Chuuya: I Hate You!

Dazai: You're wearing make-up???

Chuuya: Oh, it's just eyeliner. Do you like it?

Dazai:

Dazai: No it looks stupid...

*some moments later*

Dazai, sobbing into Odasaku's shoulder: It looked so good!!!

Odasaku: I know.

Dazai: I'm so gay...

Odasaku: *sighs* I know...

*ada!Chuuya au*

Atsushi: I can't tell whether Chuuya joining the ada was a good thing or not...

Atsushi: Because on one hand, I have much less paperwork to do, and Dazai seems much happier and more stable.

Atsushi: On the other hand-

Dazai, through the office door: Fuck yes Chuuya, there, there!

Atsushi: That.

*some years later*

Dazai: Atsushi, Akutagawa...

Atsushi and Akutagawa: Yes, Dazai.

Dazai: About the rumour...

Atsushi, Akutagawa: What rumour?

Dazai: Poetry.

Atsushi, Akutagawa:

Dazai: It's not what everybody thinks it is.

Akutagawa: I'm afraid explaining any further while in your partner's bed will only make matters worse, Mrs. Nakahara.

Dazai: Did you just call me Mrs. Nakahara?

Atsushi: It's best if you get used to it sooner than later.

Dazai:

Akutagawa, opening a door he shouldn't have opened: Dazai, Chuuya?

Dazai and Chuuya shocked, as their kissing session just got disturbed: Akutagawa?

Akutagawa, concerned: Is everything alright?

Dazai: It's perfectly fine.

Dazai: Chibi, tell him what we're doing.

Chuuya: We...

Chuuya: I'm teaching him some poetry.

Akutagawa: Poetry?

Dazai:

Dazai: Yes, I love poetry.

Akutagawa:

Chuuya: I'm surprised as you are. He can't get enough of it.

Akutagawa: I'll leave you to do your poetry then...

Akutagawa: *closes the door, regretting all his life decisions*

Chuuya: What do you want for christmas?

Dazai: You in a maid outfit.

Chuuya: 🖕

Dazai: *has music loud while dancing in the middle of the office*

Kunikida, turning down the volume: Get back to work, now Dazai!

Dazai: How dare you, Iago, Backstabber?

Kunikida: I'm surprised you've read Othello.

Dazai: What the hell's Othello? I'm calling you the parrot from Aladdin.

Chuuya: Am I the literal only gay man who likes cars?

Dazai, a dumbass: Idk why more gay people wouldn’t. Mater and Lightning’s relationship is pretty homoerotic???

Chuuya, stupefied:

Dazai:

Chuuya:

Dazai: Wait, fuck, did you mean like actual real cars?

Yosano: Hey, Dazai, who's your favorite singer or band?

Dazai: I don't really have one.

Yosano: Oh c'mon pretty boy, everyone has one.

Kunikida: It's propably arctic monkeys.

Dazai: Fine. If you really wanna know that bad...it's taylor swift.

Yosano: Who? Gotta speak up.

Dazai: Taylor Swift.

Ranpo: HAH, I KNEW IT! YOU ALL OWE ME FIVE BUCKS.

Dazai: Chuuya and I don't use pet names.

Odasaku: I see. Hey, what do bees make?

Dazai: Honey.

*silence*

Dazai: Ha, you thought, bitch.

Chuuya, yelling from another room: What do you want, whore?

Dazai: I love you 🥰.

Chuuya: Why should I believe you? All the guys I've dated were dogs.

Dazai:

Chuuya: Well, aren't you gonna say anything?

Dazai:

Dazai: Meow...

*singer!Chuuya au*

Interviewer: Do you ever hear from your exs after you release a song about them?

Chuuya: Well some of them like to write really long emails.

Interviewer: Oh really?

Chuuya: Hm. The guys when I break up with them are like, "You better not write a song about this!"

Chuuya: and I'm like, "No, I wont."

Interviewer:

Chuuya: and then I do.

Interviewer:

Interviewer: Have your ever written a song it was so mean you couldn't release it?

Chuuya: No, I just put those on my albums.