Dazai: When I was 15 I googled "two men kissing" on Mori's computer and when he asked me why that was in his search bar, I said "Idk, you tell me"
Dazai: and it worked.
Chuuya, during a mission: How are we gonna get out of this?
Dazai: Don't worry, I have a plan!
Chuuya: *sighs* Ah, the four words society fears most.
Dazai: If you tell anyone that we kissed I promise I will make your 2024 a living nightmare.
Chuuya: How is that any different from now?
Atsushi: Chuuya kissed you?
Dazai, staring woefully out of his window: Aha...
Atsushi: And you said thank you…?
Dazai: Yeah...
Atsushi: Well that was very polite of you.
*meanwhile*
Chuuya: Thank you?!?! WTF DOES THAT MEAN?
Kouyou: He’s stupid Chuuya you know that!
Dazai: I don't know what I feel about chibi.
Natsume, in his cat form: You fucking spend all day and night thinking of ways to annoy him, you call him with pet names, he's your partner in crime, you trust him to save you every fucking time you're in death's door, he's the reason you don't wanna die anymore and you don't know how you feel? Please, for fuck sake, you love him.
Dazai:
Natsume: I mean— meaw.
Atsushi: So is this thing between Dazai and Chuuya supposed to be a secret?
Akutagawa: Hardly, the only people who don’t know are Dazai and Chuuya.
Dazai: What the hell are you doing?
Chuuya, reading Dazai's diary: Sus, be quiet. It's an enemies to lovers very good book.
Dazai: It's not what you think.
Chuuya: Damn, so you're in love with somebody else named Chuuya? What were the odds?!
*playing twister*
Dazai: okay, Akutagawa, right hand red.
Akutagawa: *ends up on top of Atsushi*
Atsushi: wait— Dazai, you're doing this on purpose, aren't you?
Dazai: I stopped spinning about 10 turns ago, I'm surprised you didn't notice sooner.
Dazai, extremely drunk: Who is.....who is that ginger beauty who wears a hat with those perfect blue eyes?
Yosano: That's your boyfri-
Dazai: I'll fuck him tonight, don't tell Chuuya.
Yosano: Ok bro, I won't tell him.
*20 minutes later*
Chuuya, also very very drunk: Sorry man, you're rlly hot but I have a boyfriend...
Dazai: I see, let's call him to join us then! 😉
Chuuya: *calls Dazai and Dazai's phone rings*
Dazai, picking up the phone: Hellooo...
Chuuya, looking at Dazai: 😶
Dazai, looking at Chuuya: 😶
Yosano: 🤦♀️
Dazai: I dare you to marry me.
Chuuya: No. I'm not falling for that idiot.
Dazai: Then I win.
Chuuya: What? No you don’t. I’ll marry the hell out of you. You’re officially my wife now. You can’t beat me like that.
Dazai: Dear Santa,
Dazai: I’m writing to you because I know I’ve been naughty...
Dazai: And it was totally worth it, you judgmental bastard!