What Are You Even Supposed To Do When Your Friends Who Are Dating Kiss In Front Of You Like Do I Just

what are you even supposed to do when your friends who are dating kiss in front of you Like do i just stand there or

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Sometimes I'll just forget people are like, actually allo.

Like I'm ace so ofc I'll make sex jokes. But like sometimes I'll genuinely forget people are unironically allosexual or alloromantic and like that they're like unironically attracted to people or actively pursuing relationships.

Okay but modern AU where Jaskier greencard marries Geralt’s ex, Yennefer, who he kinda hates, because she’s in trouble and he can’t resist helping people and also plans to hold it over her (in a bantery kinda way) and thinks it’ll be funny to rub in Geralt’s face when he inevitably comes crawling back to Yennefer.

They pass the interview with almost zero prep because it turns out back when they were jealous rivals for Geralt’s attention they learned way too much about each other. Then they have (supposed) hate sex when they’re drunk because 1. why not? 2. they’re both curious and 3. they’re both still kinda pissed off at Geralt the booze make it seem like the perfect revenge. 

Jaskier finds inexpressible amounts of glee in referring to Yennefer as his “ball and chain” and “old lady” and other unflattering nicknames for a spouse, and Yennefer enjoys ruining his every attempt at getting laid by waiting for him to make a pass, then storming up and slapping him and bursting into tears about him “ruining their marriage” by betraying his loving wife.

Then they sleep together again because neither of them is getting laid and they’ll each begrudgingly admit the other is good in bed (Yennefer says it’s the only time his incessant strumming is enjoyable).

Then the next thing they know they’re horrified to discover they’ve been in a committed sexual relationship with all the appearance of a romantic relationship for several months. They haven’t had a genuine fight since… well, Jaskier can’t remember. And Yennefer’s been at nearly every gig he’s played since they got married, and he’s got into a routine of giving her a foot rub when she drops onto the sofa after work, and the love song he wrote about her that was intended to annoy her has started to sound distressingly genuine no matter what he does, and Yennefer was terribly rude to Valdo when they ran into him and may or may not have keyed his car, and really, they’re better at being married than either of their parents were. They’re pretty good at being married full stop to be honest, and that’s when they’re not even trying.

And okay, so maybe he kinda doesn’t hate her after all. Maybe.

I was talking to my friend the other day about a dude I know, and I called him a “funky lil’ guy”. The response I recieved was somewhere along the lines of “he’s literally taller than you so you can’t say that”

My guy, you simply do not understand. Funky lil’ guys aren’t little, they’re lil. It’s purely vibe based


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“Jason should have ducked”

Jason gave Bruce a gun to shoot him with.

Jason gave him three options but there are only two results. Either Joker dies and Jason is left alive or Joker lives and Jason is too dead to care. That’s not an accident you have to understand.

It’s the most miserable “win if I win, win if I lose” I’ve ever seen set up and it worked. The neck slice moment isn’t just written for shock value it’s a demonstration of the truth of Jason’s point. Sometimes refusing to choose one over the other is just a choice for the other.

Literally look at this man

Literally Look At This Man

Gang I was watching csi and misha collins fucking jumpscared me

Hi, your metas are super interesting, and even if I really enjoy fanon twilight, it's really cool to read opinions based only on canon too!

So my question is about the sexual orientation of the Cullens, do you think they all straight?

For example i saw someone saying that Edward maybe was demisexual and it left me thinking, so i just wanted to know your opinions about it :)

In short, no.

In alphabetical order:

Alice is with a man, but without getting into the mess that is Alice/Jasper here, I don’t think theirs is a particularly physical relationship. I mean, if Alice wanted to get laid, she could just decide to fuck Jasper, enjoy the vision, and bam. Itch scratched. Thanks, Jazz. Alright, I’ll be serious. Alice and Jasper are with each other because the other represents salvation, not so much because of a personal or physical attraction but because of mysticism. So to me that doesn’t really say much about Alice’s preference. All the same I can’t see Alice having a particular preference, she’s too... Alice. Although it is easier to picture her with women. She is also the second half of the Alice/Bella homoerotic extravaganza, which makes heterosexual Alice even more farfetched to me. So, bisexual or lesbian Alice.

