“wishful Thinking.” Lili Says, Because The Horror That Maylin Had Wished Would Not Happen — Comes

HOW TO SAY I'M FUCKED IN JAPANESE? where lili probably shouldn't be in this workshop and yet, here she is — @lgcichika

she shouldn’t complain, really.

wasn’t this what she meant by she was interested in hosting — looking back, lili hadn’t really thought they would have taken such a small mention so seriously. at least, this is what she tells herself as she sits across from ichika and tries to find rational in why she was lumped into a workshop for a language she didn’t know a lick about.

still, she was no quitter, even if said workshop expected her to speak a whole-ass dialogue and such for some mock hosting gig as the evaluation. no, even then, lili was no quitter.

but — she did think they could have cut her some slack. just from the basic phrases and such that ichika had gone over in passing earlier with the rest of the group, lili was still having trouble wrapping her head around it all and this is after going over her notes thrice in the last half-hour. “i know, i suck — but i swear, i really didn’t know any japanese going into this so i think … really, i’m quite the improvement, wouldn't you agree?"

all lili can do in return is nod. hand dropping once the other takes the tissue to wipe her face — and under lili’ scrutinizing gaze ( one that lili tries her best to disguise as concern when it really was just her busybody nosiness rearing its ugly head ) — lili wonders what had gotten the other so worked up. had sarang also been stressed over the setlist? or had she suddenly been delivered a bout of bad news?

she wasn’t pregnant was she?

lili does a once-over before shaking her head. no — that couldn’t be true. but did she have a right to intervene? she hardly knew the other — and lili wouldn’t call herself a saint. 

her eyes go wide when sarang begins to bumble — words stuttering out that lili feels herself freeze. lili was in no way a comforting person. sure, a hand on the shoulder — as she dead-scrolled on tiktok — an open ear and nodding grace — as her eyes glassed over and picked on key words — these were lili’s form of companionship when cornered with someone who needed a sprinkle of comfort and concern.

but words of ease? words of encouragement — lili feels her jaw slacken. “are you okay? it’s okay to breathe — i’m sure they’re not starting right this second.” shit, maybe not the right thing to say to someone who looked like they were about to drop dead from their self-inflicted hyperventilation. “okay, why don’t we slow down — uh … have you tried breathing exercises before?” 

“you know — like one, in — two …. out …” lili says, in her most gentlest tone — instructing in the same way she would her grandma’s dog. “why don’t we try that again? please don’t pass out on me, i don’t know first aid.” 

she hadn't noticed that there was another person in the bathroom. she was too busy going over every single thing she managed to get wrong during practice. not even mistakes only she noticed but enough to get constantly called out. her thoughts were spiraling fast. as if they hadn't been already.

then came the little prick of tears. what if this lead to a bad review? what if it lead to her being kicked out? the more she thought, the more she tossed water on her face to cover that up as well. but she couldn't bring herself to calm down. so it didn't help when she heard a voice and she had to kept herself from screaming.

sarang's face paused in horror for a moment. more so of the fact that someone caught her in the middle of a break down. it took more than a few seconds needed to process what was being said to her and held out to her. it took a few more seconds to take it with a slightly shaky hand and bow of head. "y-yeah." she not only mumbled but stumbled over the word.

"l-lili right?" she muttered back, trying to force herself to take breaths as she rubbed at her eyes. did the other notice she was crying? it only made her rub her eyes harder in an attempt to hide. her face dropped at the news. she needed more time. "u-uh..." breathe. "i-i'll be back in a sec-cond. um, could you.." she didn't want to bring anyone into her mess either. "i-...i- i'll be b-back...soon, i just need a s-second." now she was making a fool of herself but that didn't matter when she couldn't slow her heartbeat.

lili had always been an only child. 

( and she definitely acted like one, too )

fortunate for her as she never wanted siblings and she had always wanted more attention than any of her respective legal guardians could ever give. but a sibling arises in the form of one parker su. it was funny, really. how quick they clicked, how odd that despite being from the same state — sure, california was big but it wasn’t that big — that despite it all, she found his presence to be not as annoying as she would have expected. is this what a sibling relationship was like for others?

