Call It An Act Of Rebellion Or A Battle Of Wills — Or Maybe Lili Was Just Tired Of Playing The Role

two girls freezing their asses off but don’t you know a gossiping hoe never gets cold? — @lgcmaylin

ever since snow had fallen upon seoul, the chill in the city had only turned for the worse — cloaking the entirety of the peninsula in the near negatives.

and you might be asking: just why was lili subjecting herself to the very cold that was freezing her to bits?

well — there were two presentable answers for such a thing.

one.

lili needed a smoke — badly — and the designated places for such a thing lacked the common decency of having a working heater.

and two.

she needed some space to air out her grievances after the last practice with a certain coach. and oddly enough, lili thought it was tacky to talk shit about an anal coach inside the company — but outside, mere feet away from where the door had safely hit its hinges, and even further away from nosy ears, did she feel comfortable to do just that.

unfortunately, the smoke that flows from pursed lips cease within minutes of another’s arrival. the cigarette snubbed at the sudden welcome, crushed beneath a leather boot, before being replaced with a pack of gum. it wasn’t a worthy substitute but because it was maylin, lili made an exception — just because the other girl quit all those years ago didn’t mean lili would ignore the other’s hard work just to get her nerves calmed.

immediately she flies into the other’s side, arm in arm, as if to conserve whatever heat the other had brought with her. “it’s so fucking cold tonight —” she breathes, the warmth of her breath billowing out into the cold in a puff.

“should i?” 

a hand models the ring, flashing it here and there, watching the light catch it in the most harmonic of ways. the glint is appeasing, and lili hardly said no to things that were offered — especially pretty things.

it was awfully on brand of her.

a cold brilliance wishing to be eclipsed by a warmth she couldn’t quite give herself. maybe it was why no matter her internal qualms that she so frustratingly and rather involuntarily projected, she still wished to be around jisoo — like a moon caught in it’s planet’s orbit. 

she wants to scoff, but she reserves the bite for a smile, albeit an amused laugh that she hides behind a hand, sparkling ring and all. “bite — as if you could ever bite.” she looks over him at the computer screen that held stills of their latest shot, pointing out one of the slides where the lighting hit her the best but still held a small cover of a shadow, much like a waning moon. “i like this one, the lighting was a nice call.”   

gorgeous, but deadly - she had an aura about her that fit the moon. difficult to reach, a bit cold, a nice contrast to the warmth that haru could convey. or was he describing how they were acting to one another right now? they didn't quite resolve everything from their last instance, and now they danced in limbo. ( again. again ! ) maybe they'd orbit each other that way eternally. and besides, its not as if he's acting against her role. it just happens to be his brand. and happens to be his commercial that he's looking over. she could just pretend he's not here... actually, no she can't. it'd look so badly upon them both since they were around others, and a tarnished name or reputation was difficult to wipe. "you can keep it if you like it," jisoo comments in response to her, albeit a bit nonchalantly. he's leaving the answer in her court for her to say yes or no, that she possibly couldn't.

this isn't quite an olive branch though, but what would it take? at least they were being cordial right? ".. feel free to chime in too, lili. we don't bite here." the swap of the set gave him an opportunity to actually discuss things with his model, if she wanted to, that is.

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and lili did not know what she was doing — alas, before she had known it, a day had become five. five had become ten and oh, time in the poisoned gardens had gone so fast that lili hadn’t the slightest clue just how fast it had come to her twentieth day. “is that so …” she trails off, trying to recount just how long she’s been there, only to come up short. had it really been twenty days already? it had only felt like yesterday she had arrived with a sick feeling burrowing deep into her stomach. 

“but it’s nothing bad, right?” suddenly, she feels her heart quicken; there was no telling how much, nor how long the poison had accumulated within her. time had become a construct of a consciousness lili had retired from the moment she had stepped foot into the gardens. “right … i mean, i think i feel fine. don’t i look fine?”

the sap brings her back to the present, if not momentarily; pulling the other along, quick hurriedly around the bend where she had first hid from the girl. the tree from where the sap had come from had risen high above their heads but its branches sagged to their ankles, kissing their feet with their leaves. the sap she had been snacking on the past few days lay from a part of the tree lili had punctured with her zan.

“i do?” the answer comes off a string of her own slurred speech, replying to miyu a beat too late — after having mumbled through her own set of confusion. “i guess i don’t feel well. i’ve been feeling sick to my stomach since i got here but it comes and goes so i haven’t been thinking much of it. oh no — miyu! what do i do, am i going to die?” the panic sets in, a brazen trail of fear striking her heart and running her hands cold as she grasps onto miyu, a mere whisper of her words as she tries to calm herself albeit failing as she looks to the other girl. “is there something we can do?” 

"the most pleasant of surprises," miyu's laughter rings throughout the garden. "it's nice to see you again, promise."

it's hard to keep up with what lili is saying, her words coming out too fast. it's a bit concerning, really. miyu's brow forms a crease.