Bella shows clear attraction to women as well as men. She’s attracted to Rosalie, Alice, Edward, and Carlisle. I’ll just give you guys quotes: Of the three boys, one was big — muscled like a serious weight lifter, with dark, curly hair. Another was taller, leaner, but still muscular, and honey blond. The last was lanky, less bulky, with untidy, bronze-colored hair. He was more boyish than the others, who looked like they could be in college, or even teachers here rather than students. The girls were opposites. The tall one was statuesque. She had a beautiful figure, the kind you saw on the cover of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue, the kind that made every girl around her take a hit on her self-esteem just by being in the same room. Her hair was golden, gently waving to the middle of her back. The short girl was pixielike, thin in the extreme, with small features. Her hair was a deep black, cropped short and pointing in every direction. (Twilight, page 9) This is the Cullens’ introduction. I won’t spend much time on it, just notice the difference between Rosalie and the others. Rosalie is highlighted in a way Alice is not, and Edward is at first glance only the boyish one of the guys. Rosalie was the Cullen whose beauty immediately stood out to Bella. It was hard to decide who was the most beautiful — maybe the perfect blond girl, or the bronze-haired boy. (sic.) Bella has realized by now that Edward’s a grade A hottie, but she’s still torn between him and Rosalie. Bella then gets to know Alice, and they become friends who take showers together(!). Rosalie may be the most attractive Cullen woman, but Alice is the one Bella gets emotionally close to. We get this in New Moon:  UNNATURALLY STILL AND WHITE, WITH LARGE BLACK EYES intent on my face, my visitor waited perfectly motionless in the center of the halt, beautiful beyond imagining.  (...) I locked my arms around her, gasping to inhale as much of the scent of her skin as possible. It wasn't like anything else—not floral or spice, citrus or musk. No perfume in the world could compare. My memory hadn't done it justice. (New Moon, page 191) Bella never thought she’d never see any of the Cullens again, so for her to be hysterical and ecstatic upon seeing her second favorite is not by itself damning. I’m sure she’d be ecstatic to see Emmett too. It’s that fact that she’d missed Alice’s scent that’s interesting. The scent of her skin was something Bella was aware of before they parted. And while it may be tempting to say “it’s because they’re vampires, Bella’s admiring them like she would a work of art!”, Bella never dwells on Esme, Jasper, or Emmett in this way. Jasper and Emmett especially are not admired beyond the introduction of their characters. We never hear about what any of them smell like, nor does Bella remark upon their beauty after waking up a vampire. Carlisle and Edward, by comparison, are men she keeps noticing. Bella finds Carlisle blindingly beautiful when she first sees him as a vampire, and there’s this from New Moon: Though it erased the sting, it reminded me of the gash, and I watched Carlisle's face carefully to distract me from what his hands were doing. His hair gleamed gold in the bright light as he bent over my arm. (New Moon, page 18) There’s thinking someone is pretty, and then there’s gazing lovingly upon their face instead of pain killers. Bella is bisexual.

Carlisle moved in with a very gay man, had a close relationship with him, lived with him for the sake of his company for decades, and only left because of dietary differences. We don’t know for sure whether they actually had an affair or not, but the fact remains that of all the Cullens, Carlisle is the one who is implied to have had a homosexual relationship in canon. He loses his straight card based on that alone. Also gonna link this clip, because I’m Mac listening to Edward talk about how young Carlisle lived with this sexy Mycenaean Greek for a few decades when he was young. Aro is all the santas. Carlisle is bisexual.

Edward... oh boy. His brain is supposedly seventeen, and yet this very interesting thing happens in his relationship with Bella where he never notices her body. Not ever. By body I mean curves. Edward notices Bella’s skin, her frailty, her humanity. He praises her blushes, her doe-like eyes, her warmth, her softness, her swan-like neck, her delicious scent. The feminine aesthetic. He does not once notice her tits. The only tits he is on record noticing belong to Siobhan, and it’s because she has an impossible to ignore rack: She was profoundly female in shape—aggressively, forcefully female. (Midnight Sun, chapter Probability) It’s one thing for him to be old-fashioned and too quintessentially Edward to even think the word “boob”, but in 700+ pages of Midnight Sun there’s just this absence of this seventeen-year-old noticing her curves. More damningly, when seeing Alice’s vision of vampire!Bella, Edward is horrified at the sight of his love cold and hard. He doesn’t describe vampire!Bella by any of the positives, like “flawless”. Edward is attracted to the human, not the woman. What that means for his sexuality... well, I’m going to go ahead and point out that he is very weird about Carlisle, and it’s damning that the personality he projects onto Bella is so similar to Carlisle. I hesitate to apply a label here, but in my own, personal, headcanon we’re veering towards homosexual. Deeeeeeply closeted homosexual.

Emmett is straight. Straightest guy ever to straight.

Esme is pretty clearly taken with Carlisle. Though if she were to feel attracted towards another woman, I imagine she’d have no idea what to make of that, if she even recognized it for what it was. She’s from a very different time and still living in that time, and she continues to be very sheltered. Still, as per my personal headcanon, I see her as straight.

Jasper, who knows. Though if he’s into guys, he has probably gone for it in the past. I suppose I should write a meta on vampires and sexual norms in general, but in short I don’t think they all live monogamously like the Cullens. STDs and pregnancies are unheard of, as is social ostracizing. Vampires are hedonistic, Twilight vampires more so than any other. Which in turn means I don’t think Maria and Jasper were monogamous. A couple, sure, but I don’t think Maria would say “oh noes, I can’t, I’m with Jasper!” if someone she was attracted to made an overture, and same goes for Jasper. So, if Jasper was into guys, then sure. I can see Jasper/Peter happening, or even Charlotte/Jasper/Peter. Jasper is certainly into women, with the possibility of guys as well. And if so, then it’s probably happened.

Rosalie I’m shocked is with a guy in the first place, everything about her screams lesbian. However, she’s clearly into Emmett, so apparently she’s bisexual.