( she wonders if her grandma would adopt parker, too )

rather than seeing him, lili hears him and can only guess to what is causing his burst of concern. and while it wasn’t unwarranted, lili — sincerely — couldn’t find what was wrong with her outfit.

did he find it offensive that she was wearing a dress from last season? 

she snorts, toe of her heel meeting with his ankle gently as a jab for his nagging. “lilian?” an amused brow rises, “who’s that?”

then she frowns at his fussing — hands making no move to do as he says because this ensemble was not meant for a coat to cover ( the coat was but a mere accessory to withstand the chill but other than that, lili was bound by the inherent belief that she’d rather die pretty than badly dressed ) — her hand running through her hair as she lets his words go from one ear to the other before lips purse and she groans, “you said i was going to be meeting your friends, of course i had to make a good impression. don't i look like someone you'd want to meet your friends?”

sure, her personality was rough around the edges but lili assumed that a pretty dress and smile would at least soften those jagged parts — kind of a trojan horse a la miu miu sort of thing?

yes, that shall be her optimal reasoning for wearing the sheerest dress possible on what could be the coldest day of february. tugging on his arm, she pulls him along, amidst his english woes, “okay, okay — i hear you. i’ll make sure to stay close to the radiator at the restaurant. let’s go — like you said, it’s freezing.” at least her gloves could fight off the frostbite, she thinks. 

little red packet

@lgclili and parker spend some "sibling" time together

At this point, it was pretty par for the course for Parker not to go home during any breaks, even when he had them. For as long as the flight was back to California, the time that was typically allotted seemed way too short, but as a trainee, it had seemed more doable just based on how much he missed his family; however, that had been simply out of the question this year. Even more so when the Seollal break was only four days, but this year Lunar New Year seems a little less lonely. For one, he had Hyuk to spend time with, but more than that, somewhere along the line, he managed to sort a dinner together with some of his favorite people: Yichen, Yuxi, and Lili. 

It was about a quarter to six when Parker’s cab pulled up not too far from Daerim-dong. Even when a good deal of Koreans were taking the time with their own families, he could still see a few people making their way here in there. Thanking the driver, Parker adjusted his scarf and looked around, hoping to spot a Lili. She hadn’t met either Yichen or Yuxi before and had insisted on meeting up with him beforehand, a request that Parker couldn’t refuse. Even if they weren’t related, all three held a special familial place in Parker’s heart, but especially Lili. 

“Ah! Are you crazy!” he called out when he called her. Parker’s furrowed his bows and switched to English to sound more like his own mother.  “Lillian, you’re going to catch a cold! Yes, your dess is cute. Button up your coat!”

having already had the go around earlier in the day, lili finds herself coming through the halls once again on a whim. would the cards have changed by then or was it a daily thing rather than an hourly rotation? her collection of ‘drink me’, ‘eat me’, and ‘open me’s were as provocative as they come but didn’t really answer the question that was looming in everyone’s minds:

why?

why did the pranks this year seem so tame? — was there more to the picture? — was there something they were all missing? were they all just lying in wait for the better, more out-of-this-world prank of all pranks to happen? 

surely, this had everyone on the edge of their seats and that was more than enough reason for lili to try her hand at the cards again. perhaps getting more would change her odds for whatever this was all leading up to.

but, as it turns out, from the lack of collections, maybe the cards were really that hard to come by. “huh, i would have thought they’d added more by now. there was a ton earlier.” 

pulling out a stack of the cards she had commandeered earlier, she looks at the words scrawled across them. “i’ve gotten a drink me, eat me and open me — but not a take me. want to trade for one of them?” lili didn’t know what any of them meant but maybe if she was able to collect them all, it’d somehow give them better meaning. “it’s definitely very alice-esque, don’t you think? with the eat me and drink me, maybe it’s a hint to their costumes this year? maybe we’ll see some naughty caterpillars for halloween?”

two of hearts.

⇢ starter for @lgclili

" take me ... " areum reads. after taking so long to find one of the playing cards ( they really didn't need to hide the cards as well as they had ) she couldn't help but be a little bit confused as to what the card meant. with a quick glance around, areum approaches one of the people beside her – were they as unlucky as herself, to get such a vague card ? " did you find one of these too ? " she asks, holding the card up to show the other woman. " because i ... really don't understand what this is supposed to mean ... " areum chuckles meekly. " does yours say something similar ? "

" they're usually pranks of some sort ... " she comments, recalling previous years. " should it be fishy they didn't do that again ? or are these cards some sort of an elaborate prank ? " she wonders, examining her own card a moment longer. " i don't really know – and the motif is cute, but what does this have to do with nintendo ? " she hums, frowning. " i don't know, i'm stumped ... this isn't any kind of puzzle i know how to solve. what about you ? "

other than a keratin treatment, lili would be aghast to have a lick of bleach touch her virgin hair. her fingers reach for her unsplit ends with a testing eye before flicking the hair over her shoulder, “i would,” kyoka was right, lili would look good in pink — as she looks good in anything — her ego was showing. “but i’d rather not, i love being brunette.” 

it would probably lili’s only boring flaw — the fact that she had never wanted nor ever would want to dye her hair another color. 

