for this fic?

I have no idea what I am doing.

🍭

——

Part II

The Smut Bucket

Candy Floss II

Note: to say I was floored at the reaction to my first ever piece of fan fiction, would be an understatement. Thank you so much. *weeps and

I’m going to see Green Day Thursday and I HAVEN’T FOUND AN OUTFIT

I’m also trying to find an appropriate Kpop pc to put in my phone

Emo Baekhyun might suffice

Argh... Where's my favourite boy?

There he is...

That's my favourite boy!

steve doing eddie’s hair while eddie paints dnd minis 😌

I’m too gay for all the EXO members

dressing room foolishness ❦

pairing; sehun x m!reader

genre; suggestive / “lime”, fluff/crack 

summary; you and sehun just couldn’t keep your hands off of eachother in the inkigayo dressing room. and crazy enough, you didn’t even care that the members were around poking fun of you two. 

includes; idol!sehun, makeupartist!male reader, making out, (technical) exhibitionism, sehun is older than reader, implied poly!exo.

wc; 2.1k (i swear i always start things intending for them to be short 😩)

notes; this is very much an unrealistic scenario but who cares its fanfic world kfsjhfhsh i wanted a world where they promoted DFTF & suho was there :( im thinking this is gonna be the first installment to a random overarching “series” i’ve been wanting to do after having a dream about it foreverrr ago,, maybe i’ll expand on it more later. lemme know what u think!

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