(I’m not including Renesmée in this, since she’s three months old by the time the series conclude.)

This all being said, several of these people are from very different times and wouldn’t have the same concepts of sexuality internalized as we do, so how they’d identify is a very different matter.

Okay so I've been rereading a lot of Twilight fanfictions and I was just thinking of an AU so, here's my take on an AU!

A grunge/goth/punk Bella Swan comes waltzing onto Forks High School after getting off her motorcycle/or just a sick car (i’ll be honest here?? I don’t know motorcycles or cars, pfft. so let’s leave that up to your imagination) and everyone is like: “Ayo?? Cool girl?”

The Cullens hadn’t seen her yet so they’re just hearing about “The Chief’s daughter is pretty fire dudes” over and over again, and Jasper is buzzing with excitement from the school’s emotions, Alice and Emmett are curious but the little pixie vampire is more on Swan’s fashion sense while Emmett is just like “hm.. cooler than me?” Rosalie however is annoyed from hearing the same thing about a dumb human and Edward is getting a headache as well as a vampire can get.

(I completely forget how the films/books go so I think it’s lunch then biology? Oh well) So here comes Lunch where Bella is invited to Human Gang’s table and here comes Bella in all her glory, decked out with those black thick heel knee high boots with the buckles going up and down, you know what I mean? Her pants are the baggy kind, but not too baggy, of course they’re black too why not right? They’re sporting all sorts of chains and suspenders that are just hanging down on the sides. The pants are also kind of ripped and beneath those pants are fishnets? Maybe? Just an idea. Finally her shirt has some sort of red and black theme going on, but I’m imagining it’s either a band merch or those short sleeved red and black stripes. Her hair is probably going to remain brown too, but I could picture this Bella dyeing it some other color.

Eric (I think he was the one who invited her to the table?? Or was it one of the other people? Let’s just go with Eric this time lol) is like waving at her excitedly and she goes to sit with them and starts up conversation and this is where we start to know other things about this AU Bella:

IMO, this Bella likes to go by Swan or the scientific name Cygnus, which the others find weird but hey they’re weird too in their respective ways.

Swan doesn’t call Charlie, well, Charlie. She calls him dad, or father because this time around she kept in contact with Charlie throughout the years.

Swan has a backbone!!

Maybe she carries around a butterfly knife who knows.. (she totally does and she can do cool tricks with it.. maybe she has a collection?)

Swan is witty and can quip easily, she isn’t afraid to be affectionate. And yeah, while it’s cool to be a person with absolutely no flaws, she has them!! Swan can be pretty brutal without knowing and can become quick to anger. She isn’t really used to apologizing to others that’s not her mom (yeah we probably can agree that Renée cares about her daughter to some extent, but she probably also does some real crappy stuff that often leads Swan into apologizing to her instead of the other way around. Or something like that- maybe y’all understand what I’m saying?? pfft). Some other flaws too, use your imagination for those! You guys probably can come up with cooler stuff.

Charlie is supportive of his daughter of course he is and this Charlie does not let Swan do all of the household work!!

Charlie probably doesn’t know how to cook very well so Swan helps teach him to cook better (due to her mother probably using her as a doormat) and they take turns cooking. They also take turns buying groceries as well. (Let’s also point out in the book where Charlie congratulates Jacob for kissing Bella? Yeah if that happened this Charlie does not happen! He’ll get angry! And curse out Jacob!)

Anyways cue the Cullens walking in. Rosalie and Emmett walk in first, followed by Alice and Jasper, then Edward and out loud (at least just for Human Gang, we already know the vampires are going to hear this) Swan just goes, “Hey they look kind of weird- clothing wise. Why do they look so.. Fancy?” With a raised brow. [ Lauren responds with a snort, “you don’t look better yourself.” ] And then cues Jessica’s rant on the Cullens and introductions about them.

Edward is stiff as a board and is keeping his gaze on the table. “I can’t hear the new girl,” he told the mated couples, “and oh- her blood is stronger than the rest of them.” With a low groan he had his head in his hands. Before any of them could question him Alice had ushered him out of the Cafeteria before taking a seat with Jasper. It’s silent for a moment before she chirps up with: “Well, it seems like we’ll have a different school year!” With a bright grin.

Alice probably is admiring Swan’s style.

Jasper doesn't really have an opinion yet.

Rosalie and Emmett are getting amused by Swan’s constant teasing on Jessica’s crush on Edward (which also includes her insulting Edward [ “Dude! Look how he sat down?? He placed two fingers- from each hand mind you- on the table and then sat down. You like that? Who does that? He’s playing with a baby carrot too!” ] ).

Some other things is that Swan is probably chill with Jacob and pack (once figured out of course) and has a sibling like relationship, or just real good friends.

nightmare -- [b. swan]

Notes: okay so, this is going to be aprox. eleven-ish (counting the epilogue) chapters. It’s going to be a character study plus plot and obviously BAMF! Bella.

summary: 

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masteroftheuniverseandeverything - it’s me, i’m bitches
it’s me, i’m bitches

i truly am The AroAce

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