Once Again Not Great With Wordsand It Is 12 Am But As A Disabled Trans Person I Have. So Many Thoughts

any thoughts on pd ep 33, comprehensible or not?

‼️ MAJOR SPOILER AHEAD FOR EPISODES 30-33 OF JRWI PRIME DEFENDERS ‼️

also sorry anon this got way out of hand

Oh man where would i even START. I think what’s really getting me is the heartbreak. What’s still haunting me is that very last line William says, “I really wanted to have a brother.” Like fuck. FUCK!! Fuck Charlie Slimecicle for always giving his characters the most excruciating of sibling relationships and fuck Bizly for playing David so goddamn well.

William got himself into this mess by following his brain, by thinking that the logical thing to do to save the most people and make sure everyone got out of this alive was to just let David take his samples and make sure no one else got hurt in the process. But it’s so clear in episode 33 that despite his better judgement, despite knowing LOGICALLY he shouldn’t trust David, shouldn’t believe him… he does. Because he wants to believe his brother might not be so bad, that he might finally have a brother at all, that there was one thing that came out of deadwood that wasn’t sick.

I keep going back to that scene in David’s private room, where he gives William what is ostensibly his first drink, plays the role of big brother so well, asks him questions to which William spills everything because how could he not? After years of feeling like and believing the older brother he always considered better than him hated him, disliked him, thought him (rightfully in his mind) a freak, how could he refuse this olive branch?

So William tells him everything, and David tells him to come home safe. David tells him he’ll protect him if he needs, that he can come to him for help. When William goes to awkwardly leave, David pulls him in for a hug.

And the worst part of all? I don’t think David is necessarily lying. Or faking. Not fully, at least. I think David is finally interested in William now, in his own twisted way. I think he’s stopped seeing him as some weirdo little brother who disappeared to go be some self righteous hero, and instead started seeing him as… an equal-ish. Someone more on his level. Someone who does see the world for what it is, and is willing to do what it takes to make those hard calls. He was using William, absolutely. Manipulating him for his own ends, without a doubt. But I think he meant it when he told William to make sure he made it back safe. I think he was also welcoming to the idea of them getting closer, maybe becoming brothers for real.

That’s why I think David was so confused when William came bursting into his penthouse with Vyncent. I don’t think he understood one bit why William was so upset. Other than the news that one of the vigilantes had died, nothing else in his mind had changed. It appears he didn’t even know she did, his people just knew to cover his tracks without needing to be told. He wasn’t keeping it a secret from William, his true lie was in telling William the serum was harmless in the first place. And I think he’s going to stay confused, and I think he’s going to feel betrayed and I know any chances of them ever really being brothers died with Cantrip.

And it breaks my heart for William because he wanted to believe so hard. He was going to split those samples, y’know? He told Vyncent “the board made him do it”. He told David about Ashe. About his fears around Mal. About how he’s afraid being able to drink and feel and live again might all go away. He wanted to have an older brother he could trust so bad. And now one of their only friends is dead, and William killed her, and no amount of logic or rationalisations or leaps of faiths in the world is going to fix that.

William’s haunting speech to David at the end… fuck man. All that rage, all that guilt, all that self hatred William has projected back and forced down the throat, nose, ears of the brother that doesn’t but should. Turning the tool he learnt and used under David’s command back on him.

My thoughts? I think William was doomed the moment he tried to win an argument in that operation room with the older brother he always considered smarter better and more successful than him in every way. There’s nothing more impressionable in the world than a younger brother.

But I also think William might finally stop digging himself deeper, at least for now. How heavily Cantrip’s death weighs on him, Dakota’s reactions, Mal making another appearance, what David and his parents are going to be like after all this… it is all still up in the air.

Fuck man. Ultimately, I still can’t get over that very last line. “I really wanted to have a brother.” Because that’s what it was all about, really. Not being pro hero or anti hero, not a villainous descent nor a sudden morality change… just William hoping his older brother could finally love him.

But David just proved his theory right: that everything that comes from Deadwood is sick and twisted and wrong. Nothing good has ever come from that place. Certainly not David… and certainly not himself, either.

people of tumblr

i present to you

Gillion!!!

the anti-heroes.