"you don't know? supposedly after spending twenty days in the garden you develop some kind of poison immunity," she tells lili. "it's not forbidden, but i wouldn't recommend it unless you know what you're doing," miyu frowns, wondering why it seemed like the other wanted to stay in the garden for an extended period of time.

"that must have been the sap i was looking for! you'll have to show me where you found it, but, lili, are you . . . " she trails off, biting her lip trying to find the right words. "are you okay? you seem," she pauses for a moment, looking into the other's eyes. "you seem, off, like something's wrong."

she smiles — probably her most genuine one that week; brow raising in expectation at his suggestion. “why — you’re not offering, are you?” lili has half the mind of accepting if that were the case, but maybe once (or twice or — how many times has she used him for such an occasion? she’s lost count at this point)

“oh, really, now?” her fist fits gingerly beneath her jaw, leaning in upon intrigue at his observations of the day — the retelling of an otherwise boring meeting spruced up at the mention of his mother. “tell me all about it.” eyes sparkling at the promise of something juicy for her eager ears to feast on — gossip, though unsightly, always had its merits in making her feel better, especially on the days her grandmother not-so-subtly ditches her. “how did she look — no, what did she say?”

call it an act of rebellion or a battle of wills — or maybe lili was just tired of playing the role of the ‘woe is thou’ and wounded — but the second she found out her grandmother had once again cancelled on her once again, lili was done playing a facade that was barely holding on by a thread. tape and plaster could do little to hold up what once was, such tools were futile to what true care and attention could do. unfortunately, lili knew such a thing — so, maybe in hindsight, it was better to shed these masks rather than cling to their rugged shards.

abandoning her role to play, sitting there to listen to a meeting that had nothing to do with her except play appearances was not how she wanted to waste her free time. the downfall of her crude decree of renouncing these responsibilities were that they had to fall on someone …. and sadly, that someone had to be yutai.

when she arrives, she comes with a consolation — or was it a perceived condolence? — in tow, a box of chocolates she had picked up in cheongdam on her way over. ducking into the fluorescence of the convenience store, she taps him on the shoulder with a passing hand; nearly missing his cup of ramen as she drops the dressed up chocolatier tote onto the counter. “as a thank you for your service today.”

it was lili’s best way of apologizing, even if an apology would never leave her glossed lips. ( it’s like they say, better than nothing, right? )

appalling.

lili could only look even more worse for wear as jiah remarks on these pink gloves that lili does not even remember being offered to her — she feels her jaw go slack. “and you didn’t think to even offer me a pair? you traitor.” she wrinkles her nose, using the water from the faucet to flick some drops onto her roommate from the side before finally turning off the faucet. grabbing one of the spare kitchen towels, she dries her hands before turning to the other with another look of disbelief.

“don’t even joke — if you come into our room smelling like garlic, you’re going to sleep on the couch.” her hip bumps into the other’s before turning to glance at one of the older ladies who had accompanied them into the kitchen, turning to jiah when the woman begins to dictate to them about the meal plans. and while lili prided herself when it came to learning korean in such a short span of time — the woman’s accent was definitely interfering with lili’s comprehension. 

“what did she say?” lili asks when the older woman finally leaves them, again. 

Jiah is having a blast. It feels refreshing to go to the countryside and be surrounded by nothingness and the elderly who seem to like her well enough despite just meeting her for the first time. It's just like when Jiah and Jino visited their grandparents, and the neighborhood association doted on them for being one of the few young people around there. She feels at home.

The same can't be said about Lili, whom Jiah likes dearly, but also thinks it's so entertaining how she isn't fit for the environment they are in. Of course, one can learn to adapt, but they'll be around only for three days, and Lili doesn't look like someone who's enjoying themselves. It's a shame, but it's also kind of funny. Jiah doesn't even have the good sense to hide her smile when Lili addresses her. She just raises an eyebrow at her friend and checks her hands for any signs of dirt. "I used the gloves they had available, Lils. You know, the bright pink ones. How did you miss that, love?" To Lili's credit, being in a big group and having cameras on them doesn't make this any easier. Jiah was lucky that one of the ladies they were working with liked her enough to remind her to put the gloves on.

"I seriously hope I don't because the food would taste awful, but if they ask me to, I will have to, no? I mean, it could be fun. I could smell like garlic for the next two weeks. Who knows?"

wrap me up — @lgcxmimi

as someone who’s love language was giving and receiving gifts, when given the chance — and truly, there were not many — lili practically jumped at the opportunity to wrap presents. unfortunately, these gifts lacked her certain aesthetic taste for ribbon and wrappers but she would make do — anything to keep her away from the children and their little grubby hands.

so, she with each wrapped box and toy; her artistic pursuits soared when it came to decorating them with ribbon. all she needed was an extra —

“emi? do you mind lending a finger, i just need one so i can tighten this bow.”

extending the box towards the other girl, lili appears far more excited at the aspect of bows and wrapping than she has been since the day had started — and it may or may not be because she was out of earshot of those screaming gremlins but we don’t judge — smile dazzling and all as she steps towards emi’s side.

nearly wincing at the sound his straw makes as it makes contact with it’s plastic borders, a hand raises to stop him — already feeling the overdramatic and too real ache of a migraine rumbling at her temples. “please stop.” ignoring the fact that it would be her first and only time she ever uttered please in his presence. 

she tilts her head at that — confusion filtering through her features within seconds. “why else would we have coffee?” and lili was far too prideful to head over to jieun’s truck, even if the dessert selection did appear yummier from the looks of the cute banners. “i think they’d rather have a thank you from you though,” her eyes run from him to the workers behind the counter who obviously haven’t taken their eyes off of the actor since his appearance before the stand.