“people can be such antis,” and in their line of work there were many of those. not that lili was a good person, herself, but she was far from a 일진 of the likes that were constantly getting thrown around in media these days. “try not to hang around those bad apples, okay?” 

her chopsticks tap her silver tray, glancing at what she had leftover on it ; "do you want my potatoes?"

She tucks a strand of her hair behind at the unexpected compliment. "If I have the money one day," Kyoka solemnly begins, "I want to dye my hair pink and green, like a strawberry." And then she promptly hides her face behind her hands at that declaration, mumbling something about pineapples again. Once she's recovered from her own words, Kyoka adds, "But I bet you'd look super super pretty in pink too!"

Nodding along to Lili's words, Kyoka takes the time to finish off the rest of her plate. "One person in your school who hates you and-" she collides her fists together into an explosion to illustrate her point.

"Yup! Everyone had stage names too, so that technically our real identities are private." She shrugs. "But the entrance exams are all posted anyways and people can guess age orders based off stories so it's not that helpful." Besides, all the academy girls knew each other, so really, everything was an open secret.

request for you to not be a bitch

request denied

“would it be so bad if i said i didn’t mind a kfc,” now who was she and what had she done with xu lili? the girl who complained about the smell of fried chicken oil and how it would induce a zillion and one underground pimples by morning seemed to be nowhere to be seen. “at least they would welcome our presence.” 

would they make a cake out of chicken legs if she mentioned that it was her birthday?

“yea —“ her eyes drift to her heels, “for sure, definitely not dressed for anything outdoorsy. let’s also not climb any hills, i don’t think my body can take any more stress.” she knows seoul is made up of nothing but hills but if anything, it was a subtle yet desperate plea for a taxi ride rather than slumming it in the subway.

her steps begin to slow as she thinks over the options more seriously, feeling the chill in the air as she suddenly comes to a stop and is not incensed by the warmth from walking. “mmm, i’d say warm and cozy. anything but cold, please.”

"we can make it work, even if its..." jisoo side eyes lili, "a hole in the wall." at this point, most things truly were closed around this time, but he's sure there were some homely mom and pop shops, or businesses that knew they could take advantage of these days, where everyone else had off. "i promise, i am not dragging you to KFC or anything that defaults in that direction." that would make it even more of an unhappy birthday now, wouldn't it?

"but you didn't even have a birthday cake... we're going to have to remedy that." hopefully it didn't mean him baking one but if it had to happen. if his eye does a slight twitch, jisoo doesn't comment.

"not to be completely lacking adventure, it is not about me and i'd rather not completely misguide it so would you prefer something warm, or cold, relaxing... cozy, or random and," heaven forbid, "i am not going to give you the option of outdoorsy because a, we aren't dressed for it and b, i'd rather us not end up sick."

໒꒱ . WORKSHOP OPPORTUNITY # 002 _ IDOL JAPANESE: THE EVALUATION 、 aka “LILI, CAN YOU TEACH ME JAPANESE?” I SAID 「はい、はい」

the unfortunate thing about all this is that when pushed, lili pushes harder.

and lili wouldn’t call what they did pushing, per say. unless you could call dangling lili over a cliff with nothing but herself and ichika as a safety net below her pushing — then so be it, they pushed her.

because lili did not like to be pushed around.

despite the practices for that nostalgia show the girls were all participating in, she had this on top of it — and lili was no stranger to overachieving and doing too much in order to appear as pristine and as put together as possible. even if it meant, forgoing necessary ailments such as sleep and food, lili was going to prove them why they shouldn’t push lili to do things.

in the grand scheme of things, the evaluation comes in a blur — her prepared speech, ran through and corrected by ichika with alarming quickness is something lili can only warrant from her own neck-breaking determination to get things done right. even if she had gone into this workshop not knowing a lick of the language — she could at least call herself somewhat knowledgable — if not, able to say more than yes. 

she goes through the motions, remembering the sounds of the vowels — trying to not trip over them as she slows her words, carefully, because the more she quickened her pace, the more she stumbled over them. taking a breath, and with another smile, she begins — in a banter with her partner, thank god at least they knew what they were doing, while lili felt like she was still dangling from that tell-tale cliff, searching for a savior. 

the breath helps, it eases the nerves tickling the back of her neck. her smile used like a shield in the midst of a battle against herself and the evils who had put her in such an uncomfortable position. never had lili felt this unprepared — even if she had spent every waking moment of the past three months preparing for just this — she still felt uneasy. 

was this is? 

her fall from grace?

