#Mood #me

Fun zodiac facts here!

so how was the cuddle, bantonin?

Antonin: Not fucking long enough.  Madame Pomfrey kicked him out the hospital wing.

Barty: But it was cute till then!

Antonin: Why is everything always fucking “cute” to you?

Barty: BECAUSE IT WAS!!!!!

He’s dead now, so I portrayed him as such. Everyone understood immediately.

Barty Sr, did you know that your son’s boyfriend is planning on becoming a Death eater? How do you feel about that?

Barty Sr: Thank you for that information. I didn’t know that, but it’ll definitely come in handy.

Promise not to kill anyone? After losing election, TX judge wholesale releases juvenile defendants

After losing his bench in a Democratic sweep the night before, Harris County Juvenile Court Judge Glenn Devlin released nearly all of the youthful defendants that appeared in front him on Wednesday morning, simply asking the kids whether they planned to kill anyone before letting them go.

“He was releasing everybody,” said public defender Steven Halpert, who watched the string of surprising releases. “Apparently he was saying that’s what the voters wanted.”

Waiting for this to be used in a statistical study in 6 years showing it was a net benefit.

Alright everyone here is a masterpost of my cats facial expressions… enjoy

i hate you people we have the most gorgeous planet and we’re destroying her. cities are fucking ugly and i think we should stop building them

here’s the stuff my mama taught me: there’s iron to bind the fae, throw salt  over one shoulder  and never wait for a man to fix you -  get AAA but know how to change a tire, use tape or a knife or running water to open jars, stand on whatever you need to in order to reach the top shelf or else just don’t put things up there, and never put your man above your friends  or soon you’ll have neither, baby

i wrote you love notes in sugar packets,  told her i was so crazy for you i’d cut my hair off  she said god i hope not i tore open the jar of my body and carved out whatever home you’d lick up, crawled on knees and changed myself until i was flat by the roadside, hated the cliche but called the devil to me

my mother picked me up off the kitchen floor. she said: here’s where to put the spoons  but maman my heart is in his hands and he is a vice and i am the moon put salt on watermelon and brown sugar in tuna but maman i taste nothing and this world is nothing without him here’s how to fold a napkin  but maman i can fold into nothing but him and him and him

she shows me how to sew. how to leave out milk. how to set a smile.

she presses the handle of a knife into my palm.  “And when all else fails, my love,” she says, “Chop something up and move on.”