“why don’t you honor them that pretty little actor smile they all love?” 

she almost has to laugh, though, seeing hyunsoo in his element had been interesting. it was definitely a glaring contrast to seeing him at some stuffy party filled with obnoxious social climbers and money-grubbers. 

“hardly — just some annoyance that won’t stop bothering me. maybe you know her.” she fishes for her phone before revealing to him the long list of messages from his mother lili hadn’t bothered replying to. 

There are a number of coincidences that happen within industry when one comes from the background that Hyunsoo does. It becomes inevitable. Children of executives offered positions at studios or pushed into roles by overbearing mothers, bored socialites figuring they will make their acting debut. The industry has and always will reek of nepotism and advantages taken with money.

Needless to say, seeing Lili on the film set comes as little to no shock. Not for any reasons listed prior — on the contrary, he is certain her determination has landed her there just as his did. She would not be subject to walking around in a plague doctor mask ( faceless ) had she a say in the matter and he knows it. And, perhaps, she would not seem so displeased to see him.

To meet her halfway, He pushes past a few young murmuring staff members; of whom giggled amongst themselves when he stood back in awe of his gifted coffee truck. ( Pictures of himself are plastered along the sides on posters that would soon be torn for the next gig. )

"Why are you thanking me? You should be thanking them, too," voice laced with what can only be described as a hint of sarcasm, he reaches for the iced americano, stretching the straw in and out of it with an agonizing scrape before he takes a sip. "You seem particularly... snippy today. What's wrong? Displeased with the movie's premise?"

“christ,” lili curses under her breath, fingers running through her hair as she steps back. she was thankful — no, relieved — when she sees the other open her eyes to a blurry haze. she was alive — there was no need for cpr that lili did not know heads or tails of or 119. shit, should she still call them just in case? the girl did look like she needed some type of medical attention. “are you sure, you looked like … kinda two steps to heaven?”

watching the other nearly stumble, lili sighs; hands on her hips, brows furrowed before shaking her head. a hand raised to stop the other, if not extend a hand to stabilize her. “no, no — it’s okay. i was going to use it but you don’t look so good, you should stay. rest, maybe go to the infirmary? does this happen often?” 

One moment, she was studying her form in the mirror, checking the angle of her leg as she pointed it towards ceiling. The next moment, she was looking into the eyes of a girl she recognized but was not overly familiar with and completely soaked.

Junyi was not alarmed - this was, unfortunately, a common enough occurrence.

"I am alright," she whispered reassuringly, bringing a hand up to sweep across her wet bangs. People did not typically use water to wake her up; they most often opted for shaking and shouting. Junyi wasn't sure if she preferred this method more.

Regardless.

"Thank you for your help. Apologies if I alarmed you." She smiled despite the circumstances and sat herself up slowly. "I must have overheated. Or something." Her doctors in China informed her that she had a problem with her qi, and that was why she experienced these moments of weakness. It's been improving, but not quickly enough.

"Are you here for the practice room?" Junyi glanced at the clock. "Sorry. I'll get going now." She reached for her towel in the corner to wipe her face. Must have moved too fast, because she nearly fell over again.

໒꒱ . WORKSHOP OPPORTUNITY # 002 _ IDOL JAPANESE: PRACTICE 、 aka “LILI, CAN YOU TEACH ME JAPANESE?” I SAID 「はい、はい」

it would be an understatement to say that lili take’s ichika’s words to heart. in fact, after talking to ichika, lili was probably more determined to the learn the fuck out of this language than she had initially wanted to.

it is no secret that she was confused by the assignment. like — hello?

xu lili … speaking japanese? 

girl had sat through the entire briefing thinking that she was sitting on an incredibly long practical joke — and yet, 

the punchline never came.

after the inevitable had sunk in, lili had gone to work. sulking over useless woes would never get her anywhere and lili knew better than anyone that no one was going to go boo hoo, poor little lili.

anchored to her desk, she sits upright and focused. what once was clear-cut legible writing has been reduced to chicken scratch over ever word and phrase she had squeezed out of ichika before she had to leave for her next schedule. the rest is what she picked up from random japanese learning videos she had searched up on youtube.

even though such a evaluation wasn’t going to be televised — hence the mock — the last thing lili was was a half-asser. she’d give them something to laugh about for challenging her like this — they would rue the day they thought they could catch her slipping.

if they wanted her to speak japanese, she was going to speak the best damn japanese she could muster in the three months they gave her to learn this language.