Humanity

It’s easy to forget that among the Umvirate races humans have the least distance from their evolutionary ancestors. They’re charming and friendly, and get along with damn near everyone.

But there are moments when we’re reminded just how animal these newcomers still are. For me, that moment was when our ship crashed.

Smoke clogged the air, pouring from combusting electronics. My ducts wheezed forcefully, trying to force the particles out. Logically I knew it was a waste of effort; no one would be able to lift the section of ship that had me pinned. But every species has some degree of survival instinct in them, and mine wouldn’t let me stop.

Thank the algorithms for that.

A shape burst through the whirling smoke and flames, forcing them to curl around it and snarling as the tongues of fire licked at its exposed flesh. A brief hope swelled within me before my rational mind quelled it. I cannot be saved, it said. Do not drag anyone down with me.

“What are you doing here?” I called, recognizing our human, Ash, whom we’d picked up not two calendars ago. “You have to get out!”

Ash barked in a hoarser laugh than normal, the smoke, I assumed, and said, “And leave you behind? Not happening.” I could see the human’s eyes now, darting about taking in the situation. The pupils widened as it saw where I was pinned and for a moment I was horribly reminded that it came from a predator species. Logic, thankfully, overrode the accompanying worries. Still, it did not have enough strength in its frame to move the metal that had me pinned, not with under this gravity, not even with its deathworlder build.

I tried again to warn Ash away as it approached, but a snarl was the reply I got as the human braced itself against the floor and pinning metal. I closed my ears in grief. We had been warned, of course, how humans will imprint on crew members, treating them as they would family. It was part of what attracted us to the idea of hiring one, after all. But we hadn’t accounted for the bonding working both ways, and now I felt guilt for Ash’s impending death.

I did not hear – as my ears were screwed shut – but rather felt the metal warping as it was bent off of me. Shock overtook me as my brain attempted to make sense of the event. Ash could not have the strength to do that, but somehow did. Thank the algorithms. By the time I could process everything that happened fresh air was assaulting my ducts. Gratefully I inhaled and stared up at the beautiful, grimacing beast that had saved me.

Us, I quickly realized. Several other crewmembers, only somewhat singed, lay in the field around us. I could hear Ash’s ducts working overtime to supply fresh air to its system and my sight returned to it. The human’s eyes were wide and staring at the burning wreckage. Not in fear, I realized, but focus. A focus so intense that I shivered to even be on its periphery. But the guttural roar that burst from the duct of the human shook me even more.

Ash began sprinting back into the burning ship. I lay there in silent horror watching my companion defy every survival instinct it must have and charge back to save more of our crewmembers. And then I saw it happen again.

And again.

And again.

Seventeen members were saved before the fire became too intense for even the deathworlder. It collapsed to its knees at the burning entrance making sounds I recognized as distress. Having recovered enough to move, I drug myself forward and wrapped myself around the human in the manner that I had been told was comforting. It must have worked as the human gripped me tightly – uncomfortably so – as it wailed in grief for the lives it could not save.

I learned later – almost as an aside while giving my report – how it was that Ash was able to accomplish what I had thought logically impossible. Evidently under great stress humans secrete a natural compound very similar to higher end combat stims. This gives them increased energy, further resistance to pain, and unbounded use of their freakish strength. That last thought especially chilled me. It was haunting to know that every feat of power I’d seen until then was subconsciously limited by their brains to prevent their own body from tearing itself apart.

Despite the tragedy, Ash thankfully chose to stay on, though I think it was uncomfortable with the newfound deference shown to it. But there was nothing to be done about it.

After all, to us Ash was an angel.

brainrot

Martin mistakes Jon for his Mother and is too embarrassed to step foot inside the institution again

was thinking about gillions redesign like "haha why does charlie want gillion to look scary and harsh so badly haha" and then i realized and then i cried

i did another screenshot redraw,,,

genloss is taking over my life

no text under the cut vvv

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Speedran drawing this at 11pm and immediately passed out afterward

not to be dramatic but i don’t know if i can handle never seeing ryan tell shane alien theories on true crime, or shane going through the halls of a haunted building while laughing and yelling as ryan cries, or the two of them getting weirded out but the stories/ weirded out cus nothing in the case makes sense ever again after the final seasons