( finally tumbling her from  her overly egotistic, completely arrogant pedestal that no one but she had put herself upon? ugh, the ground would probably hurt from a fall like this, wouldn’t it? )

these are things she keeps in her back pocket for later — for when she’s to complain about her downfalls and her supposed weaknesses to jang insung — a laundry list, really, of her woes and why she still doesn’t quite understand why she was placed for such a workshop. 

sure, she learned japanese — but at the end of the day, lili only did so because she had felt undermined, so really …

who was the winner in all this?

lili wouldn’t think it was she — begrudgingly, least said and never something she’d say out loud, it had put another notch on her otherwise ridiculously overachieving and accomplished belt — at least, she wouldn’t admit to it as so.

any other day, one where the sun wasn’t in her eyes or the wind wasn’t messing up her hair — or where lili wasn’t paranoid that chicken shit had gotten underneath her fingernails — maybe lili would have tickled her competitive bone. but no, apparently that day was not today. and lili knew a losing game when it’s been had and from the get go — soap? was no winning contender in anyone’s book.

it wasn’t as if the people around here went through soaps as quickly as they would water — they couldn’t be that dirty, could they? she sniffs, trying not to appear too miffed by the idea before turning back to emi.

“surprised — why?” she feigns her own little raised brow in confusion, a smile playing on her lips as she looks at the juice cups. her finger dances in the air around them as she tries to choose, “which do you recommend, you’ve been here all day — which has been selling the most?” 

she swore, just when she thought she had legacy figured out, they wanted to throw another curveball-- like sending them out into the country, having them feign for themselves, or at least it felt that way sometimes. really though, all mimi could do was cackle at the different shenanigans they had been put through. it was all in a good fun, and honestly, she hadn't realized how sick of the practice room she was until they were heading far far away from it.

fresh air would do her some good anyway, it had been a rough couple of weeks.

and she liked competing. it was fun, it lit a fire under her, even more so when she realized she was losing. so to say this weekend had been... eventful was an understatement. it was nice to get closer to the trainees and unnies, though.

sometimes, this makes it easier to feel like she fits in.

juice selling was going well, and the team was excited, hushed whispers around their future spoils of vicotry when the voice rings through and emi turns, blinks a bit at lili as she tries to hide her snort. she takes the bill with ease, moving to get change, and gestures to the juices. "take your pick, take your pick. i am a little surprised you wanted to get one from us, though." she admits with a chuckle.

she laughs — an actual, loud-mouthed, almost snorting laugh — a laugh lili almost never lets anyone hear; and maybe it’s because of asami’s audacity or was it her comedic timing? or maybe, asami was actually that funny.

“you did not just learn that, shut up.” she teases, shoulder nudging the others as she shakes her head, nose crinkled and all at the playfulness of asami’s english. 

lili nods, understandably so to asami’s distress. when she had first arrived in america and had been placed into their special esl ( english as a second language ) classes at school, it was as if all her teachers were speaking an alien tongue — but now, after years of living and breathing the language and still being told it wasn’t enough ( hence why she was currently taking the english class ), well … it was quite the accurate statement: english was just so wrong. 

and yet, it was still considered one of the most important of languages to learn. 

that was some weird westernized level of thinking.

“you’re so right — but hey, on the bright side, at least they don’t need us to be completely fluent … just conversational? or like … maybe enough so that we don’t say … controversial things?” which, in hindsight, maybe learning a new language only opened them up to the vulnerability of saying something wrong …. well, that was for the company to handle.

When Asami was attributed with the task to learn English as fast as she could for the duration of the month, she won't lie, she was stressed. She doesn't know exactly why she never invested in learning English, to be honest, especially with how the company seemed to be investing in the western market as of lately, but after learning Korean in such a short time, and having Japanese to back her up as well, Asami didn't pick up any language books and focused in other things.

Now it's coming to bite her in the ass.

Though one must admit, trying to learn literally anything while feeling pressured? It isn't the best method. The teacher is nice enough, and Asami has been trying to focus, but when Lili interrupts her, it's like the first deep breath she takes of all evening, "The book's on the table," she says cheekily in English what she learned years ago when she was still in school, "English was one of my worst subjects when I was in school, I didn't think I'd need to revise those times years later," Asami admits with a sigh. "Korean was much easier to pick up, to be honest, now I'm struggling again with a language that makes very little sense."