As She Should 😤😤😤

Having bpd to me is like I'm the loneliest person on the planet, no matter how many people I talk to, no matter how many connections I make or have, I'm a lonely void who will die alone. I have to be talking to someone or with someone every second of every minute of every day. I love people so much, I need people. There's so many people out there with different things to teach you. And then, if I have to talk to one person for more than 6 seconds today, I'll kill them. I'll kill myself. I need to be left alone for the rest of the day, I need no one but myself to be happy. I don't want to partake in anything with anyone because it's all draining and taking out of my alone time. Everyone is the same, they're all boring and self-absorbed. Every conversation feels like I'm forcing myself to be actively present. I just want to be alone in my room with nothing or no one. I don't see a future where I'm happy with anyone other than being by myself.

Made by @deludedfools on January 7th, 2024.

Requested by @lixheng.

It’s him

i've been out of a toxic relationship for about two or three years now, and i still find myself craving for that validation that he would give me. i still find myself craving *his* attention because i had spent almost a year in that environment and have had nothing to fill the void. i can't imagine the amount of damage he would've caused if i had stayed.

there's an epidemic of attention seekers and it's been villanized to the point someone can very blatantly cry for help and it'll be pushed to the side that "they're just an annoying attention seeker, don't fuel their delusion"

but this behavior typically is from traumatized people who have been victims!!! let me break down how attention seeking behavior ties back to being abused for you to understand.

first your abuser makes you nothing, your self worth is zero and you are completely worthless. then bit by bit, your self worth is drip fed back to you ONLY this time it comes with a clause. your self worth now belongs to that abuser, so the moment you leave and escape? you become nothing all over again. it's like an addiction really, feeling worth something after feeling worthless for so long. and the cycle just repeats over and over, it's easy for abusers to take those who already view themselves as nothing under their wing - and for the victim? the pattern continues again and again until it is etched into their brain that the only way to make them feel worth something is to be abused.

so what happens when someone gets out of abuse and doesn't find another abuser? well that's where the attention seeking behavior comes in. they are free but they feel lost, and attention is the only thing that comes close to the feeling they had back when they were being abused.

so can we stop viewing attention seeking behavior as an inherently negative trait and start realizing it may be signs of something more going on beyond the surface? people don't do things for no reason and especially regarding syscourse issues, some people REALLY need to have more compassion.

thinking about sylus “it may not look like it but i am very good at taking care of people”

taking in the twins after they tried killing him, training them, providing them with a home, status, power

constantly updating mephisto, giving him upgrades and cleanings, giving him a perch in his room, sitting down and talking to him like he would a real pet

and then theres you- making sure you arent drowning in work, not alone handling wanderers, indulging you when you want a fight, coming out to festivals and photobooth dates, buying you the plushies you cant get from the clawmachine, making sure youre ok during the time of the month, always intertwining your fingers together when you hold hands, keeping you safe in the n109, buying jewelry, inviting you to galas and auctions, always having your back when you need him o my sweet loverboy

i feel like a doll sitting on a shelf waiting until someone wants to play with me in order to feel alive again

the supposed "rivals" ...and rafayel lol

Who would’ve guessed our colonel is a memelord

Little pony princesses 💗

Justice for our homegirl and her suffering